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AURORA629 Posts: 2,393
2/6/09 10:09 A

I agree with the idea of focusing on how his issues effect you (and not what he is doing wrong).

Maybe something like this "Every time you stop breathing, I am so afraid you won't start again. I love you and I don't want to lose you. I don't want to be a widow."

If you want to get him more open to a healthy life style, try making healthy not a synonym for boring. Give healthy make overs to all the old favorites. Have burgers and meat balls with extra lean meat. Have pizza with white whole wheat crust, light cheese and lean meat toppings. Try making fabulous oven "fried" chicken. Make low fat brownies and cookies and other fantastic desserts. You can't go wrong with baked french fries.

Forget boring exercise. He won't want to do it. Instead try fun active things the two of you can do together like dancing, a sport, swimming, a nice walk on the beach. If you really desperate perhaps more "alone time." I doubt he would ever say no to that one ;)

PUNKYB830 Posts: 5,295
2/6/09 2:15 A

He has to want to change for himself. All you do by hounding him ( and I know you mean it out of love) Is make him feel like you do not love and accept him and that will make him want to eat more. He knows he is overweight at this point and let me tell you needing to lose over 300 lbs is a hell of a lot more scary than 30. He is probably overwhelmed and thinks he will never be able to get there.

My advice is try to get him to join you in an activity, don't tell him it is for weight loss. Maybe he will like it and you can start going on a regular basis. Bowling was something I found that I loved and could still do at my large size and it burns more calories than you think. IF he ends up not liking it, try something else.

When you go shopping unless he has asked you to pick up something spacific, don't buy any junk food. BUy good but heathier snacks and mostly if he wants the bad stuff let him go get it for himself. BUt don't say anything about his weight that is negitive at all. Just try to cook heathier meals and when he ask for junk only make enough portions for you each to have a small amount. Start saying positive things only to him, but don't sound fake or cheezy. In a month or so ask him if he has lost some weight. Tell him he looks good and looks like he might have dropped a few pounds. It may just spark a desire in him.

Anyway be positive and do the best you can. In the end he has to have enough and work it out for himself. Trust me I know I am on the journey myself.

Love and Smiles :o) JJ

SEXYSIZE_12 Posts: 2,390
2/6/09 1:38 A

I would try an intervention with him and his doctor, because at this point he needs more help than you can give him.

I wish you the best of luck, but ultimately remember you can't force him and you can't save him if he doesn't want to save himself.

Keep taking care of yourself and doing your very best to stay on track. emoticon emoticon emoticon

2/6/09 12:32 A

I'm not sure how I would deal with an individual, let alone a spouse, that was in denial about his or her weight and health condition. Its a shame that he is so selfish that he cant see how much its hurting you and his family members. He needs a rude awakening, and for everyone to quit being so nice. You cant babysit him, but you can be defiant and refuse to bring things in the house that will hurt his health condition. At this point, he needs to be moving around, eating less, and practically inhaling fruits and vegetables.

Dont whine to him. Dont be nice. DEMAND that he get his health in order.

2/5/09 9:46 P

I would just try to be as loving and supportive as possible. There are several levels of addiction and addictive behavior (stages of change model)

1) precontemplation- in denial of the problem
2)contemplation- considering pros and cons of giving up addictive behavior, but still not interested in actively changing behaviors, "yeah I know I have a weight problem, but I'm not interested in change"
3)preparation- begin making small changes, such as finding an OA or weight watchers meeting in the area, finding a date to attend
4)action- making healthy choices- working out, eating a reasonable amount of calories
5)maintenance- successfully avoiding temptation to return to former behaviors

it sounds like he is in contemplation stage as he realizes he has a problem but wants to actively continue to self medicate with food. If he's not willing to change his habits see if he would be willing to try an OA meeting or a therapy session. He doesn't have to commit to anything, but it may help plant a seed for him.

The bottom line though is he has to get sick and tired or being sick and tired, you cant want it for him.

Good luck!!!

LOSINGITIN2009 Posts: 173
2/5/09 9:32 P

Just a suggestion. Could you all sit down as a family and write down your fears of his health? I watched this on the show Intervention. If everyone who cares for him sits downs and tells them their fears maybe he will listen to a group. Of course there has to be a plan if he says yes to changing, such as him going to see the doctor and telling the doctor his fears and your fears together. Then the doctor can make a plan for him or suggest a treatment center. Just an idea. I wish you the best of luck.

LISEBEAR753 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (1,030)
Posts: 647
2/5/09 9:17 P

You should probably tell him that you don't want to be a widow. Do what you can to fix healthy meals for him, but beyond that, you can't force him to get healthy. My fiance is also obese and he half heartedly tries to eat healthy, but he is a truck driver so he can't get many decent meals out on the road. But when he is home, I fix healthy meals, and don't buy the junk food. Take care of yourself.

2/5/09 9:13 P

Unfortunately, his doctor choses to turn a blind eye. From what I understand his doctor isn't a small man himself (I've never met him).

As far as ignoring me, let's just say he's mastered the smile and nod...

JP2001 Posts: 210
2/5/09 9:12 P

I feel your pain but, unfortunately, you cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

Make sure that you take care of YOU in the process. Leading by example is the best you can do, hoping one day he'll want your help.

WOLFIE1991 Posts: 464
2/5/09 9:10 P

I have no real idea what to do. Did his doctor say anything to him? Does he just ignore you when you say something?

I hope someone wiser that I has words for you!

I hope he comes around.

2/5/09 9:01 P

Hi all. My husband is 6'3" and around 500lbs. I say "around" because he is in complete denial and conveniently forgot to have the doctor weigh him last week. I have reached desperation. He has SEVERE sleep apnea (stops breathing every 30 seconds) which a direct result of his weight. I've tried everything: asking him how I can help, making sure he has healthy meals, leading by example (I've lost 30 and kept it off for a year with 30 more to go and I work out almost everyday). His family is with me in fear and desperation and have gone so far as to suggest that an intervention be staged (he uses food as a drug). Unfortunately, he's made it quite clear that any action of the type would not only infuriate him, it would be counterproductive in that it would force him to eat more. One thing I'm clear on is that I've been enabling him since I met him: I've tried to take as much responsibility as I could for his health/weight. I need help saving my husband...

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