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MISSRUTH Posts: 4,319
10/3/13 7:38 A

I'd have to agree that at this point... if it was me... I'd be straight forward and perhaps a bit blunt. You could say, I don't want to be rude. And it's not that I don't appreciate you thinking of me or going to the effort of baking me something/ buying me something/ bringing me something. BUT. For health reasons, I cannot have anything with caffeine it in. I cannot have any chocolate. And if you try to "sneak" caffeine or chocolate into whatever you make, it means I can't ever eat ANYthing you make because I can't trust you not to include what I can't have. You wouldn't sneak peanuts into something for a child with severe peanut allergies.... would you? You wouldn't sneak sugar into something for a person with diabetes.... would you?

It might be helpful if you could then toss out a few ideas of food and beverage type gifts that would be acceptable. So you could say, Look, if you want to bring me/ bake me/ buy me something, I'd LOVE to have..... (fill in the blank with 4 or 5 ideas).

10/2/13 2:49 P

Have you tried being very straight forward with them? By that I mean if they ask what you want them to bring over mention that you can't eat chocolate? If they bring over a surprise gift, say thank you but ask then to take it back or encourage them to share it with others since you can't eat chocolate. You aren't being rude, but not being blunt with them is not going to solve the problem.

and chocolate "wine" is gross.

BITSNPIECES38 Posts: 981
10/2/13 12:27 P

Hello fellow Sparkers. I am looking for some suggestions on how to politely put an issue completely to rest with friends and extended family.

Here's the deal - I have a sleep disorder, so I have eliminated caffeine from my life, for about 5 years now. Friends and family members know this, but, they just cannot seem to understand this includes chocolate. I don't crave it, I'm not deprived and don't feel deprived, and special occasion or not, I simply do not want it. I never had a love affair with chocolate in the first place, I don't miss it.

Every holiday and almost all special occasions this comes up with them and they make a big deal out of it. I guess they think I'd "break the rule for special occasions." I have been given Easter baskets loaded with chocolate, truffles for Christmas, had a special dessert made just for me of a 5-layer chocolate cake, chocolate chip cookies, hot chocolate, brownies, a bottle of caffeine-infused vodka, a bottle of chocolate wine, etc.

Frankly, I'm getting a little peeved at what I am seeing more and more as a lack of respect for boundaries issue as opposed to "befuddlement" on their part. They don't get that my body is now hyper-sensitve to caffeine, and when it is unexpectedly in something I ingest, it is not pleasant for me. But they have added coffee to breads, rubs and marinades, seemingly on purpose to see if I can tell. (I can. But a lot of the unpleasantness I experience is of a private nature and I don't share that out. Especially not during meal-time.)

I need suggestions on how to get through to them once and for all. They do not push meat unto those who choose a vegetarian lifestyle. I don't want to be rude to them, but I'm getting very tired of the charade. Help!

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