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LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 4,690
9/12/13 3:00 A

You should definitely live life and be open to falling in love. But, go out and meet people in real life instead of online. I've never done online dating (been married longer than it's been around, LOL), but I have friends who have and they tell me that the vast majority of guys they meet online are creeps.


You are a worthy person--worthy of respect, love and everything else. Don't let anyone or anything make you believe that you aren't.

--MEOW-- Posts: 4,667
9/11/13 9:25 P

Oh God :( ... I felt so identified...

First of all, there's nothing wrong about the fact that you've never had a bf before. Trust me, you're just 20 there are many many many girls and guys like you, so don't feel bad about it...

And about this guy uhmmm.... I'm sorry to say this but most guys online are just creepy perverts... you have to chat with them for weeks (even months) to know their real intentions.... this guy does sound like an idiot.
I know it hurts, most people don't understand how much "online rejection" can hurt but you have to learn to not take things so personally, you know?.... Ugh, When I was around 13-15 I was really really lonely so I tried meeting people online and about 99% of them were just old disgusting perverts that told me that they loved me and that I was so so special... *sigh* I actually believed them :(... but they always ended up asking me to do things on cam... and If I didn't they just blocked me. Lol I feel so stupid now, I can't even count how many times I cried because of those idiots....

I don't know this guy, but if he's so good looking and is in so many dating sites then chances are he's an insecure pervert. But well, I don't know him.... so let's give him the benefit of the doubt, let's say he really is a nice guy. You lied about your identity.... you used a fake picture and well, basically you lied to him... that's not good start for any relationship. If I met someone online who uses a fake picture... even if he's more good looking than the guy on the fake picture, I'd get away from him.... I'd feel like it's someone really insecure, someone I can't even trust. So keep that in mind too, I don't think the reason he stopped talking to you is because you are "too ugly and worthless" so please don't say that... if that had been the reason he would have blocked you since the moment you showed him the "real you".

Soooooooo my advice is.... yes you should allow yourself to fall in love but not so easily :( I do believe you can fall in love with people you meet online but you have to be very careful.... Everyone is a serial killer unless they prove the contrary :P
Also, I know that... it is easier to talk to people and make friends online when you're insecure and have self-esteem issues.... but most of the time dating sites and stuff don't get you anywhere.... trust me, been there :( done that....
Try joining a club or something... just go outside and do something you like... don't hide.... I'm still working on this myself hehe... I, too, when I see a guy (or girl) I like and he shows interest in me I usually get scared and avoid him all the time... try not to do that :( I know it's easier said than done but... I really hope things gett better for you emoticon you're young and you seem like a nice girl :) ... remember that we always learn something, even from the bad/sad experences... so yea :) it's not wasted time...

MAMA_CD Posts: 1,507
9/11/13 9:09 P

There's an old saying, "better to have loved and lost then never to have loved". For now, it's not about love, it's about a guy that looks good, don't fall for the "I love you" stuff on a first or second meeting. Just meet him, somewhere in a safe public place, perhaps go out with a group at some point. Find out what the guy is like as a person (not a lover). If you like him just as a person, you might want to see him again, if at any point your gut kinda has alarm bells going off of something being wrong, just pay attention to that. You'll know, take a risk and meet him and tell us how it goes. Enjoy life and congrats on your weight loss emoticon

LOLEMA SparkPoints: (105,894)
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Posts: 5,169
9/11/13 7:43 P

Be careful, cautious, don't allow anyone to hurt you and GO FOR IT!!!! LIVE, LAUGH & LOVE!

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,433
9/11/13 7:28 P

Should you allow yourself to fall in love? Sure... but

Should you allow yourself to fall in love ONLINE? NO.

Consider any feelings that you may develop in an online-only setting to be "curiosity and interest" to find out more about the person, to find out if they are someone you could or would want to fall in love with. Let it be "interest" UNTIL YOU MEET and get to know each other "in real life." Then, love may develop or maybe it won't. But make sure you get to this stage first.

There are a lot of players online. If you are using the 'net in an honest, upfront way then you may expect that everyone else is too. And it's hard to understand what motivates people to do otherwise. It can be a shocking rude-awakening to realize that an awful lot of people don't play nice at all, there's an awful lot of cyber-sociopaths, that just don't seem to see other "online people" as "real people" and won't have a single thought or regret about the impact they are having on "the person on the other side of the screen."

I will give you one suggestion, if you are hesitant to provide your real photograph, you'd be better of saying "I would prefer not to exchange photographs just yet" than to send a fake one. You're under NO obligation to send out "real photos" before you are ready. People might ask or even get pushy about wanting one, but you ALWAYS retain the right to just say no. And you *should* say no, until you are comfortable enough with sending a real one.

SPERRIN2012 SparkPoints: (181,188)
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Posts: 17,742
9/11/13 5:25 P

If it's the right person, absolutely. just remember the rest of your life is a long time to keep the positive vibes rolling. emoticon

GEVANS7 SparkPoints: (310,383)
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Posts: 2,122
9/11/13 5:20 P

Life is all about falling in love. Love is life - but learn to love yourself first. Chances of getting hurt are always present, but the hurt won't be so bad if you believe in yourself.

With that said, I would want you to fall in love OFF cyberspace. Lost of predators out there who thrive on taking from people who are looking for love. If you do go down this path, take a friend with you and be very careful. At the first mention that he needs money - RUN.

and good luck - you are young - love will come when you least expect it

PITUFA2471 Posts: 573
9/11/13 12:08 P


Don't worry and let me tell you I can totally understand you. But like you said "seems weird why someone that good looking with such a killer body can't find love in real life, right?
Well he might be good looking in the outside but very ugly in the inside.
Please don't let that hold you back, do it for yourself I know it is hard and it hurts but if we don't let that wall down we will never know if true love is there and we let it go because we are scare.

CHEETARA79 Posts: 3,944
9/11/13 11:54 A

This guy sounds like he's just messing around so I'd stay away from him.

KENDILYNN SparkPoints: (22,924)
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9/11/13 11:48 A

I am so sorry you're feeling this way. I also had low self-esteem as a teenager and wouldn't even allow myself to admit that I liked a guy for fear of rejection. Looking back, I don't know if it was discomfort with my looks/body or not knowing who I was and what I had to offer another person. I had my first real bf in college, but it was awkward. He was a nice guy, and he said he liked me and I liked the idea that someone else could like me. We would have been better off as friends, but it didn't do any damage. I now realize that my "picker" was so distorted that I could have been easily led into ruin if instead of a nice guy he had been a too-good-looking, smooth talker who made me feel lucky to be with him.

It took me a couple of years of college to get comfortable with myself. It mostly happened through making friends who I came to realize valued my mind, heart and sense of humor. I stopped worrying that my opinions might turn someone else off, and slowly became that girl who would blurt out what was on my mind. And you know what? I said some dumb stuff once in a while (I still do, to be honest). But I also said some pretty smart/funny things. And I started to feel like a pretty smart/funny girl who had something to offer, no matter what size I was.

By the time I met my husband, I was on my way to becoming a confident independent person, and I wasn't looking for someone to complete me. I don't know what would have happened if he and I had met when I was that awkward self-conscious girl looking for validation. I don't think it would have worked out, because I wouldn't have shown him the part of me that he admires, for fear of rejection.

But this isn't about me, it's about sounds like you need to learn to love yourself and all the things you have to offer the world before you can be comfortable being loved for who you are. I agree with the previous poster who suggested you try doing that in real life and not on the internet. Join a club, volunteer, socialize, make friends. One true friend can act as a mirror to show you just how much you are worth to the people who matter, and that's more powerful than a hundred random chat-buddies. I sincerely wish you all the best as you navigate this.

CAMEOSUN SparkPoints: (86,617)
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Posts: 10,426
9/11/13 11:42 A

If he's on all the dating sites - he's looking for women to build his ego. Also more notches on his belt. He may have a gf who is unaware of this. Don't feel bad - you are learning discernment.

EMPRESSAMQ Posts: 5,077
9/11/13 10:21 A

Hugs, reading this makes me feel sad and glad for you at the same time as, not to sound like an elder here, though you have felt some pain, I hope for you that you have learned that maybe thinking you could fall in love on the internet can often be an illusion.

Let love come when it comes, but do it in real life, not some chat room somewhere.

Sorry to sound advice-ish.

Just answering the original question.


9/11/13 9:24 A

i'm heartbroken.
i didn't want to upload a real pic of me, so i uploaded a fake one (a random girl that looked like me- but she was slimmer- though somewhat chubby). i was in the chatroom just to chat.i never wished for anything more than some human contact. but this guy seemed so good. i would send him a real pic if things turned out fine. but of course they didn't.
he asked me to webcam.i exlained about the pic and he said he was alright. he was 1000 mor beautiful and cool on cam. that' when he said he liked me the way i was cause i looked happy.
we had a small chat and then he made the sexiest gesture goodbye by kissing off. i was on cloud 9. i decided i would meet up but i never told him.
because since the camera chat he's ignored every message i sent him. he's clearly showing me he's not interested. that's alright. i am not about to lose any more dignity chasing him online. i am simply wondering why he lied about liking me and why he kissed off. it was SO unecessary and it crippled my heart. it would be alright if he could just be honest telling me i wasn't good enough for him at the first place, before i got my hopes up.
i feel as ugly as hell. as unworthy as hell.
the only thing that's consolting is that there is probably something wrong with him. because i searched him out online and he's a member in every possible dating site. seems weird why someone that good looking with such a killer body can't find love in real life, right? i guess i should be happy i got away as fast. if only he hadn't been so sweet with me...
it would make things a hell lot easier.
thank you all for your answers. i guess i'll be over it soon.

PITUFA2471 Posts: 573
9/9/13 11:43 A

Yes we should. We will never know what awaits us in the future but for now enjoy it and allow it to happen. Lower that brick wall and let it happen and allow it to come in.....I think and believe that the hurt feeling makes us stronger and experienced so focus on the positive because we can some way some deal with any sadness. You never know if that person is the right one unless you allow it to happen because if not you will feel sorry and upset with yourself for not taking the risk.

DRAGONCHILDE SparkPoints: (61,458)
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9/9/13 11:25 A

You can't avoid getting hurt in life. Period. We can't tell you nothing is going to happen, but the potential benefits FAR outweigh the negatives. We all deal with sadness and disappointment.

But if you spend your entire life being afraid of getting hurt, then you will never experience the richness that life has to offer.

Your life begins NOW. Don't wait.

CAMEOSUN SparkPoints: (86,617)
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Posts: 10,426
9/9/13 11:11 A

If you decide to meet. Can you bring someone with you? That other person can be there for protection & to help evaluate the guy.

LEC358 SparkPoints: (11,135)
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Posts: 2,744
9/9/13 10:39 A

No one said anything about waiting to be thin before getting a life. Just like no one said that being with a guy is equivalent to having a life. Both, in fact, are not true.

This is where your mentality kicks in. If you want to go out and kick up your heels and have fun at clubs, go forth and do. Confidence is sexy. Sometimes you just have to fake until you make it. Sometimes its fun (more fun IMO) to just ignore the guys and have fun, they'll come to you. Don't worry about meeting a partner for life yet (or in fact ever. Watching my friends over the years, the more they worried about it, the less likely it happened). Find a guy who is fun to hang around with and go from there. I've decided that the single most courageous word in the English language is "Hi." Once that's over with, it's a cakewalk.

AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 3,293
9/9/13 10:30 A

Yes, it is stupid to wait to get thin in order to have a life. So, get out there and get to know people and let them get to know you.

I was dating when my BMI was 43. It never stopped me or even slowed me down much. You can't put your life on hold until you look perfect, if such a thing is even attainable.

That being said, there is a certain type of guy who will look for a younger, overweight girl with low self-confidence because it is easy to manipulate and control someone like be careful and focus on getting to know someone before you worry about love too much.

9/9/13 9:52 A

i have never dated or kiss anyone.
i am 20 yo and i feel bad. people my age take their relationships to the next level... i haven't even been liked by anyone so far (to my knowledge).
but it's not like i'm constantly looking for love. in fact whenever i see a guy i like in real life i shy away and make them leave before they have a chance to meet me.
it's just that i would like to try. finally. it feels stupid to wait to get thin before i can get a life.

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,484
9/9/13 9:47 A

20 yo girl who's been single all her life emoticon you're just getting started

ditto on what LEC358 said:
Rule 1: If you decide to meet in real life, meet in a public place. Seriously.

LEC358 SparkPoints: (11,135)
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Posts: 2,744
9/9/13 9:38 A

Rule 1: If you decide to meet in real life, meet in a public place. Seriously.

Love is a ways off yet so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Meet the guy, see what he's like in person, how he treats you, how he treats other people in public. IMO that's one of the best ways to judge a guy's character and worthiness. Negging is not a good thing.

I was essentially single all through school (even grad school), no serious BFs, dating only occaisionally, and I hated it. I wanted to be in a relationship. It took me a while to figure this out, but for me to be ready to be in a relationship, I needed to be happy and accept myself as single first. So that took a little while and eventually, I learned how to go out, hang out with my friends and just enjoy being there and not constantly scoping the room for a cute guy. Long story short: I learned that I had to be happy with myself before I could learn to be happy with someone else. *hugs*

9/9/13 9:22 A

i'm a very sensitive, very insecure 20 yo girl who's been single all her life. i've gone from being morbidly obese to being overweight and then obese again and now i'm heading down overweight again. my bmi is 37 (normal being anything between 20-25).
i think i'm average looking the way i am now. i have a nice face and such.
yesterday i had a video-chat with a guy i met online and with whom we've been talking recently (who has even asked to meet up.i told him not to hurry- he's also 10 years older than i am). i asked him if he liked me and he said he did. but i have trouble believing that. he's gorgeous and fit. i keep thinking of how my chin would look on camera. only part about my face i dislike (it's only visible when my head is down), it looks kinda flabby.
seeing him yesterday, he looked so cool and i want to meet him too. i'm scared cause it's an online thing, but still it's all i think about.
and then i think i am disgusting.
what should i do? i really cannot afford to get hurt now. i'm under depression medication and i'm finally starting to feel good. but i like him...

Edited by: COSMICWATCHER at: 9/9/2013 (09:38)
Page: 1 of (1)  

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