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"I get knocked down, but I get up again"...Words to live by, my friends. Getting healthy is all about the journey, taking it one hour at a time, one workout at a time, one day at a time. We only learn how to run by first crawling, then dragging ourselves to our feet, then falling a million times before finally, we start walking by taking a few staggering steps forward. I used to expect perfection of myself when it came to eating healhty and exercising, and when I would inevitably fail, I would give up for weeks, months, sometimes years. Well, that girl is goooone, and this new girl really loves when life throws a challenge her way! This new girl laughs in depression and pain's faces, and scoffs at unexpected restaurant meals and everchanging schedule changes. This new girl is a fighter and she refuses to let life knock her down for very long! SO IT'S REALLY NOT THE SIZE OF THE DOG IN THE FIGHT, IT'S THE SIZE OF THE FIGHT IN THE DOG!

Most Recent Old Intro: This week I have started over. The past 18 months led me on a carnival ride of ups and downs; chronic pain, losing my job of 5+ years, divorce and a very deep depression that was so dark and so powerful, I feared for a long time that it was going to be the end of me. Then a day came when my depression was at it's greatest, my anxiety was at it's strongest and I felt I was literally standing at the cross-road of life and death.
I thank God for that day because that's the day I learned that I am stronger than I ever believed, and that when I am cornered, I will choose to fight, rather than to flee. I confronted Fear as the pathetic bully it really is and stomped it into the ground! For the first time in my life I was able to truly stand up to my abusive family(father, sisters, brother-in-law) and permanently kick them out of my life. They will never abuse me emotionally, physically, or sexually(brother-in-law) again, and I'm no longer ashamed to talk about what they did to me; I know now that I was an innocent child who deserved to be cherished and protected, not cursed at, slapped around and molested!
Once I stood up and faced Fear, all of my depression, and most of my anxiety went away. Now I'm back on track and treating my body, mind and soul with the respect they deserve!

(Old Intro)
I started my journey on April 1, 2008. At 5'9", I had reached my largest pant size ever, a size 18, larger even than my biggest pregnancy dress size back in 1992, and weighed in at my heaviest weight ever of 211 pounds. I was embarrassed to be seen in shorts in public, embarrassed to be seen in a bathing suit, so I had stopped going to the pool with my kids, embarrassed and depressed over my appearance in general. I had stopped LIVING and was merely coasting through my life, hiding out in the scrubs I wore as a nurse and in elastic waist exercise pants everywhere else.

Every morning when I woke up, I would think to myself, "I can't stand this! I can't go on like this! I have got to lose this weight!". But every morning I would go downstairs and eat a package of S'mores poptarts, and usually finish off a box of 8 before the day was done, plus eat whatever else I wanted; candy bars, cupcakes, reese cups. I never exercised. I always wanted to be dropped off at the door if my husband was driving. I used drive-thrus for most of my errands; banking, dropping off mail, pharmacy trips...I never wanted to do anything outdoorsy because my body was weak and I tired easily and sweated constantly, even in the winter.

I was deeply depressed and used food as my anti-depressant of choice. Because food will never reject you or make cruel comments, food will never scream at you or hit you, food will never turn it's back on you and abandon you when you need it. Because all of these things had happened to me at some point in my life, and my childhood had been full of abuse, fear and pain. I didn't want to live in the past and tried to forget the bad things that had happened to me, but there was just SO MUCH to forget, that sometimes it overwhelmed me and I would curl into a ball and stuff my face because while I was eating, nothing bothered me and no bad memory could seep through my sugary and carb-loaded shield. But I knew that I was only fooling myself in thinking that overeating was a safety net, because in reality, it was killing me slowly, one bite at a time.

Well, reaching my biggest pant size ever woke me up in a BIG way. It was the tap on the shoulder that motivated me into changing my lifestyle. I applied for a spot in a local Biggest Loser type program called The Weight Is Over(TWIO) and was chosen for a spot. I attended Tuesday night meetings of TWIO and learned so much about healthy living! I started eating better, more nutritional foods. I started MOVING! I used the gym membership that came with TWIO and tried my first spinning class on April 3, 2008. I pedaled for the entire hour long class, although I couldn't stand up and pedal for more than a second or two at a time.

I joined Sparkpeople and read every scrap of information they sent me and started keeping a written food/exercise journal. I made lifelong friends through TWIO and finally accepted the fact that HEALTH IS A JOURNEY, NOT A RACE!

From April 1, 2008, to December 2, 2008, I have lost over 35 pounds and have gone from a size 18 to a size 8! I walk with my dog, Shiloh, 2-3 times a day, or use the treadmill I got as an early Christmas present in 2008 when the weather is bad. Shiloh has learned to walk and jog without a leash on the treadmill! I've started jogging on the treadmill and can now consistenly run 2 miles, with a short walk in between. I park my car farther away from the door and use drive-thrus less frequenty. 9 times out of 10, I'm the one asking my family if they want to go for a Walk, go Bowling, go MOVE! I'm now able to keep up with the Spinning instructor and that is the best feeling! And I love, love, love my Kickboxing Class!

I haven't reached my goal of 153 pounds/size 6 yet, but I'm well on my way. I've chosen the motto; "GETTING FINE IN 2009" for my new title. I will be 35 on Feb. 22, 2009, and I want to lose my bulgy little belly and tone up everywhere. I'm making my 30's way better than my 20's ever were!

Member Since: 4/2/2008

Fitness Minutes: 27,985

My Goals:
10-01-11; today I weight 192.4; my goal is to weigh between 182-169 by Jan. 1, 2012, by sticking to my Weight Watchers Points Plus system and working out for a minimum of 3 Hours a week(a mix of Cardio and Weight Training).

My Program:
I don't have time for my Weight Watchers meetings in person any more, due to a hectic work schedule, so I follow the Points Plus System at home every day(this is why I haven't tracked my food on Sparkpeople for a while; but I DO keep track of everything I put in my mouth).
As of Oct. 1, 2011, I just finished Week 7 of Chalean Extreme(a 16 week program). My work schedule is NUTS and I never have a set time to leave, so I try to get my workout in BEFORE work, and aim for a minimum of 4 out of 5 days of Chalean Extreme each week.

Personal Information:
Northeast Ohio

Other Information:
Favorite Shows:

1. Biggest Loser
2. Ruby
3. What Not To Wear
4. Damages
5. Walking Dead
6. HawthoRNe
7. Any weight loss show

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