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LADYCJM SparkPoints: (57,456)
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Posts: 2,545
9/7/13 5:11 P

Amen Lady Bird! I finally reached my goal of 145#s. Now I'm happy...I know that last pound was a mental victory. Now I fluctuate about 3 pounds and that's fine. But I reached my goal.

GOALWTIN7 SparkPoints: (2,121)
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Posts: 306
9/7/13 4:50 P

OP, I totally get you. Women tell me I don't need to lose more weight. What I did was stop telling people I am trying to lose 10 pounds. It's really no one's business. Don't concern yourself with what other people think. You will find everyone has a opinion on everything. You are young and I'm old which is an advantage in the "letting other people bother me category." BTW, I think there is nothing wrong with vanity weight. I like looking good and always will till the day I die. Nothing wrong with that.

LADYBIRD82 Posts: 1,700
9/7/13 3:27 P

My goal weight is the one I have in my head that I want to achieve. Vanity weight, it might be. People are telling me all the time you look great you don't need to lose anymore. But I feel its my decision. Yes, I have 2 pounds to my goal weight, will two pounds make a difference, probably not on the outside, but to me I have achieved what I set out to accomplish. So I will continue to work hard to lose those last two.

TACDGB Posts: 6,136
9/7/13 3:06 P

Here is my personal truth. It's my body so I get to decide what it looks like not YOU...........! Me and God are designing it so please leave me alone about it. So get some tissues and deal with your own issues about my weight...............Enough said........ That is what I would tell people............!!!!!! You hit a nerve...........I am so tired of people telling me I am too skinny..........I got it again today..........

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (57,456)
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9/7/13 1:51 P

I agree that calling anyone's goal "vanity weight loss" is not a fair or nice thing to do. It is as judgmental as calling someone who is obese lazy.

Our goal weight has to be what works best for us as individuals. I have a 5'10' friend who weights 110#s and looks great. She is very small framed, narrow hipped, etc. She would look pudgy at 140#s.

I weigh 145#s and am very happy at this weight. If I weighed 130 I would be too thin. It's as individual as we are.

As long as your goal is a health goal, it's good. Hopefully, none of us are setting anorexic type goals and are able to work past our sometimes distorted body images.

I have found it easier to not discuss weight numbers with people in general. I am happy to talk goal setting in general, recipes, exercise routines etc. but I try to keep the specifics to myself. If some one needs to lose a lot they can feel I'm being vain and calling them fat. If they are close to my weight and maybe could stand to lose a few then I'm calling them fat.

It's a very touchy subject!

FIRYMIST35 Posts: 1,154
9/7/13 1:48 P

Essentially if you're trying to get to the weight and more realistically size which you feel healthiest at then that is a good thing and I would hope we could all be supportive. In many ways it is harder to lose those last few pounds, but that doesn't mean it's not worth it.

JENNILACEY SparkPoints: (81,972)
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9/7/13 1:36 P

Yeah, you're right. I've always felt it was a bit demeaning referring to my last pounds of fat as "vanity pounds". It gets said often enough around here that I guess you grow used to it and accept it. They are by far, the hardest to take off and usually require a heck of a lot more dedication, attention to detail and hard work to chisel away than the initial weight loss. Being lean is not an unhealthy goal, it's a very healthy one. It's taking it to the next level.

Just barely scraping into my healthy BMI would never be something I'd be satisfied with when I know I'm capable of reaching a higher fitness/physical standard for myself. I even have comments on my Spark page pictures where I was still in the overweight BMI and people telling me I "look best" at that weight as opposed to pictures of myself in my healthy BMI. So I look better when I was overweight?

In the back of my head, I always thought it had more to do with their own insecurities than how I actually looked.

ATHENA-NADINE SparkPoints: (20,812)
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9/7/13 1:28 P

I hear a lot of people say that women who are fit and ave little body fat are too skinny. Too often, the whole, "Real women have curves," statement is used to put smaller women down now. I see it less here, on SP, but it does happen.

Amaranth and onlineasllou are both right. It should also be noted that we, as a society, have become so used to what people look like overweight that many of us are no longer able to properly identify the difference between healthy thin and underweight. Over the last few years, they have increasingly become lumped together as one and the same.

There is a reason there is such a large range of healthy weights per heights. Not everyone had the same bone structure. For example, I am 5' 4" tall and am built to be very petite. My wrists are 5.34" and my ring size is only 4 1/4. Even at a BMI of 30.9 (obese). At 115 pounds I was constantly picked on for being "underweight" when I was perfectly healthy and had good muscle tone. Even now, I am told constantly that I cannot be obese, and if I dare to tell most people I want to be back down to 115 pounds, 120 at the most, I am treated like I said I eat puppies for breakfast.

The fact is, none of that is about you. It is in large part a reactionary backlash against thin privilege (which absolutely exists). An unfortunate part of human nature is a tendency to swing the other way and lash out against those who represent/remind us of why we have been unaccepted or discriminated against in the past. It isn't fair, it isn't just, and it shouldn't happen, but those in any privileged group are usually expected to shut up and take it even if it's hurtful.

VETERINARIANESS SparkPoints: (2,526)
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9/7/13 1:03 P

I agree. What gives anyone the right to define my weight loss goals as just losing "vanity pounds"? Why can't everyone just be accepting and help in each others' weight loss journeys, regardless of their final goals? Isn't that the whole point of SP?

EMPRESSAMQ Posts: 5,077
9/7/13 12:40 P

A main thing that bothers me is the concept that it is okay to define someone's goals as "vanity" because it is not in a goal shared by someone else or someone's healthy weight chart.

If I said to someone who had lost a good deal of weight but was still at the top of the allegedly "healthy" range, that their goal weight was way too high and that they should lose a lot more weight, wouldn't that be considered rude and insulting by many people?

Why is this different?

Spark should be a place, IMO, where everyone's healthy weight management journey should be respected and supported, other than obvious eating disorders and unhealthy practices, which is not the case as being discussed in this thread.

ONLINEASLLOU SparkPoints: (73,365)
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9/7/13 12:14 P

It's a complicated issue. On the one hand, those people who point out that you will have trouble losing the weight are simply right -- and you should cut them some slack for trying to help you be realistic about your goals. Your body WILL resist losing weight if you are already at a healthy weight. They body is genetically program to put on a few extra pounds as a reserve in case of famine.

However ... not everyone is at the "ideal weight" when they are at the top of the "healthy" range. Some people (like you, apparently) feel better in the lower half of that healthy range. There is nothing wrong with that. Perhaps the best thing you can is say something like, "I know my weight is acceptable at this level, but I would feel better and more physically fit if I lost a few pounds." and let it go at that. Don't make a big deal about it.

And then there are those people who WANT you to be happy with being actually overweight because you are already thinner than they are. Their unconscious logic is that you are considered overweight, then they must be really fat. They want to be happy with their own (high) weight, and you higher standards make them feel inferior. They try to avoid confronting their own weight/health problems by keeping everyone around them at least as fat as they are. That helps them feel "normal and acceptable."

I'm having that issue now that I have lost 50 pounds. I regularly get told that I look great, don't need to lose any more weight, etc. But I am still 15 pounds above the healthy range for my height and I would like to lose that 15 pounds -- or even a little more.

JENNILACEY SparkPoints: (81,972)
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9/7/13 12:03 P

Everyone has their own personal standards and I think Miami_Lily hit the nail on the head. To someone who has 100 lbs or more to lose, just reaching the overweight and especially the healthy BMI range is the ultimate goal. So if you're already there, maybe they don't understand why you'd be wanting to beat a dead horse or you should be grateful you are a healthy weight. Many members have health issues caused by being overweight/obese and don't care about vanity, they just want to be healthy so it's difficult to relate to a person who is here for vanity.

Even though I was beginning to border on the obese BMI when I first joined Spark, a good part of my reason for wanting to lose was vanity. I wasn't experiencing any health issues due to my weight (yet). I don't feel any shame and admitting the my driving force is vanity. I want to look good for my husband. I want to put on clothes and feel good about the way I look in them. As someone who has been thin the majority of my life, it's hard for me to accept a heavier weight than what I'm used to. However, I have discovered on my weight loss journey bigger benefits to losing weight, getting fit and eating healthy even though it began as a feeling of being ugly.

It is a slippery slope. Often times these feelings and desires to look good can cause us to do unhealthy things to achieve those goals. It can very easily become an obsession and no matter what the scale says we can still nit pick and feel just as bad about our body as we did at a heavier weight and here's where it is important to learn to love yourself at any weight. It is something *I am* working on.

Edited by: JENNILACEY at: 9/7/2013 (14:58)
SHERYLDS Posts: 17,484
9/7/13 11:23 A

“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” ~World Health Organization

“After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.” ~Nelson Mandela

FAITHP44 Posts: 8,745
9/7/13 11:18 A

I've had people telling me not to lose any more weight - and I'm still clinically obese. I don't feel obese any more, having lost about 45lb over 3 years. My goal is to become 'overweight' before autumn really sets in! (I think my BMI is about 30.4) But it's amazing to be able to buy clothes in sizes I haven't worn for 18 years. Now my ultimate goal is to reach a healthy weight. A BMI of about 23 would be wonderful for me.

9/7/13 10:59 A

This is a very good point. I have over 200 pounds to lose, but I'm not even thinking about the numbers on the scale. I just want to be healthy. When I was a healthy 150-160 (depending on the time of year, i.e. Christmas haha) I thought I was fat despite my doctor saying otherwise. At some point I just gave up, started to eat whatever I wanted and here I am. I don't weigh myself every week because I get too discouraged by the numbers on the scale. That's for my doctor to do at my three month follow-up. SparkPeople is teaching me how to be healthy. At my thinnest I still had curves, and there's nothing wrong with that.

MIAMI_LILLY SparkPoints: (200,283)
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9/7/13 10:51 A

When I was morbidly obese, I had the same mentality. I couldn't understand why someone with 10 pounds to lose would even join SP...I mean, it's for people with serious issues..LOL. When you have an enormous amount of weight to lose you feel very little sympathy for the person that already weighs what your goal is.

VETERINARIANESS SparkPoints: (2,526)
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9/7/13 10:46 A

Thanks Miami_Lilly, I know what you mean about it being more difficult since I don't have as much to lose. Even so, sometimes I think people are really just saying, "Why are you trying to lose weight when you are already within the healthy range?"

VETERINARIANESS SparkPoints: (2,526)
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9/7/13 10:44 A

I felt better mentally AND physically when I was twenty pounds lighter.

The twenty pound goal comes from what I weighed a few years ago, it is not an arbitrary number. I have been gaining weight over the last few years and I HATE IT. I hate the way I look and feel. That's why I get SO frustrated when people are like "oh but you look fine, blah blah blah". Running is so much harder at this weight than it was twenty pounds ago. I don't want to have to keep buying larger and larger pants. How is it possible that people don't understand this???

MIAMI_LILLY SparkPoints: (200,283)
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9/7/13 10:44 A

I understand your frustration. It's all about the weight you feel the best in, regardless of where you fit in on the BMI chart. On a BMI chart, 125 pounds is considered healthy for me, which is ridiculous. I haven't weighed 125 pounds since I was 11 years old. The high range is 163 pounds...what a difference! I am now at 173 pounds and feel great physically. I think people don't take the fact that you are 20 pounds over the weight that feels right for you. But what I think they mean, is that the less weight you have to lose, the harder it is to lose it. I have lost 100 pounds, but can't seem to lose that last 20, because I am closer to that "healthy weight".

9/7/13 10:38 A

Do I get frustrated about people saying "but you're at a healthy weight?"

Nope. But I also lived with eating disorders for years. My ideal weight was about 40 pounds less than I weigh right now. So, I've thought that other people don't know what's best for me for a LONG time.

Those extra pounds you're talking about are generally called "vanity pounds." They're called that for a reason. What you have to ask yourself is, exactly when did you get the idea that being 20 pounds lighter is right for you. You say you felt better. Was that mentally? Physically? Is this a matter of health or a matter of pride?

I know for me, weighing 133 pounds is humbling. I am at a healthy weight, but the old eating disorder part of myself says that I'm fat cow...and if only I could lose 20 or 30 more pounds, then I would REALLY be healthy.

EMPRESSAMQ Posts: 5,077
9/7/13 10:24 A

Yes, I concur completely with the Original Post!

VETERINARIANESS SparkPoints: (2,526)
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Posts: 42
9/7/13 10:05 A

I get so frustrated seeing people comment things like "but you're at a healthy weight" and "it's going to be hard for you to lose anything seeing as you're at a healthy weight".

I understand that there are people on SP who are trying desperately to get down to what is considered a "healthy weight", but there are also people who are above a comfortable weight for themselves, but still fall into the "healthy weight" category. I may, for all intents and purposes, be within some arbitrary healthy weight range (whether you're basing it on the BMI scale or just by your own standards), but at the moment I weigh 20lbs more than I used to. Both weights are within the BMI healthy weight range, which is huge by the way. A healthy weight for my height can be anywhere within the span of almost 40lbs, and I can tell you I look way different and FEEL way different between the two extremes.

Does anyone else see or receive these comments and get frustrated by them?

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