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4MEKELL Posts: 284
9/5/13 2:58 P

Mine is not a sister but a brother who has recently pushed me out of his life. At first, I blamed for myself for several months but then I had an "ah-ha" moment. I have been helping him, supporting him, his entire life and I cannot think of one time where I felt that he wholeheartedly supported me. My husband has been telling me this for years and our other brother has known it too. I don't know why it took me so long but the wake up call was rough. It's funny how I have now put that energy into something positive for myself. Once I realized that I do not have to put up with this, my outlook has changed. My husband asked me, "If he weren't your brother, would you be friends with him in your normal world?" My answer was, " I would not." My brother has now moved 2 1/2 hrs away with his wife and two children. Although I really miss the kids, I don't miss tip-toeing around my brother and his wife. And after talking with several friends and acquaintances there is one in every family. We can't make everyone happy and should stop trying. It adds more stress and it's a battle that will never be won. I've asked myself time and time again if this is someone I want to surround myself with and allow my children to be around. Not really. Toxic people slowly poison you and make you feel less. In my lifetime, I've had to get rid of several people like this. A sibling should not be any different. I wish you peace and hope that you can get past this rough patch in the road.

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9/1/13 10:47 P

Sorry about your relationship ( or lack of ) with your sister. It sounds like she is just a time bomb waiting to go off. One of my sisters pushed me out of her life, too. I asked forgiveness for any hurts I may have caused her and have kept in touch now for 4-5 months. My Mom and 3 siblings live within 100 miles of each other; however, she lives 1,200 miles away. She truly does have severe health issues. I think there's some jealousy over her feeling isolated and also fatigue from being so ill.

I also have a granddaughter who is 14 years doing the same thing to the entire family. She lives with her Mom and stepfather 100 miles away from my son and his family. We have not seen her since her February birthday. Her Mom hated her father and even changed her surname to hurt him. She's teaching my granddaughter her hatred for men. FB seems to be their avenue to vent their anger towards us and to display all their admiration for each other. I keep praying for the situation to be resolved, but it's very heart breaking. I keep reminding
myself she is only 14, but we don't want to lose her.

Tonight I called to check on my sister and she informed me she had decided to have no further contact with one of our sisters who will not cater to her little quirks. She also told me that included me, as well. I was very hurt.

Both my sister and granddaughter stay on my mind daily. They do not control me, it just
really hurts not to be able to give them a hug and to express my love to them. I hope you
find some peace with your situation and just know that you are not in this alone.

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7/23/13 4:14 P

I know that I should let her deal with her own issues.....I know that I cannot pick up the pieces for her again...

If we have a baby in the nearish future there is NO WAY I could let her live with us....I cannot expose my child to her lifestyle...(polygamy, bdsm, sadomasochism and I believe she is a meth addict).....

So this will be the first time EVER she will have to go it alone....

Maybe, when her life explodes again, this will be her wake up call.

LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,334
7/23/13 11:58 A

You care about what happens to your sister obviously. It is hard when siblings choose things that may cause them pain or unhappiness. There really isn't anything you can do about it.

I think your sister is an adult and should deal with her own life choices. You should just concentrate on your life now and let her go her own way.

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7/23/13 11:46 A


MARGOLIS Posts: 86
7/22/13 5:40 P

You seem to have a really good life, so you may be right with jealousy being the issue. You have to keep in mind its HER issue and nothing you can do can change her behavior. The only thing you can control is your behavior and your responses to her.

My sister is out there too. I used to try to bend over backwards to keep the peace. The only person content with that arrangement was her, because she likes knowing she has people over a barrel. I got married and have a baby of my own now, so I pay her little attention, and I don't see 1/10th of the drama that I used to because she knows her antics won't get the same response that they used to.

Focus on you and yours and don't go out of your way to say anything to her. She's 33 and can make her own decisions, however poor you may think they are. If she goes out of her way to say nasty things to you, then shut her down without discussing anything. Just because you came from the same parents doesn't give her license to treat you like crap.

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7/22/13 1:29 A

So there is a LOT of sister is on disability, lives with her "fiancé" (and not claiming themselves as common law so ripping off the government), is in an open relationship and seems to be sleeping with more people right now than I have my entire life (and I was no angel), etc etc etc

I work with people with disabilities to help them learn job skills, so seeing my sister (who's reasons for being on disability are constantly changing, and a lot of things are either self diagnosed or just plain not true). So I really have no idea how she has managed to stay on disability this long.

I got married recently, we had a gorgeous wedding, my sister was a bridesmaid and was actually really well behaved. (I was expecting the worse--she is a drama queen, and people can't handle her on a regular basis).

I think it all started when I commented on a picture she posted on facebook...of her in her underwear and a small small tshirt in the bathroom mirror (you should understand, we are 33--not teenagers)...when I said that she should be careful what she posts online since you can't take it back she went off about how she is doing it as "therapy" to learn to love her body (she recently has lost over 100lbs--I believe she is doing it on purpose to have another "illness")

so now, I just realized she has completely blocked me off her facebook (I can't see any posts)......but she hasn't blocked my husband, so that's how I figured it out....

She is living an alternative lifestyle, which I disagree with sicne I don't believe she is having safer sex (she had a hysterectomy a few years ago--so I am assuming no form of protection is being used).....

I have talked to her about her lifestyle choices and the fact that she needs to be safe, but she sluffed it off and told me they all have "agreements"......

I'm not sure how I feel about her pushing me out of her life....I knew it was just a matter of time, she has pushed my parents out already.....and I think the wedding was the climax of her feelings....since she was NOT the center of attention I knew something would either happen during or after....

I'm sure she has bad mouthed me to people (her "friends") which I don't really care about....but I know that her lifestyle is going to end in just a matter of time.....she is one of those people who can't keep friends or any relationship.....and apparently there is some tension happening with the other couple they live with.....

She will suddenly have a huge blow up with a friend, and it's that person's fault, and they're crazy, etc etc etc......then she becomes close to one person and they're her whole world and the cycle begins again....

Do I have the strength to watch this again and see her left with nothing? Probably not.....and with us thinking of TTC soon, I won't have the energy at all (I have endometriosis, PCOS, and osteopenia).......

I think a lot of this from her is stemming from jealousy.....I have everything she doesn't.....a husband, a career, a house, 2 cars (looking at upgrading both and possibly getting a Mercedes), looking at upgrading our house OR buying a cottage, going on a great honeymoon over Christmas (we had a small one at a cottage the week after the wedding), no debt, and the list goes on....I don't brag about these things, but I do talk about it since it is involved in my life....and you should be able to talk about these things with your sister.....I talk about this with my other family and my husband's family.....and my really close friends....I mean huge life steps (like upgrading a house, or being able to afford your dream car) are things to be celebrated!

So I don't know, I chose to switch her status on my facebook so she can't see any new posts at this point.....if she doesn't want me in her life then why would she want to see mine (I'm a habitual facebooker)......

I'm just rambling at this point.....if anyone has any thoughts on this please let me know.....

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