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RCMAPLES SparkPoints: (177,501)
Fitness Minutes: (139,273)
Posts: 4,405
6/22/10 9:55 P

I have absolutely nothing constructive to add to this 'concern' of yours except to say. . .

When a man falls in love he wants to shout it from the roof tops so that the world knows, he's happier than he's ever been, the woman he loves is taken & that he never has to look elsewhere to have all of his needs taken care of.

Other than that. . .I got nothing, sorry.

Ralph the happy draftsman

MANDMDAD Posts: 550
6/19/10 9:18 A

This is one of those areas where men and women truly are different.

Men are by nature "fixers". We love to fix things that are broken, to fix problems in our relationships.

Have you sat down and talked to him about it? He may have no idea it is bothering you as much as it is. If you tell him it is an issue one of three things will happen. He will (1) understand your point of view, apologize for causing you pain, and tell you in his own way that he loves you, (2) explain why it is so hard/painful for him to say those words, but will reassure you that he feels that way even if he cannot bring himself to say the actual words, or (3) lock up, get mad, or otherwise react in a way that allows him to avoid the discussion.

Obviously you are hoping for 1 or 2 to happen, but have to be prepared for #3 just in case. Either way, your relationship should be strong enough to have such a simple and important conversation.

RGRJOE175 Posts: 469
6/18/10 7:06 P

I am a simple guy.

Would you rather hear it or would you rather experience it based on his actions?

All else fails, ask him.

RNORMAN75 Posts: 283
6/18/10 8:56 A

He does show it in many ways and that is enough for now. I just hope to someday hear the words. I'll try to stop thinking about it so much. Thank you.

ARMSPORTS Posts: 1,310
6/17/10 8:54 P

"I love you"...sometimes it's the hardest three words for a guy to say. Rather than focusing on him saying it at this point ask yourself this question: Does he show it? By being totally honest with you, putting your needs before his, making "you" a priority, sharing his thoughts and feelings, and all the other intimate things that couples share besides sex, he is saying "I love you" without uttering the words. Is that enough?

DAVIDMAC1 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (9,605)
Posts: 2,115
6/17/10 6:46 P

Because you sometimes cry yourself to sleep over him not saying-"I love you" this is obviously very important to you. I don't know how to read him- he may not say it because he wants to avoid the level of commitment that marriage involves due to his previous experience. You ought to approach him and ask him directly- do you love me- Yes or No! Tell him you concerns- if you cant then perhaps you should back out of this relationship. Honesty is essential IMHO.

RNORMAN75 Posts: 283
6/17/10 5:05 P

Ok, a little background. I had a primarily sexually based relationship with my current boyfriend for 3 years. We only saw each other when one of us "called" but we did text/email almost every day. I dated other guys during that 3 years, he only did one(girl), and I would not see him, ever, or talk to him much when I was seeing someone else. After about 2 years, I feel in love. Not a crush/chase type of thing-this is it, he's the love of my life.

He FINALLY came to his senses on Dec. 4, 2009! We have been exclusive since then and he is WONDERFUL! We've been on a couple mini-vacations, he's great with my kids, gives me all the attention I need, he's a million times better than I ever thought he would be especially given how we got together.

Here's my only issue. Like I said before, I love him with every ounce of my being and I tell him I love him but he responds by telling me I'm pretty or something like that. I have yet to hear those words back. He was married many many years ago and I would bet he hasn't told anyone, besides his mom, that he loves them since. I have never told him I love him for the purpose of just hearing it back but it is starting to hurt my feelings that he doesn't say it. Having said that, I would MUCH rather a guy not say it unless he means it then throw it out there not even knowing what real love is. The thing is, I think he does love me and is just scared to say it. Should I try to stop saying it or at least not so much? It took him 3 years to decide we should date exclusively so I shouldn't really be surprised at this but I cry myself to sleep over it sometimes. Thoughts? Thanks so much!

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