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OUT_OF_MY_TOWER SparkPoints: (403)
Fitness Minutes: (80)
Posts: 82
5/14/14 9:49 A

Build up your confidence, sense of self and respect for yourself and tell them to mind their own business, focus on their workouts like they are supposed to and leave you alone.

if you let uncomfortable circumstances scare you away from your goals... you may have already been looking for a reason to quit.

ANDILH Posts: 1,543
5/14/14 8:22 A

I'm with the other posters who have suggested notifying the apartment complex in writing. Preferably with a certified letter. That way someone has to sign for it, and you get a return receipt, so they can't later claim they weren't notified.
I also don't think you should have to bring a man with you just to protect you from the idiots in the gym. That in and of itself is degrading, it sends the message that you can't protect yourself, and would probably leave you open to more harassment if there is a time when you work out without a partner in the future. Is it the same man/men each time or is it most people? If it's random, that might be harder for management to control, but if it's generally the same people each time, they should be able to step in.
My best suggestion would be to very clearly state that you consider what they're saying to you harassment, you have notified management, and if it continues you will be notifying the police. Most of the time that will get them to back off. Harassment is a crime if it doesn't stop. It's not likely that it would go anywhere in the courts, but it would be embarrassing for the person making the comments to be dragged through the system at all for harassing a woman who won't date them.

SHARBEAR100 Posts: 107
5/13/14 8:23 P

It sounds like you would rather try to resolve the issue than quit the gym, so you could try a number of things. Send a letter to the management complaining and stating that you expect them to talk the the offenders and/or discontinue their use of the gym. You shouldn't have to quit, and if the on-site management won't do something about it, write to the building owners. I doubt they would allow that to continue if it was happening in the hallways or lobby areas. They shouldn't allow it in the gym. Keep a copy of the letter, and as the previous poster suggested, you may want to send it certified. This protects you from future retaliation.

I would also get some pepper spray and have it handy in case the guys get out of hand. And although I agree that you shouldn't have to use your boyfriend to get respect, your safety is more important than your pride. Have him come with you, or try to change the time you go. What I wouldn't do is talk back to them. You should say "no", or "I'm just here to work out like you", but don't sass them. It might just cause them to get worse and possibly physical. I hope this works out for you.

PS: It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is being very supportive. What's up with that? I would think he'd be mad to know you're alone in a gym with a bunch of guys harassing you.

Edited by: SHARBEAR100 at: 5/13/2014 (20:28)
LAURELTOO SparkPoints: (564)
Fitness Minutes: (405)
Posts: 97
5/12/14 8:08 A

Wow, i do feel your pain. That sort of thing is maddening. I mean its one thing to talk or ask you on a date, but if its threatening or unwelcome (a bit hazy territory, but if you have told them 'no' lets assume any further advances are unwelcome) thats completely different.

im tempted to say make a stink to the landlord/management company, but i also know where i live tenants can just be non-renewed on their leases for no reason. So someone who does that may need to find a new place to live. personally might write a professional letter (and send it certified mail) stating that due to the situation, etc, i would like my 75 back.

and then id go spend that on karate classes ;) (no really though, martial arts can be a huge confidence booster. it may be an idea!)

LULUBELLE65 SparkPoints: (37,106)
Fitness Minutes: (27,770)
Posts: 1,169
5/12/14 6:11 A

Honestly, I hate the idea of having to have your boyfriend go and protect you. You have a right to work out without being harassed. I would contact the apartment management company again and explain to them that you are being sexually harassed and that as your landlord they are obligated to provide a living situation that is free of harassment.

I would then contact your local legal aid organization and get a copy of the tenant-landlord laws. Laws vary from state to state, but there will be some sort of requirement for landlords along the lines of:

" Keep areas used by the tenants of more than one apartment clean and safe; and
Keep facilities and appliances such as electric wiring, plumbing, heating, and air conditioning in good and safe working order."

There will also be rules in place for tenants:

"Follow any building and housing codes that apply to tenants, and that affect health and safety in an important way"
"Avoid doing things that will disturb the neighbors' peace and quiet."

The repeated use of the word "Safety" is important. Your personal safety is compromised when you are subject to harassment. You need for your landlord to see that you are a huge pain in the a$$ and that you will make their lives difficult if they do not deal with the problem.

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (198,476)
Fitness Minutes: (296,538)
Posts: 27,192
5/11/14 2:29 P


Keep complaining to the whomever manages the gym for the apartment complex. What you're experiencing is sexual harassment. It's true that many gyms have reputations for being pick up joints. Gyms have rules. Your apartment gym shouldn't be any different. At my gym, if a person complains that someone keeps trying to pick them up after telling them, not interested, the management can cancel that person's membership. It is in the contract members signed.

You shouldn't have to deal with that kind of harassment and it is harassment if this guys are being persistent and don't stop. It is unnerving. All you want to do it get in, get your workout done and get out. That's the way it should be for everyone.

However, if these guys don't stop and management won't help, you should ask for a full refund. Tell them you can't get in a workout when guys keep trying to pick you up. Now, if you don't want to give up this gym membership, can the boyfriend work out with you at the same time ? maybe if you went in with your boyfriend, the idiots will take a hint.

There are no other gyms in your area that are cheaper ?

BARBZUMBA SparkPoints: (14,368)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 20,355
5/11/14 2:20 P

Tell the leeches to back the hell off. Gyms should not be pick up joints. The place has to have an attendant, right? Complain, and demand your membership fee be returned if these creeps
are not thrown out.

Edited by: BARBZUMBA at: 5/11/2014 (19:39)
MOTIVATED@LAST Posts: 15,451
5/10/14 11:55 P

I'm not sure exactly what they are saying, but if I am feeling self-conscious about exercising in front of others, I keep repeating to myself "Yes, but at least I am doing something about it".


5/10/14 10:09 P

I would ask a friend, neighbor, or boyfriend to workout with you or go early in the morning. Your boyfriend can even just go in and check in with you.

You have a right to ask for a distraction free workout. If they don;t enforce the rules, you should get your money back and join a regular gym.

CORTNEY-LEE SparkPoints: (67,852)
Fitness Minutes: (69,867)
Posts: 3,526
5/10/14 9:04 P

If it were me personally I would deal with it using sarcasm and crude humor.

For example, if a guy asked me to go back to his apartment, I would say something like...
"Not really interested in you, but maybe you could show me a picture of your mom"?

If they are staring at you, go all out 80's on them, and in your very best Valley Girl voice say
"Like, Oh my god, like take a picture, it will like last longer loser"

When they make comments, (though I am not sure exactly what they are saying)
use the famous "you kiss your mother with that mouth"

Sometimes it takes saying something directly to that person or persons to make them stop.

CHIBIAKIRA SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (2,457)
Posts: 3
5/10/14 5:33 P

Hi all, I am hoping to get some good advice here today. My gym is in my aprtment complex, and every time I work out, I am not alone. There are usually other people in there, including men. Tge guys alwats stare me down like prey, and i usually go about my business with my music in my ears. A couple of times, there have been some degrading things that have been said to me, and i try to ignore them but it's very hard. One guy even asked me to go back to his apartment! When i ignore these people, they don't go away.. and ive tried telling the people in the apartment office but they dont seem to care. I dont want to give up going to the gym because my boyfriend and I paid 75$ just to use it! Ive tried telling my boyfriend and he has told me to not go back, but i find it so much easier and better to work out with machines.. please help!

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