Fitness Minutes: (6,258)
356 9/1/12 1:28 P
Jessica, I am a recent cancer survivor... and the whole process I went through that year made such an impact on my spirit (both positive and negative). I know it really feels like it, but you are definitely NOT alone! If you ever want to talk, I would be glad to be a shoulder or sounding board. Contact me and I will give you my number if you want.
Fitness Minutes: (41,449)
26,963 8/31/12 12:14 A
As a former Caregiver (professionally and personally) I can tell you that MANY family and friends don't "get it" unless it actually happens to them! My own husband has told me this when I suffered considerably after a bad accident a few years ago. I was told "I didn't understand", and the thing is, even tho' I have explained many times to some, they STILL don't get it. BUT having said that, I don't think it right that we have to bottle things up just because they lack the empathy. WE have a right to verbalize our thoughts and feelings, too! For me I had a trusted Dr who gave me soooo much time and who was very supportive, knowing the circumstances of extended family's attitude. (Some were HIS patients too!)
Just make sure that you have people with whom you can confide - whether it includes a Therapist, or Dr, or a friend. You may even find that someone who is only vaguely a friend my prove to be just the person for you and a really strong friendship could develop.
(I wonder if the problems are related to your recent cancer treatment (not the cancer.))
BIG hugs, Kris
Fitness Minutes: (15,887)
8/30/12 7:54 P
Thank you all very the kind words...I am finally getting somewhere with all this pain. Sitting in the ER awating to be seen. After my scans this afternoon, my doc said go to ER ASAP..liver is enlarged and enyzmes are elevated... trying to keep myself calm...
Fitness Minutes: (82,915)
7,170 8/30/12 12:52 P
I was always one before who would never ask for help. I'm kind of in that "old school" thought process of being in the military for 13 years that asking for help was a sign of weakness. It didn't help the fact that when I was married, my ex-husband was so unreliable, that I really felt like I had to do everything myself. Now that I am older and wiser, I recognize that I am not Xena the Warrior Princess, and never was, and that if I need help and ask for it, it is actually a sign of strength. It takes a strong and mature person to recognize their areas of strengths and need for improvement (I hate the word "weakness", so I say "need for improvement").
Yes, I believe if you keep your faith strong, and trust in God, that whatever you thought was impossible, He can make possible. I also had to realize that He is the one in control, not me or anyone else. When we learned about my Mom's liver cancer, I had a difficult time to believe it and didn't want it to be true, because she was incredibly healthy for most of her life, did all the "right" things: never smoked, never did drugs, never drank, ate healthy food, exercised, etc. A really close friend of mine, also a believer, told me that whatever happens, I had to be ok with it, that God is in control, not any of us. It helped me to accept her death. She passed away less than 90 days after her diagnosis. I would give anything to have 10 minutes more with her. The days I spent taking care of her, we talked thru a lot of things, forgave each other for past hurts, and made peace. We both knew she was going to Heaven, and somehow that made it all ok.
What I learned from this, and also from the death of my best high school friend the same year (we were the same age), is to take each day as a gift, do your best every day, and live each day to the fullest. I am sure you already know this. Rather than spending your days with stress and worry, tho', perhaps, just give it all over to God. Give him your pain and your fear and your anxiety and your nauseaous, sick feelings. It may sound hard to do on those days when you really feel ill, but perhaps, giving it over to Him will help you to enjoy your days much better.
I know how it must break your heart when your daughter has the worried eyes and talks about your boo-boos. You are blessed to have a loving and caring child at such a young age. She is going to be fine, she is just expressing her love to you in the way she knows how.
I'm glad you are taking a break. I know you are anxious to get back into your running and working out, but maybe this is God's way of telling you that you need to slow down. When I had two major head injuries within three weeks of each other, the second one causing the brain injury, later I realized it was like God was saying to me, "Ok, I tried to warn you the first time, but you wouldn't take it easy and rest. Now you are forced to rest."
Take the time you need to heal. Believe me, I am dealing with many injuries over the course of years, that didn't heal right because I was in too much of a hurry to jump back in. As I get older, I see that it wasn't very smart, but you could not have told me that back then.
I'll be praying for your healing. Take good care.
Fitness Minutes: (15,887)
8/29/12 9:16 P
Thank you for the thoughtful post. You are right about my daughter. I have faith that this illness will pass and she will grow up to be very strong and not damaged from this . Though when i am alone with her and in the depth of feeling of ill and she looks at me with those worried eyes and says " mama's boo boo" makes me want to cry. I dont want her to see me sick EVER... I see the doctor on friday, so i will have a better handle on what is going on, I will get my blood tests back by phone in the morning, so that is a start. I am taking a break from doing anything strenuous right now...just very long long walks and using 5lb dumbells. Its amazing how just a few short weeks you can go from feeling fairly well, to real crummy. I know this to shall pass. You are right I need to confide in my friends and family, I just have such a hard time asking for help. I feel like its a huge burden, though I know i shouldn't feel that way. One day in the future I know I will be able to be the active mom I always dreamt of being, in the meantime I will spend my time with my daughter , reading to her, play dolls, blocks and leave the other stuff for her sitter or dad til I start feeling better again.
Kids are much more resilient than we give them credit for. She is very young still, so while she might see you as being sick and not feeling well, I don't think it will affect her emotional well-being as much as we adults might think, because they can only process so much at a time.
Continue to confide in your friends and family. Don't keep things to yourself. It will only make you feel so much worse and more alone. I understand that they want you to feel better, but they also have to see the reality of the situation. Perhaps it would make you feel less stressed if you can let your family and friends know what you need. If it would help you to feel better if they can take your daughter for a couple of hours so that you can rest, then it's perfectly fine for you to tell them this. I don't know if this is something that you already might be doing, but if not, I think it will help you so much more in your healing to be honest and straightforward.
When I had my brain injury 5 years ago, I went thru a period of time when I could not drive, I could not do a lot of things for myself. My family were all out-of-state (they were here and I was in another state). I had to rely on my friends, I had no other way to get to the doctor, the grocery store, wherever it was I needed to go. I had to tell them what I needed, because they had no way of knowing. This is actually a chance for you to see who your true friends are. There were many people who would feel sorry for me and say, "now, if there is anything I can do, just let me know." The standard response people will say when someone is not well.
When I took them up on it, and really, really needed help, I heard a lot of excuses for why they couldn't help. Some were relatives thru marriage of family memebers but not blood-related to me--so more than just a friend, it would seem. I learned who I could rely on and who couldn't. Perhaps, rather than thinking you are burdening them by telling them you don't feel well, tell them what they can do to help you feel better. A lot of people want to help, they just have no idea what to do. Ask them to do your dirty dishes. Ask them to do your laundry. Ask them something specific, and I am almost positive that you will feel better and they will feel better too. Don't feel like you have to do it all by yourself. If you help them to feel useful, they will appreciate it more than you know. Cancer can cause people to feel helpless. Helping you in these ways can help them, and you, to deal with it better.
Fitness Minutes: (15,887)
8/29/12 2:53 P
Hi maria ...
thank you so much.. i am just finding that my friends and family are having a real hard time dealing with the cancer and i hate bothering them. I hate having to tell them that i am not feeling well. when all they want is for me to feel better. I know i should confide in them but they have all been through so much this year. I Just dont want to stress them out any more. Until i know for sure what is going on, i guess keeping it to myself is the best, but very hard and emotional. i am terrified, i don't know what if i am strong enough for another round of treatments....at this moment I don't feel like i am. Though i know deep down i need to be for my daughter. Its killing me that she has too see her mommy so sick all the time, i feel like i am robbing her of a mom that is healthy and a childhood that is carefree
I am not a cancer survivor, but I have lost 2 very close loved ones to cancer in 2009 (and some other loved ones not so close), and now my cousin is dying from cancer--the doctors told her recently that there is nothing more that they can do. This is her third time going thru it (and she and I are the same age).
I was my Mom's caretaker until she passed away, so while I don't know firsthand how you feel, I see what my loved ones have gone thru.
I'm here for you and I can be supportive to you as much as I can, if that's ok with you.
Fitness Minutes: (296,538)
8/29/12 12:45 P
Hello, Jessica !
There are several team Spark Teams for cancer survivors. You might want to check out these. there are more listings if you look through the spark teams listing.
One thing you might do when you talk to your doctor is to ask if there are any local cancer support groups you can join. You doctor should have information. If not, do a search and check out online cancer support groups in your area. You might even want to try Facebook too.
Fitness Minutes: (15,887)
8/29/12 10:32 A
I am feeling so alone in this journey. I am waiting to get into my doctors. I have an appointment on friday. I know I should rely on my friends and family but my friends they don't get it. To them its not serious because I am not hooked up to IV and in the hospital. My family well I just don't want to hound them, they are all so busy with there lives that this would just be one thing to bother them with. I can't help but feel, that something is really wrong. I walk around nausious all the time, my belly looks like i am 4 months preggers( i am not , its impossible, no ovaries= no babies) lower belly pain that I don't understand where its coming from. What is confusing me is, that I had surgery june 11 and they got it all. Everything was cleared after removing the tumor....my doc said that the chances of it coming back are not great and it would take a while for it to grow back if it did. I was thinking could it be the surgical incesions but those feel fine....also there was a about a 6 week period where I was feeling wonderful ...its just the last couple of week. :-( just feeling frustrated and down. I know cancer happens to good people and wouldn't wish this on anyone, but wow do I feel alone in this battle. sorry about the vent...i know it was not posted in the right place but just felt the need to reach out before I reached for some ice cream or something...
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