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NANCYPAT1 Posts: 59,615
3/6/13 7:02 P

I agree that fear of success and fear of failure are hard to separate. I have often wondered if there is a difference or if they are actually the same exact thing. I don't have an answer but it does wander around all that empty space inside my head wondering why I have EITHER of them but definitely suspect that I do.

SASSYBRUN Posts: 192
3/6/13 4:29 P

Is it fear of success or fear of failure? I'm not sure how to tease those two apart, all I know is that in maintaining the status quo I need to fear nothing.

There's also a fantasy associated with being thin, and sometimes I wonder if that's at the root of some of my issues with weight. The fantasy of being thin, that's when just by losing weight many issues in my life will be fixed. Like a good job, a good man, who knows what else. What I did find in the past was that being thin did not bring any of those things. And it was a struggle, where was that huge reward? The reward is the weightloss itself, nothing more. It has to be enough this time!

EBSGIRL SparkPoints: (1,509)
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3/6/13 3:53 P

I agree as well, the thought of being thin can be scary. I know I get insecure alot because as my husband says he supports me, I look at all his past girl friends and they are all on the thick side. (skinny just isnt his type) He tells me I would be perfect if my belly and arms were just a little smaller. (I carry my weight on top...I like my legs and booty emoticon ) But we all know we cant spot weight loss, and those are always the last place to go for me . So I wonder when Im done, am I going to be too skinny and he wont be attracted to me anymore? I know thats one psychological reason why I get in my own way sometimes. And also where I live, you have to be able to carry your own. I noticed when I was smaller, I got into alot more confrontations. But being a little bit bigger, I dont really get messed with as much.
But there comes a point where you just have to do whats best for you. I try not to think of the skinny vs. fat aspect, and just know that I want to be healthy. I have people to live for and that has become my main focus :)

NANCYPAT1 Posts: 59,615
3/6/13 9:58 A

So many of us face reasons that make being thin scary - especially when we have been heavy for a long time. Sometimes fat represents a "pass" on having to accomplish some of the challenges we face, for others protection against sexual advances we may not want, other time a reaction to sexual abuse (sometimes even in childhood), sometimes protection against accusations of infidelity from insecure BFs and hubbies, for some a fear that we will not GET there so we might as well stop trying, and for still others a fear that we will get there and then regain and be mocked by others. There are probably a whole slew of other reasons as well.

SIMONEKP Posts: 2,764
3/5/13 9:06 P

The unknown is always scary

D1H2D3 SparkPoints: (3,878)
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3/5/13 8:43 A

Thanks. Appreciate the direct encouragement. If nothing changes...nothing changes.

TACDGB Posts: 6,136
3/5/13 12:16 A

There has to be a reason why you are afraid to be thin. I believe therapy might uncover that. You are sabotaging your self by eating. All the hard work down the drain for nothing. I got therapy for other things and found out that I am an emotional eater. But now I found other non food ways to handle it.

D1H2D3 SparkPoints: (3,878)
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3/4/13 9:05 A

All I can figure is I am scared to death to be back at a healthy weight. Being fat has protected me from having to make behavioral and moral decisions against which I apparently, based on what I've allowed myself to do in the past, have no ability to choose the right thing. Not sure what to do with that. Maybe admitting it will do something.

REDSHOES2011 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 7,159
3/3/13 6:00 A

The problem with wanting to eat more, the more we stretch our skin the harder it is for it to return back where it came from without surgery as we get older..
Don't strive to loss weight fast- fast is the best recipe for figure distortion and our brain is the last organ to register and we need to give it time to adjust.
Go for slow, as when we got fat we ignored it- the same process works for the reverse.. It is a lifestyle change and the thin issue is the last thing in my books that is the most important..

I know many thin fat people whom struggle to keep heatlhy- go for good health internally and how much energy you achieve as the most important end result.. Also how you eat to get there is vital to keep doing this change long haul..

Edited by: REDSHOES2011 at: 3/3/2013 (06:02)
1SALMON1 SparkPoints: (20,924)
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Posts: 399
3/2/13 11:19 P

I read this forum the other day & have been thinking about it. Years ago a bunch of folks were leaving my house & we were all giving each other hugs goodbye. I hugged one person, a tall thin woman - and a thought popped into my head "How can she bear to be so small?" My feeling was that to be so slight and thin was to be vulnerable, that it was risky to be small. Like she was in danger. I've never gotten to the root of that thought. But when I lose significant amounts of weight I always de-rail myself somehow, so I must perceive being small as being somehow exposed or at risk. Thanks for your post - it reminded me of that & gave me some thinking to do...

DIDS70 Posts: 5,368
2/25/13 12:52 P

I agree with BEANBYDESIGN. It may be hard now, but it gets better. Much better. I still have a long way to go, but eating healthy and exercising are fun or at least they are now. i have fun preparing my meals and experimenting with different foods.
Though I can't say I love to exercise because that would be a bald faced lie, i do have fun. that is not to say that I don't have homicidal tendencies while i am doing the workout and don't wish death on the instructor/trainer, but I know when I finish, I will feel absolutely amazing.

and to the original poster, I definitely have been there and may still fall into that black hole of being thin and what it means. I have done personal therapy and it helped immensely. I really needed the one on one since I had some very hard issues to face. I am being taught not to look at as thin, but healthy.

BEANBYDESIGN SparkPoints: (0)
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2/25/13 11:21 A

BlueTiger, please know that eating healthfully and working out regularly doesn't stay "hard" forever - it's hard right now because it's new, and you're still finding your way. I've been on Spark for 6 or so years now, and I can tell you that the nutrition side of things, especially, has gotten much easier. The more you track, the more you'll become familiar with the calorie counts of the things you eat regularly, and the easier it will be to just set a menu for the day that's within your calorie allowance.

The same goes for exercise - it won't always be a struggle to remind yourself to do it, there will be a point where it will just become part of your routine. And sure, some setbacks will occur, but even when you're coming back from a setback (like I am right now), it will NEVER be as difficult as it was on Day One. Good luck to you, and keep at it!

BLUETIGERCLAWS1 SparkPoints: (6,604)
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2/25/13 4:01 A

I'm just afraid I will like what I look like thin and lose it because its hard work keeping up exercising and eating right. I try really hard to push through it. I started writing down my meals for the week in advance to help with my eating habits and I bought a workout bag so my workout gear is always ready for me so I dont make any excuses. My sister is also looking to lose weight and my mother could also use some weight loss.. shes extremely unhealthy. We are going to put on a healthy bet, person who loses the most weight gets a free tattoo from the person who loses the least amount of weight, extra motivation.

ILOVEMALI Posts: 1,538
2/25/13 1:49 A

Working through the same issues.

BEANBYDESIGN SparkPoints: (0)
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2/24/13 10:36 P

Don't be scared! It can feel intimidating, but it truly is a judgment-free zone.

35LBSTOLOSE2013 SparkPoints: (185)
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2/24/13 10:16 P

Thank you so much for your advice. I think therapy is the best option for me like you have suggested. I'm scared to go, but I just need to take a leap and realize there is nothing to lose by going. Thank you!!

BEANBYDESIGN SparkPoints: (0)
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2/24/13 9:16 P

I realized I had self-esteem issues getting in the way of my success when I was in college, and I went to therapy for a short period of time (about 8 months of once-weekly sessions) to work on it. It made such a huge difference in how I viewed and understood myself, and even now, five years later, I still find myself making changes based on what I learned in those sessions.

If at all possible, it's definitely something you should consider trying - you could Google to find therapists in your area who offer the option of paying on a sliding scale if your insurance doesn't cover it. Also, many workplaces have something called an Employee Assistance Program, which you could take advantage of to find some help dealing with this issue.

BOUTTIME24 SparkPoints: (14,838)
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2/24/13 7:30 P

I struggle with that but not to the extent that I let it get in the way. I think about, I've even dreamed about, what my body will look like after losing 50 lbs and sometimes I'm scared. I've carried so much weight for so long that it weirds me out to think that I can be thinner. But again, I don't let it get in the way. So I try not to think about it as being "thin." Being thinner is a Bonus to being Healthy plus having more energy and feeling better in general.

"Dieting" is too much pressure for me! I'm not "dieting." I eat what I want, maybe not WHEN I want it and definitely not near as much as I used to, but I plan my calorie intake so that if I want something bad enough I'll have it. I'm not much of a sweet person so that doesn't get in the way. I love real food so moderation is my thing.

Edited by: BOUTTIME24 at: 2/24/2013 (19:37)
STARDUST2K4 Posts: 1,376
2/24/13 6:49 P

I definitely struggle with that exact issue. Because my weight gain was tied to emotional reasons, it makes it even harder. In 2011, I was at the weight I am now. I noticed how different my body looked, and it kind of freaked me out I guess. Just looking at how my legs look, and the way my body overall feels freaked me out enough for me to abandon it and gain about 35 pounds back. I maintained it for 2012, and started actively losing again in late 2012. I've been getting counseling, and I really believe that it will help, but looking in the mirror and seeing how much my body has changed still freaks me out, but I'm trying to get used to it and let my mind catch up with my body. I think part of it too is the fact that I'm "the fat sister" next to my two sisters. I feel like I'm supposed to always be bigger than them, but I know deep down that's not true.

35LBSTOLOSE2013 SparkPoints: (185)
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Posts: 4
2/24/13 5:33 P

Is there anyone else who has a fear of being thin? Every time I think about diets or being thin I want to eat more... fear of success I guess. I want to be happy and healthy, but there is a block in my head saying I'm not good enough or I don't deserve it. Fear of succeeding and being a healthy thin person for my family. If anyone else has gone through the same thing, can you please tell me how to get through it and fight through the emotional part of dieting and having a healthy lifestyle? Thank you

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