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    Hey! I am a "recovering" anorexic. I am trying sooo hard and I know it is like the harder you try the harder it gets... It will get better, just leave it to God to show you the way :)
    3981 days ago
    I am a Christian and have very strong beliefs. I know Romans as my favorite Scripture is Romans 8:38-39... I heard it on a christian music station a few years ago and never forgot it. I have destroyed my earthly body and continue to do it even though I know it is wrong. I am just seeking a perfection that I will not get till im with my Father... and then all things will be "right" and "perfect".

    Your are a miracle in its' own.... meeting a christian woman who is suffering from the same things as me. I have had depression for as long as I can remember, wanted to kill myself more times than not... I have basically ruined my life and am trying to fix it. I let the ungodly part of me years ago do things to my life that will be with me till the day I die. I have taken my beautiful body and destroyed it with obesity, starvation, neglect and worse of all self hatred.

    No one in the world can help me but myself. I am my own worst enemy and only I can wake up one day and decide something has to change. That is not today, nor will it be for a long time. I have grown up in a family of little values, drinkers, prior drug abusers, criminals..... my own mom turned against me when her husband tried to molest me. I have such a dislike for her and yet I lvoe her at the same time.

    I have been verbally, mentally and physically abused my whole life. I stop eating when things get bad or something happens and I close the world out of my life. I have been used and abused by men for as long as I can remember. I have been raped 2 times in a 6 year span... so needless to say, my view of men are not what they should be.

    I just want to be normal... to be able to wake up and not have "problems", "issues" or anything that hinders me from being me. I am not one an emotional person... I hide my emotions and a lot of times, I am just cold hearted. I don't show emotion like I know I should... I don't freak out when bad things happen... I am numb to abuse that happens to me.

    I hate being this way... I hate being afraid of everything life has to offer. That makes things very hard when your afraid to leave the house out of fear of being judged, ridiculed, shamed, belittled, made fun of, laughed at.... no one understands what I am going through. Nor do most people care. I am not a pity party... I hate people feeling sorry for me, I don't like to burden people with my problems, I never ask for help since I don't think I deserve help from anyone (since I refuse to "get better").

    I appreciate all your kind words and hope that we can keep in touch. We have lots in common already and that makes me feel better.... to know there is someone out there with a love for the Lord and dealing with this Mental Abusing Disorder... know as Eating Disorders. Much love to you and you will be rewarded greatly for your kind and loving heart.

    Sorry this is so long, I guess I ramble too... lol

    4174 days ago
    Thanks so much for your kind words. I wish I could say I want to recover, but then I would just be lying to myself and you. I do want to recover eventually... but not anytime soon. I do want to be healthy... but that will only happen if I recover. I am happy to know that there are others out there that understand... and really the only ones who do understand the hell im going through are those who have been there. If you don't mind, I would like to add you as a friend. Don't worry about coming off as threatening to me... your not. I appreciate all your words and would like to chat sometime. Hope you have a wonderful week... hugs and thanks for stopping by. :)

    4174 days ago
  • v LYSS8608
    Hey there hun.. I am also battling an eating disorder and I wish you all the strength and love in the world. You can do this hun. Dont give up, dont EVER give up. You can beat this. I'm here if you need someone to talk to ok?
    Take care!

    4176 days ago
    Hi Carebear,
    I look forward to getting to know you. SparkPeople is a great place to get help and meet some wonderful new friends along the way. Welcome ... and I wish you success throughout your journey to becoming a healthier and happier person.
    Hugs from Ohio
    4177 days ago
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