Sorting Last Post on Top Message:
BOUTTIME24 SparkPoints: (14,872)
Fitness Minutes: (39,551)
Posts: 145
12/2/14 9:14 A

I agree PocketfulOfSun, we watch those Alaska: The Last Frontier shows, and I always say I couldn't live there. Most of the year is too dark, too cold. I have a hard time living here in the North as it is. Some day I'd like to move South.

POCKETFULOFSUN SparkPoints: (21,948)
Fitness Minutes: (14,301)
Posts: 523
12/1/14 9:32 P

I don't mean to trivialize, but I believe the loss of daylight hours really has its way of making sad thoughts linger longer and hurt deeper than during the brighter months. We are just more susceptible to dark thoughts.

BOUTTIME24 SparkPoints: (14,872)
Fitness Minutes: (39,551)
Posts: 145
11/30/14 5:50 P

You're right Jibbie49, I am lucky. I had both my maternal grandparents till my Grandpa past away almost 10 years ago. Then my Gram past in January of this year. My paternal Grandfather died before I was born at the age of 47, but my Grandma is still alive, we're just not close.
I've had a hard time adjusting to my Grandmother not being here. I, along with my parents, was her caregiver for 5 years before she had died because a stroke made her unable to do most things. Wondering where the guilt comes in...? Along with the stroke came dementia. She hadn't known who I was for the last two years of her life. So, I distanced myself emotionally hoping to spare my feelings when it was her time to pass away. Well, it didn't work. I feel horrible for "leaving" her when she needed me most. She never would've left me.
And yeah, our finances have seen better days. And, like an idiot, I want to quit my job. I work full time and, especially during the week, don't see our children as much as I need to. But, I'm toughing it out until we're in a better position then I'm going part time.
Thank you for replying! And thank you for letting me vent! It's nice to know others understand.

JIBBIE49 Posts: 83,446
11/30/14 5:07 P

How lucky you were to have your grandmother all those years. Both of mine died before I was born. My mother's mother died when my mother was six and she was 24, so my mother went to live with her father and he died the next year at age 25. That was in 1915 when diptheria was the worst disease.
Having financial problems makes life difficult. I have five children and I was /am so frugal with every dollar.

BOUTTIME24 SparkPoints: (14,872)
Fitness Minutes: (39,551)
Posts: 145
11/30/14 12:01 P

I've never written a public journal before. I'm gonna try writing the way I would if I were writing in my spiral notebook. Thanks for reading.

So I've been feeling pretty low for a long time. I miss Grandma so much. Our first Thanksgiving without her was hard for me. I managed to hold it together, but probably because I broke down wednesday evening. It almost turned into an anxiety attack, but Jason had stepped in at the right moment. Now that it's sunday I have to face the thought of preparing for work tomorrow. I wish I would get a call back from one of the applications I've turned in. Until I do, I have to manage day by day. The four day weekend was a good break I suppose. Gave me some time to recharge, spend time with the Girls, and take a look at my attitude. I want to do better. My weight is beginning to suffer and I'm feeling physical pain because I'm letting this depression and anxiety get the best of me. It's been going on too long. I know I can overcome this! I feel like I've made progress overcoming the guilt of Grandma's death but dealing with work, missing the kids, struggling with our finances is all too much. It's affecting my weight. My appetite is out of control. I don't sleep well....I have to regain control. I have to make better choices, which I know will contribute to a better attitude. I've lived this. I can do this.

Page: 1 of (1)  

Other Community Journals Topics:

Last Post:
5/4/2017 10:55:00 AM
3/13/2017 10:47:58 AM
11/3/2013 8:33:07 AM
1/2/2014 9:26:01 AM