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DMJAKES Posts: 1,635
7/23/13 3:46 P

Seductive - I think it's time for a "moment" with him to talk about why he does that, and what YOU need from him. Is he afraid you're going to get all fit and then leave him? Or is he just being a selfish jerk? I have found that with my husband I have to be VERY specific with what I want - he does not take hints well at all.

If he really jumps in the car and leaves when you say you want to work out, I think I'd have to question his ability to think about anyone but himself. If you're in a partnership/marriage, that means effort and sacrifice on both sides, not just yours.

If you bring this up and he doesn't see the light at all, I'd say some counseling is in order. How old is this guy anyway? He sounds pretty immature.

You might also get better answers if you start a separate thread for your question.

SEDUCTIVEBEAUTI SparkPoints: (1,255)
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Posts: 1
7/23/13 3:27 P

Hey guys. I'm not use to talking to persons about my personal life but its beginning to tear me down and I'm hoping this is a place where i can pour my heart out and don't be judged or talked about. I'm a wife and mother of 1 very active kid that has me drained after being drained from work. i have to play with her keep her happy and I'm very happy and proud to that that but the father only pitches in when i have to go to work or i drop asleep while he's in bed with us. and if i tell him that I'm going out to exercise he puts on his clothes jump in the car and takes off and don't come back till he knows i wont go anymore and I'm not equipped with the items needed to exercise. i try to eat differently in a healthy way but its not enough. How can i go about dealing with this?

NSMANN Posts: 977
7/23/13 1:53 P

I am your same weight and I would KILL for a steady 1 pound weight loss per week. 1 pound weight loss at your weight is the maximum you're gonna lose. Only people in the 200's lose 2 pounds or more. My weight loss is more like 1/4 pound for week, and I'm doing everything right. Be happy, you're not plateauing.

ONTHEPATH2 SparkPoints: (157,022)
Fitness Minutes: (156,268)
Posts: 7,300
7/23/13 1:46 P

i know it sounds crazy, but try eating more. I move within my calorie range daily, trying to not have two days that are on the low end in a row. When I do that, I seem to stall. I know when I get stuck, I want to eat less - and when I do, I stay stuck! When I eat more, I usually don't gain or only gain .2 but then the following day I will see a drop.

ANARIE Posts: 13,192
7/23/13 1:42 P


Please read Coach Dean's explanation in this thread:

The number of calories you need to eat is largely separate from the calories you burn. You need around 1400 calories a day to get the calcium, protein, iron, fiber, vitamins, and so on that your body needs to stay healthy. Those needs don't change a whole lot with exercise. Nothing terrible is going to happen to you from eating 1400 and burning 400.

However, it probably isn't comfortable to do that. It probably makes you feel really hungry. That can be a problem because it makes you more likely to feel like you're working way too hard for too little result. Eating an extra snack on the days you exercise won't make you lose faster, but it will let you lose longer, if you know what I mean. If you're hungry all the time, your own survival instincts will eventually take over and make you overeat. It's as normal as pulling your hand away from something hot.

And as for the husband losing more, he's really not. He might be losing more pounds, but he's not losing a larger percentage of what he needs to lose. Look at it that way. Every week, take out the calculator and divide what you lost by the amount you had left to lose at the beginning of the week. You'll see that it's a larger amount now than when you started. One pound divided by 20 pounds is .05. That's 5%. Somebody who has 50 pounds to lose and loses one has only lost 2%. You're going gangbusters if you're still losing a pound every two weeks or so.

FITGLAMGIRL Posts: 2,045
7/23/13 1:21 P

Are you doing the same fitness routine everyday? Are you weight training? How lean is your eating? How much water are you drinking? Are you eating any fast food, processed foods, drinking soda, sugary foods? All of these things matter!

Our bodies get used to the same thing. That is why we need to change it up like every 6-8 weeks with fitness. They also get used to eating the same things too, so you might try changing that up too.

Yes, please don't compare to your husband. Men are just different! Ha Ha!

NEPTUNE1939 Posts: 17,478
7/23/13 12:35 P

To end a lot of confusion I might suggest you looking into Tom Venuto's E-book "Burn the Fat Feed the Muscle".

Plateaus - Don't get confused - the body needs a break from any lengthy or excessive exercise. A plateau has a lot to do with your "Central Nervous System" (CNS). CNS is telling you to STOP - SLOW DOWN - "I need a rest". LISTEN TO IT! Your less likely to do damage to your Muscles and/or ligaments; avoid injury.

Don't force muscle growth! A lot of good articles can be found on - a free site.

Don't forget PROTEIN. It builds and SUSTAINS muscle. There are two main types; Whey & Casein. Personally, I mix 1-scoop of CASEIN (comes with the package) in 3/4 glass of milk & stir it in with my cooked rolled oats. Casein is great as it is digested slowly over a 6 to 8 hour period. Muscle needs a daily supply. This is in addition to the meat & dairy protein taken with my meals.

WHEY is great to take after a heavy workout as it is digested within 20 -to 30 minutes when your muscles need it most; one scoop mixed with water, grape juice or whatever you prefer DOES aid in muscle recovery. Of course you don't want to overdo it. What you don't burn up CAN turn to fat as will any other food source. Everything in moderation is still a good guideline.

Need self-esteem? The words of wisdom espoused by Solomon still hold true today. He is said to be the main author of the "Book of Proverbs". You can find it on-line. It contains 31 short chapters on how one should conduct relationships, business and life. I challenge you to read a short chapter a day & digest what you read. Repeat this 31 day cycle thrice and it will convert "Stinking Thinking".

You are a good person & deserve the best of living for you & your loved ones. Have a stupendous day, Earl emoticon emoticon

ELIJAHSMOMMY1 SparkPoints: (2,615)
Fitness Minutes: (4,524)
Posts: 86
7/23/13 11:42 A


yea something about eating more after I have gotten used to less frightens me...a lot...

a lot of people have told me the same, and it always seems that when I have a planned splurge I lose more, actually I have been on my mothers case a lot recently because she seems to think a shake and some eggs for the day is enough....and she is only going back and forth with water weight but will not listen to me, I am going to try eating more, what can it hurt to try? maybe you should too if it works that would be awesome for us both :)

One thing I do try to do is on the days I take off I try to stick to the lower of my limits for calories and I do 1500 on my workout days but I do burn a lot of calories so it sounds like more can be of luck to you! you can do it!

LAURIEANDBLUE2K SparkPoints: (56,272)
Fitness Minutes: (144,509)
Posts: 228
7/23/13 11:38 A

I am having the same problem! I am off for the summer and have been burning over 500 calories per day walking, jogging, and biking since July 2. I've been sticking to the 1200-1500 calories religiously. I have lost 7 pounds in 3 weeks. I know losing 2 pounds per week is the healthy way to lose weight but I am feeling like it should be a little more. People say that I should increase my calories since I work out so much.

I guess you guys are saying the same thing. I just don't want to start eating too much more.

ELIJAHSMOMMY1 SparkPoints: (2,615)
Fitness Minutes: (4,524)
Posts: 86
7/23/13 11:37 A

thank you, I will try, men have that great metabolism :)

LOUIE-LILY Posts: 5,657
7/23/13 11:32 A

Also, try not to compare yourself to your husband's weight loss. Men lose faster than women (so unfair) due to their muscle mass. It's just the way we're made. Sounds like you've made great progress! Congratulations!

ELIJAHSMOMMY1 SparkPoints: (2,615)
Fitness Minutes: (4,524)
Posts: 86
7/23/13 11:27 A


Thanks so much, to be honest I was so scared to ever count calories I just knew there was nothing I could eat counting calories but surprisingly its not so bad, and the food I cook is honestly more flavorful, but I am so nervous about new territory with calories and working out because I do not want to mess up, I have never been this small, my smallest was 169 before then I got up to 220 after my son, and in the year before I started sparkpeople only went down to 207 so 162 is exciting for me but I am still scared of not making it or messing up :) you have been very helpful thank you :)

7/23/13 11:23 A


That's right. Normally, to maintain, your body would need around 1800-2200 calories (depending on your activity level...maybe even more). So, when you eat 1200-1500, you are already running a deficit. Eating that number of calories alone would bring about weight loss. Adding exercise and burning calories on top of that, makes the deficit greater. So, you have t be careful. Going lower than 1200 can cause serious problems for your body. You need food to build new muscle, repair damage done by exercise, and to just live. your exercise goes up, so does your needed number of calories!

ELIJAHSMOMMY1 SparkPoints: (2,615)
Fitness Minutes: (4,524)
Posts: 86
7/23/13 11:18 A

I have been very confused at how this works, am i supposed to aim to have a steady 1200-1500 even after burned calories? I have been thinking about seeing my doc and getting his opinion on my overall health and what to do from here

7/23/13 11:15 A

If you lost a pound, you have not hit a plateau.

I am worried that in fact you are eating too little and burning too much. Let's say your range for weight loss is 1200-1550 calories. THEN, on any given day, you burn 500 calories. Than means you've actually taken in only 700-1000 calories. That's not enough. It will freak out your metabolism. Your body will think your are in danger and it will adjust your metabolism to save you.

Let's say you ate 2000 calories in a day. Then you burned 500 calories with exercise. Hooray! You are now in the correct range! You body can take in 1500 calories.

I know it sounds strange, but sometimes we really do need to eat more to lose weight!

ELIJAHSMOMMY1 SparkPoints: (2,615)
Fitness Minutes: (4,524)
Posts: 86
7/23/13 11:09 A

Okay so here it is,

I have lost 46 lbs (yay) but i am 6 months in and within 20-30 lbs of my goal depending on how I look at my first goal of 145.

I burned well over 1800 calories last week biking and push mowing my yard and just to be safe if I push mow for two hours I only count one and when I bike I usually go over 15 mph but i always count it as less than 12. I do not know if this is a good idea but I have always heard calorie trackers tend to over-estimate and I do not want to hurt my calorie loss because I think I have burned more than I did. I only lost 1 lb, I say only but any loss is good and my lifestyle is now better which is the most important part, but I really struggle with my self esteem in many areas but weight the most, I would really like to stop this plateau and get going strong again. I do not know if I am burning too much and not eating enough bt to me that thought is scary because I don't want to risk the opposite and burn to little while eating too much, I do burn lots more than sparkpeople recommends, but I stay right on the calories to eat, I want to stay strong so advice would be great, please understand that I am trying my best and honestly I do not slack....I outwork my husband at every turn and hes down like 60 lbs and still losing I am proud of him but it is hard to watch him eat more and do less and still lose more than I am....thank you ahead of time :)

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