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LYNN955 Posts: 701
10/9/12 4:46 A

Dealing with stressers are very difficult. I'm in your opposite situation, you're single and wanting to find a match. I'm married and soon to be divorced. I wallowed in my own self pity and was heavy for a long time. Then finally realized this doesn't do me any good at all, or the kids. We all need to look out for number one, ourself. My marriage of 20 years will be ending this weekend. I have two kids both in elementary school that will be deeply saddened when their dad moves out, they still don't know. I look at life this way now and I have to. The sun rises every day and you can greet it with a smile and great positive energy. You have the strength to say no to that chocolate bar and yes to the treadmill. Even if you do say yes to the chocolate bar, did it really make you feel that much better? I cut out desserts from my diet and instead found running. At over 40+ years old I never thought I would be running but I love it. I finished one 5K this year on a dare to myself and entered two more in october and November. You have the will power to say no.

JADISH SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (3,224)
Posts: 74
10/4/12 8:37 P


Ok, just let me tell you this, my buddy who never got married, who was chunky all her life, now at 45 is dating 5 cute guys and the rest of us (married ladies w/ kids) all wish we had her life! Really. Sometimes when something passes us by, or someone walks away from us, although it may hurt in the moment, it may actually be a blessing.

HALO291 Posts: 18
10/4/12 1:00 A

I can definitely relate...and no wallowing in a bag of chocolate peanuts won't do much besides make you feel even worse than you already do. My only advice is just to keep doing what makes you happy...every single day. I struggle daily with balancing my health/fitness goals and my responsibilities as a single mom/full time employee/grad student. It is lonely and I get sad/mad/scared/overwhelmed. How I wish Mr. Right would make an appearance in my life...really, anytime soon would be great lol!

But lets just be realistic here...there is no guarantee that Mr. Right will come along anytime soon but what I am slowly beginning to finally understand is that I have got to work on me and the rest will fall into place. Please remember and tell yourself often, because it is true, you do deserve the best because you are worth it, and don't settle for anything less. That being said, it all starts with you taking care of yourself first.

We all have bad days and it is perfectly normal and alright to be sad occasionally. Could you maybe turn the sadness/anger (whatever nasty emotion you are feeling) into motivation? I have found these two emotions to be the catalyst for some great workouts.

10/3/12 11:40 P

I'm in a relationship, but I've definitely felt the way you are feeling right now. I agree with the past posters, focus on yourself and Mr. Right will come along.

I couldn't find anyone until I made the decision to get healthy, lose weight, go back to school and move three states away! Then I met him within 6 months and he told me that one of the things he found so attractive about me were my goals. He says he sees that I don't take "no" for an answer and if I see an obstacle I overcome it.

I would never have described myself in that way prior to losing the first 50 lbs.

We all have bad days. You are gonna get through this one and wake up to a better day tomorrow! emoticon

Edited by: PENNYDREADFUL at: 10/3/2012 (23:43)
NOMIE322 SparkPoints: (22,354)
Fitness Minutes: (35,110)
Posts: 144
10/2/12 9:09 P


I can totally understanding (single, 30-something right here!) how you're feeling. I certainly have my days when I'm emotionally struggling (like today) and feeling like I'm the only one in my situation which stresses me out even more. I just have to remind myself that 1)that bag of Hershey's kisses will not solve my problems. If I eat the entire bag, I'll still be single once the bag is finished. SP is a great resource to remind me that food is not the answer. 2)If I don't ever meet Mr. Right/Mr. Good Enough, will my life be great? The answer is YES. Yes, I'd like to meet/find/have him fall into my lap and share my life with him. But, in the meantime, I want to live the best possible life I can for ME. Getting healthy, trying new things/doing things I enjoy, and working on my awesome-ness allows me to live the best possible life. The way I look at it, if Mr. Right comes along while I'm living my life to the fullest, then great, I have stuff to talk about! If he doesn't, I still would have done all the things I wanted to do with my life. It's a win-win.

Good luck, stay focused on your journey, and remember, we are all here for you!

SHADOWROSE45 SparkPoints: (5,015)
Fitness Minutes: (1,675)
Posts: 108
10/1/12 3:09 P


I can't say when Mr. Right will come along, but...

While you are waiting for him, are you doing things to find him?

For me, I tend to spend 95% of my time at home. Are there local groups or churches you'd like to join? Places where you may meet men that are interested in the same things you are?

But, remember, being in your thirties is far from ancient. For all you know, Mr. Right might be I. Spark People looking for his Mrs. Right.

Keep up with your goals. I feel confident the rest will work itself out. Lord knows, we all have down days. Hugs, non.

TREEBSKAAR SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (6,432)
Posts: 16
10/1/12 3:01 P


Oh my goodness, wow can I relate to this post! It IS tough when you want to share your life with someone and haven't met that someone yet. I was almost 34 when I met my husband. I can tell you that he was very much worth the wait.

Of course, there are no guarantees in life but I am a firm believer in doing what YOU can do today to take steps towards your goals. It sounds like one of your goals is to have a healthy and fit lifestyle - this is reasonable and obtainable!! Those 'old habits' of yours are familiar, even if they are unhealthy. It is so completely understandable that you would want to wrap yourself up in that false sense comfort when you are feeling down. Posting here and reaching out is a great step to changing your habits. You are reaching out to a community and not reaching into a cookie jar. THAT IS FABULOUS!!

As for meeting Mr. Right - I used to write and rewrite my 'wish list' of all the qualities I wanted it a mate. If you haven't done this you might have fun creating your own list!


ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (198,565)
Fitness Minutes: (296,673)
Posts: 27,197
10/1/12 1:22 P


We all have days that we just don't feel the "love". You're a normal human being. There are going to be days you feel sad, angry, miserable, unhappy, lonely, upset, etc... It happens to us all. I'm not having a particularly upbeat day myself.

However, tomorrow is another day. Things will get better even if it doesn't seem like it today. You really are making good progress. Will every day be perfect ? Nope. You're going to have to learn to take the good with the no so good. As long as your good days outnumber your bad days, that's what matters.


INSANITY77 SparkPoints: (7,964)
Fitness Minutes: (3,610)
Posts: 131
10/1/12 1:16 P

Hi SP community,

So my question/venting relates to coping with emotional stressors in a healthy way - and not wallowing my sorrows in a bagful of milk-chocolate peanuts.

Here's the deal... I've struggled with my weight for a long time, though in the past few mos with the help of SP, I've been making progress with nutrition choices and exercise.

The thing is - then I will have moments of feeling emotionally vulnerable (e.g. when I think I'll be single all my life, when it seems that everyone else around me seems to be getting what they want except me, etc.....), and I feel discouraged and just want to retreat back into old bad habits. I try to tell myself "I'm worth it and I deserve better" - but sometimes that's hard for me to believe when I still have personal goals that I have not attained outside of my health/weight (i.e. still a single 30-something year old woman with no kids - doesn't seem I'll ever meet Mr. Right and have a family at the rate I am going) - and that stresses me out.....

I generally have a really positive outlook on things and can logically talk myself out of feeling bad, but today is a bad today... just feeling sad.... I feel like I am doing better with nutrition/exercise, but the rest of my life seems so unsettled / outside my control.... Not sure what I expect people to say, but I just need to release....

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