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DGIRL785 SparkPoints: (4,682)
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3/27/13 12:43 P

Im sorry to hear about your husband. I was over ruled by my sister, she told my dad that her and her b/f will move in w him and take care of him. she is younger than me and is being very naieve. she doesnt realize how hard its going to be. she told me she was going to get him a cell phone for when shes not around, i told her he needs someone there 24hours a day. he needs full assistance going to the bathroom and getting in and out of bed. then she says that she wishes he would stay in the home, im like the problem is we are giving him a choice. then she tells my dad everything i have been saying about how hard its going to be and he gets mad at me. so im basically throwing in the towel. i have done so much work, so many phone calls. its been an emotional rollercoaster.

CARTOON3 SparkPoints: (36,232)
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3/21/13 4:40 P

My husband was diagnosed 25years ago with MS and I dread the day i won't be able to take care of him.His health has gotten worse over the past year and he hasn't been able to work for the past 5 years. I feel for you it is so hard to make that type of a decision. But Your dad can't take care of himself anymore.

SWEDIEPIE Posts: 338
3/11/13 8:00 A

You are right- do NOT have him sign the condo over to you- that will cause you a bigger legal mess!

DGIRL785 SparkPoints: (4,682)
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3/8/13 2:32 P

I dont know that I can just have him sign it over, from all the research I have done medicaid goes back 5 yrs and looks at any transfers. I did tell him that I thought it wasnt safe that he goes home, he said right now hes not signing up to stay there for life. He said he would try it out. I talked to my sister and told her she needs to be on the same page as me and let him know how she feels. He does have a few younger guys he has been talking to. Also either my sister or I visit him daily. when he was at home he sat in his room all day by himself so I hoped he wouldnt want to go home bc he is around ppl all day now. I think home had the comforts of my moms belongings but i think that also made him depressed.

2UNHEALTHY Posts: 2,231
3/8/13 12:49 P

Have him sign the condo over to you and your sister then they can't take it and then when the market is better sell it and put the money in a bank account for him to use but not in his name so they can't take that either. Then at least he'll have money for comfort items. As a long term care provider I can assure you that most everyone with lucid thoughts wants to go home. It is completely normal to want the comfort and security of 'home'...most adjust after a while when they get used to the new routine and find some people they get along with and figure out which staff are better than others...also when he gets a permanent placement bring in some of his favorite items to make it feel more homey and some places allow dorm fridges in rooms to stock with personal snacks and such...also visit often during recreation events to help get him interested in activities being offered and if he's able take him out for visits once he is settled in. Also let him know that while he is capable of doing all his own stuff (and most nursing homes will let him do his own care if he is able) you and your sister feel it is better that he have 24 hour care in case of emergencies so as to ease the stress in your lives of constantly worrying about his safety...perhaps if he sees it is better for you guys in the long run he'll be better able to handle the changes.

Good luck!

DGIRL785 SparkPoints: (4,682)
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3/7/13 1:42 P

Im sorry to hear that. My sister does help and also visit my dad daily but she is not in the same mind set as me where I know he cant go back home its just too dangerous. He keeps saying he has lived alone all this time and that he can do all this stuff on his own, but I know its not true. Also Im not sure why he really wants to go back home so bad because when he was home he just sat in his room in bed all day and had no one to talk to unless we were there. If he stays then starting April they will take his disability check which I use to pay his mortgage so I need to figure out what we are going to do with his condo. Its just so hard. Especially because I also have a 1yr and 5yr old and work full time.

DELAMB SparkPoints: (0)
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3/7/13 12:19 P

I know how you feel. I had to put my Father in the nursing home in Nov 2012 & it was one of the hardest things ever!!! My Dad went for Rehab but now is a long term resident. At first he kept saying that he wanted to go home and we just kept telling him work really hard & you can come home (because that was our plan) but then he fell (again, 6 times in 4 months) at the nursing home that was when it was decided that he needed 24 hour care. I am the baby of 6 kids & they do not help at all. I have to buy everything he needs plus pay his bills. My Dad is only 72 & is the youngest male resident there. It will get easier. He doesn't talk about coming home anymore.

DGIRL785 SparkPoints: (4,682)
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Posts: 8
3/6/13 2:56 P

Hello everyone. I am only 27 and I am in the position that I have to put my dad in a nursing home. My dad has had MS for 30yrs. For the past few years his condition has gotten worse and he is living in his condo alone. My sister and I have been able to take care of him up until December when he took a fall and landed in the hospital and from there he went to a nursing home for rehab. They recommended I started looking at a nursing home for him long term that had a medicaid bed. So now he is at the new place but keeps telling us he wants to go home. He needs 24hr care and I dont think its realistic that he goes home. I have thought about moving my family in w him but I work full time. My mom also passed from cancer 4 years ago. I dont know what to do. Theres also alot of legal mess w/medicaid and they will put a lien on his condo. emoticon

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