Aww sweetie, I just want to run over there and help give you a break! It sounds like you are running on your last bit of energy!
I'm a mommy to three little ones also, work full time, and feel your pain!! (My husband and I actually work for the same company, so at least our hours are the same - I imagine it's hard to have any real time with your husband when you both are operating at such a fast pace all week.)
I think it's wonderful that you are even asking how to work in exercise (it means you are thinking about it!) and it sounds like you also want to get a handle on everything else.
We've learned in our house to let some of those obligations go. My 8 year old was doing cub scouts every Wednesday (and loved it), he and his 10 year old sister both doing karate, and the 3 year old wanted to do it all. We were working 12+ hour days, commuting 2 hrs, and then doing all of that. We were WORN OUT!
We ended up eliminating the karate and cub scouts (and you know what? None of the kids really seemed to mind that much). We joined a gym and have been going before work (which is hard sometimes because we're getting up at 3:30 to get our workout in before we have to be at work at 6:30. We are only going 4 days a week, which still gives us days to sleep in. We moved bed time up and my kids know they have to be in bed by 7:30pm.
I do not do laundry (unless the world is coming to an end - ex: my 3 year old spills juice on her favorite sleep pants and HAS to have them RIGHT NOW) during the week. If I do, it's only one load. I save it for the weekend and just run it over the 2 weekend days as I have time.
I'm not a rock star meal planner, but I try to make a grocery list based on the meals I will cook each week. Sometimes my kids have frozen pizza or ramen noodles for dinner. Sometimes they have it two nights in a row. I won't win Healthy Mommy of the Year, but that's ok. They get fed and I get to keep my sanity.
I'm not going to pretend that we have it all together (in fact, last night I thought I was going to pass out, I was so tired), but I can say that more often than not, we find the time to cook dinner together, I sneak in a work out video at night while my husband hangs out with the kids, and we make playing in the yard together something we aim for a few times a week.
Trying to find the time to make it ALL happen is so hard! Sometimes, I guess we just need to realize that taking the time to take care of ourselves is really important.
Picture this: How would Kendal, Kara and Jake like a mommy with a lot more energy? How about a mommy that wasn't tired a lot? Or a mommy that could just have fun with them?
A mommy that allows herself the time to exercise (steal 20-30 minutes a few days a week...seriously, do it) is a mommy that will find herself more relaxed, stronger, healthier, and more equip to deal with all that comes with being mommy.
We have to make time for ourselves! At this point, just try to steal a few minutes for yourself without feeling guilty about it. The laundry can wait. All of your "chores" can too. The most important chore you have is taking care of you so that you can take care of all of them.
Good luck and don't give up!!