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This is me after losing a few before joining SP,,,,not good with dates

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This is me on June 13. Lost 10lbs on SP and about 30 before joining.

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This is me on May 1, 2012.. Total weight loss 37lbs.

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I've been overweight my entire life. I had to buy "pretty plus" clothes from Sears in elementary school. Yes, I was teased. Yes, that definately lowered my self-esteem. All through my school years, I dieted with one fad diet after the other never losing more than a few pounds because I lacked the motivation. I was fat and that's what I was meant to be. That was my mentality. Lots of negative self-talk. That talk has continued through most of my adult life. I looked back through some of my journals from my early 20s when I was over 200lbs. and couldnt believe how much I hated myself. Of co urse, i had also become totally engrossed in a man who only lowered my self esteem with his cruel ways. He used me for everything I had..u name it I gave it to him. That madness lasted for 7 years. In 1998 I finally lost the weight and got down to 135-140. By far my smallest. But, I only got that weight from living a very very unhealthy lifestyle. I mean, I was 22 what did i know about health? So I got pregnant and so the cycle started again. I never lost the weight from my pregnancy. I went on the depo shot after she was born and gained another 45lbs. Life happened and I gained more. I lacked motivation, passion, everything positive.

I stayed this way for a long time. Let me add, I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was 16 but chose to self-medicate for many years. When I was at my heaviest, 252, I was not taking my meds, I was self-medicating with drugs and alcohol and I felt and looked like crap. This was definately my rock bottom. Thats when Julio came back into my life. It was a God send. He pulled me out of the darkest place I had ever been in my entire life. He told me it was going to be ok. He didnt judge me. He helped me get my act together.

Here it is 3 years later. Ive lost weight, Im on the right meds and Im taking them, Im no longer self-medicating at all, and I have a renewed outlook on life. I wasnt meant to be fat. I wasnt meant to be ugly. I wasnt meant to be unhealthy. I was blessed with life and I have to make the most of what I was given.

The best part so far on this journey? Im in love...Im in love with myself, my hubby, and my kids. Its an amazing feeling. Heck, I even love SP for all the knowledge Ive gained over the past month and half.

So that's me...and just a quick note, I talked to that man I was with for 7 years who destroyed my self esteem and used me...He's living at his mamas house with no job!! Isnt Karma funny??

Member Since: 4/10/2012

Fitness Minutes: 2,262

My Goals:
1. continue using my trackers daily and nourishing my body with healthy foods.

2. no more late nite fattening snacks

3. drink more water

4. when I start to feel like giving up or giving into temptation, reach out to someone on Spark or in my personal life

5. continue with my mental health treatment and continue to take my meds and realize that its ok to be on meds

6. continue with this weight loss journey
a. lose 5lbs. a month
b. do something nice for myself for every 10lbs. I lose
c. recognize small goals and be proud to flaunt them!!
d. achieve the ultimate goal of losing 70more lbs. by utilizing spark materials, teams, posts, blogs, nutrition, tips and input given by others, and using good old common sense.

7. continue to manage my daily activities without feeling overwhelmed and if I do feel a bit stressed, its ok to share the load. I dont have to solve every problem

8. Pray

My Program:
the program I am choosing to follow is to maintain good nutrition and track my nutrition and fitness daily even if I get no fitness in that day. I will drink water atleast 8 glasses a day to stay hydrated. NO more soda and empty caloried beverages. I will maintain a good relationship with all my MDs and continue on my meds. I find if I do this, I am so much more positive and upbeat. My program will also consist of me being myself and being accountable for my goods and my bads. I will also reach out when I need help and not confine myself to my own unhappiness. I will be my biggest fan. I will utilize spark everyday just for motivation, tips, tricks, friends, etc...I GOT THIS!!

I am going to begin to declutter my home and my life. Im going to make my lifestyle more healthy for myself and my family

Personal Information:
Courtney, 36, Mass.

My ultimate goal is to lose 70lbs. Im not going to put a date because this for me is not a "dated" project. Its a lifetime achievement and process. When I lose it, I will have reached my physical goal but will always be living a healthy lifestyle. Both physical and mental health being "prime" is my main priority on this journey.

I have entered the challenge to exercise atleast 10 min. a day. So, here I go..

Im doing it..exercising nearly everday..yay!

Other Information:
7/12--I gained back the weight I lost. It hurts to write that. I did lose 2lbs. though as of today. I'm going in the right direction. First mini goal is to lose that 14lbs. again. I will continue to track my cals and stay in all my ranges and continue my exercise regimen and hopefully that weight will come off..

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 current weight: 220.0 
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