Sorting Last Post on Top Message:
WHOVIAN85 Posts: 861
2/16/13 12:37 P

If its your kid, then its my opinion that you should have the say in what they eat, if grandma and gradnpa, aunt, uncle, whoever is watching them cant or doesnt want to follow through with your wishes then there needs to a be serious talk, unless it doesnt bother you. I ask my mother in law not to feed my kids fast food and loads of sugar ladden, proceseed foods ALL the time, so she respects my wishes for the most part, she still treats them to McDonald's from time to time but thankfully my kids arent addicted to fast food.

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,505
2/16/13 9:17 A that's an interesting twist, because the overwhelming responses say that no one else has the right to SAY ANYTHING to a parent on how to raise their child...
but what do you do as THE PARENT with GRANDPARENTS when it's YOUR kid.

I sympathize...and I understand your position emoticon
thanks for the input

Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 2/16/2013 (09:18)
MELMOMOF4 SparkPoints: (7,311)
Fitness Minutes: (1,404)
Posts: 1,455
2/16/13 8:16 A

well im kinda in this boat. we are now a healthy household and when my kids go up to my moms house she buys junk for them. I make comments to her about it but she doesn't listen. they don't go up there very often so we allow some of it.

CMCOLE Posts: 2,667
2/16/13 7:49 A

I do not say something to others.
I've not been asked for my advice.

While I offered my children guidance (and I cannot say it was always good, because I didn't always follow a healthy lifestyle), it did not mean they followed it once they reached an age where they could pick things themselves (home or away).

All I could do was set an example, which is definitely what these people are doing. Good or bad; our choices have an impact.

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (108,021)
Fitness Minutes: (82,255)
Posts: 2,954
2/16/13 7:16 A

People including kids are a product of their environment. That being said I don't say anything to those parents yet if their children are at my house, they eat I can can do as I dont' want to pass judgement on my friends -- I don't live in their houses.

2/15/13 4:14 P


WHOVIAN85 Posts: 861
2/15/13 3:37 P

I try not to judge others by their shopping carts or what I see them feeding their children. I dont know their personal lives, what they eat daily or dont eat. I dont know if their child is on a higher calorie diet like mine is because he has trouble gaining weight. Like some others have said, the kid could have medicine that makes them gain weight or weight loss harder. It could be a treat, where for an outsider it looks the kid eats it all the time, but doesnt. Who knows, too many different scenerios to explain but bottom line we dont know because were not in their shoes and unless someone asks me for advice on weight loss, I keep my opinions to myself to avoid problems.

Edited by: WHOVIAN85 at: 2/15/2013 (15:38)
MKMMARTY Posts: 6,927
2/15/13 3:30 P

It is some times very hard to bite your tongue - but doing so is wisdom

MARITIMER3 SparkPoints: (215,749)
Fitness Minutes: (123,501)
Posts: 9,487
2/15/13 2:19 P

We've all been in the position of seeing parents (often obese themselves) give an obese or overweight child junk food, (or even gigantic portions of good food) and wanting to say something. Bite your tongue! Lead by example, not by lecturing. You could easily destroy a friendship or cause family drama which could hurt relationships for years. If the people come to your home, try to include a healthy activity in their visit. Don't preach. Serve healthy foods in normal-size portions, with vegetables taking 50% of the plate. Hopefully they will learn, but you can only push so hard.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,571
2/15/13 1:57 P

That's what I do, I try to set an example.

My friend that was confronted about her children. I didn't do it. Someone else did and I was never asked to give my opinion. I figure they already knew my opinion.

LYNNIEV Posts: 394
2/15/13 1:56 P

The recipe thing might be a good idea. Present a couple of healthy recipes and laugh and say something like, "I got my kids to eat this, can you believe it? Try it on yours and see if they'll eat it too."

Still, it's a rather slippery slope. That's about as far as I'd go.

LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,334
2/15/13 1:52 P

If you do not live with the family and are not involved in the child's care, then I don't think you should give direct commentary on the food they are eating whether the child seems obese, average or underweight.

You can share great healthy recipes or cookbooks you have found that your children enjoyed. You can make sure you provide healthy foods when you are with the family and set a positive example of a healthy lifestyle.

FITGLAMGIRL Posts: 2,045
2/15/13 1:36 P

So right Lynniev! All I can do is focus on my inner circle which is my own family. I can only hope they make good food choices as adults. Although, it's a sad situation to see obese kids it does start with the parents. That is why a health REVOLUTION must be started! Take back our lives!

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,571
2/15/13 1:29 P

Good point Riet.

RIET69 SparkPoints: (47,087)
Fitness Minutes: (11,285)
Posts: 3,116
2/15/13 1:27 P

If people judged me and my grocery cart a few years ago, I would have been the object of very unfair assumptions. I had started eating healthy foods when I moved in with my mom because she had alzheimer's. She could no longer live alone. During those seven years she kept loosing weight gradually and she became very frail. I decided that she needed more high calorie food than I did and so I started shopping and cooking for two who were eating very differently. I always was amused wondering what the check out person thought: "wow what a schizophrenic" I would buy full fat everything for her and just the opposite for me. I believe that we judge people harshly because we make assumptions that are not true.

LYNNIEV Posts: 394
2/15/13 1:15 P

We can't save 'em all emoticon

DIDS70 Posts: 5,368
2/15/13 1:13 P

it bothers me to no end. It also bothers me to see what people are buying on the link card or food stamps. i am sure some people are using them to feed their families healthfully, but when i see a cartful of crap, i am like "hey my tax dollars are going to feeding your family and you are filling up with THAT???"
i hate fast food. It is empty calories and I think parents should be wise to the fact that they are not giving their children nutrionally balanced meals. I also don't see fast food as a treat. there is nothing special about it. there is certainly nothing tasty about it. it is empty calories and full of stuff that i don't want near my body or that of any kid-- mine or not.

However that being said, i will get off my soapbox long enough to say i also know when to keep my mouth shut. my friends and family and co-workers know how I feel and I will say something to them about what I feel is good clean eating but in a more general way than fingerpointing. i also don't listen to them when they say their kids are sick or not feeling well-- feed them crap and they get sick.
I have seen kids thrive on veggies and fruit. I have seen kids fall flat on their faces eating crap.
Yes, parents have a say and a duty to feed their kids wholesome meals. I just don't see fast food or junk food falling into that category EVER.
But unfortunately I do keep it to myself.
I had a good friend of mine throw a b-day party at Mcdonalds a few years back. mind you i love this person like my own sister and I am Godmother to her daughter. I had to respectfully decline. She understood.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,571
2/15/13 1:12 P

I know someone like this, that feeds her children junk food.

Someone did bring it up with her and she got her feelings hurt. People took her side. It was not pretty.

So even if I know the parent and child I bite my lip.

GOLFLADY11 SparkPoints: (45,954)
Fitness Minutes: (44,440)
Posts: 2,719
2/15/13 1:06 P

Most of the people I know - friends and relatives - seen to be mindful of the new nutrition and limit or ban junk food in their kitchens. My grandchildren eat more fruit than I did as a kid and must choose at least 5 pieces of raw veggies from a platter at every meal.

GRIZ1GIRL SparkPoints: (201,382)
Fitness Minutes: (261,145)
Posts: 2,243
2/15/13 1:03 P

You can only change your own life, and try to influence the healthy habits in your own children. Just because I don't agree with another person's lifestyle doesn't mean I have any right to judge them, or give them unsolicited advice. I'm not God, or Dear Abby....

LYNNIEV Posts: 394
2/15/13 1:03 P

Even if I knew the person, I don't know that I'd say anything. I've been down that road as well, friends giving 'advice' when it's not asked for. If they want the advice, they'll let me know. Otherwise, no, I wouldn't say anything. That's a surefire way to kill a friendship.

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,505
2/15/13 12:58 P

the original question is
what do you do when you see your relative or friend giving their obese kid junk food.
Do you say something to the Parent?

if you know that situation....
and see that friend/relative giving their obese kid a lot of junk food..frequently...
would you say something...
(doesn't have to be right at that moment...but would you say something, at some time)

by the way...this is just an example...

Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 2/15/2013 (13:01)
MASHAMOO Posts: 1,667
2/15/13 12:29 P

Junk is more readily available than real food; I agree with those who say "it's not my call" unless I know the child or the adult in question.

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,505
2/15/13 12:03 P

I appreciate all the feedback....thank you.

just food for thought
If Jamie Oliver ...hadn't done his 'Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution '
a lot of people would have continued to be unaware of how many cafeterias work.
If nothing else it brought it to the parent's attention.

And I wonder about obese parents who teach their kids binge behavior (by example), because sometimes it feels like an unintentional emotional bond is being set up
which ends up keeping a child from leaving the nest.

All of this really isn't fair to the child.

FIRECOM SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (11,796)
Posts: 5,855
2/15/13 11:32 A

I have noticed that for the most part, I see very heavy folks loading their carts with every wrong food available and their kids are usually overweight as well.

Been there, done that.

BARBANNA SparkPoints: (108,384)
Fitness Minutes: (85,068)
Posts: 3,415
2/15/13 11:23 A

I think we need to just eat and get exercise, as parents we need to make sure we teach our children to make wise choices.

RIET69 SparkPoints: (47,087)
Fitness Minutes: (11,285)
Posts: 3,116
2/15/13 11:21 A

I would not make a judgement about the parent or the kid. I don't know their story and it is none of my business. I would say absolutely nothing.

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,505
2/15/13 11:14 A

Assuming I was friends with these people and knew the kid

I might make a comment that I can't eat that stuff because of all the calories and that I was impressed by some of the kids today who prefer fruit and the healthier options. And I would comment that I wonder if their parents were into training them that way or if they were getting that from school.

and I might not say it when I'm watching it right in front of me.... but I might try to slip it into the conversation at a better time

Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 2/15/2013 (11:19)
BRANDIW7 SparkPoints: (37,574)
Fitness Minutes: (29,527)
Posts: 43
2/15/13 10:19 A

I don't think it is appropriate to say anything. I don't know the situation with the child. It could be that the child is overweight because of medication (like asthma medication that contains prednisone). Or, it could be that the child gets crappy food. Either way, it isn't my business. All we can do is be responsible for ourselves and our own.

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
2/15/13 10:06 A

I'm sure I get looks when I give my kids McDonalds, but thing is, my babies, my daughter especially, is making other steps to get fit. She did lose some weight and is working on maintaining as she gets taller. She is anxious to use our total gym, and I did get it with her in mind as well. She isn't obese, but she's chubby, and does not want to be obese.She, in her words, wants to get buff. :)

LYNNIEV Posts: 394
2/15/13 10:02 A

Very true, Glitter. It may be that the treat you're seeing being given to the child is the ONLY treat he/she is getting for the whole week and the child could possibly already be on a diet program. Well, wishful thinking, at least, haha. But I know what Sheryl is saying, it's very disheartening to see an overweight or obese child chowing down on junk. However, I can't control what somebody else's kid is eating. I feel bad for the kid and sometimes even feel bad for the parent, it's possible they're just ignorant to healthy dietary choices. I was ignorant once too, so I've been down that road already.

Edited by: LYNNIEV at: 2/15/2013 (10:03)
GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
2/15/13 9:57 A

It's not my place to say anything. How am I to know how often this child gets treats like that? How am I to know if that child wasn't bigger before? Deprivation leads to binging in adults, and so it is for children. I agree with LINNYIEV. I can only control what my own children eat.

LYNNIEV Posts: 394
2/15/13 9:53 A

No, I don't say anything to the parent because it's not my place or my business. With my own son, however, that's a different story. I can control what my son eats but not what someone else's child eats.

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,505
2/15/13 9:46 A

A lot of us know the hardship of growing up the FAT kid and how tough it is to change that mindset. Here at Spark we learn a lot about how to live a healthy lifestyle.

People are very sensitive about how they want to raise their kids....
but what do you do when you see a relative or friend giving their obese kid junk food.
what do you do with an obese adolescent who insists on bingeing with junk food?

Do you say something to the Parent?
Do you say something to the kid?

Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 2/15/2013 (09:55)
Page: 1 of (1)  

Other SparkPeople Cafe Topics:

Last Post:
8/19/2016 12:16:45 PM
2/6/2016 4:41:02 PM
2/15/2017 9:52:31 PM