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BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (108,021)
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Posts: 2,954
11/24/12 11:27 A

No you aren't pathetic at all! You are human and I dare say depressed. If there is a community healthy professional you can talk to about depression, I would advise you to soonest. It will give you tremendous relief from the negative thoughts.

2BDYNAMIC SparkPoints: (329,541)
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Posts: 38,127
11/24/12 10:44 A

I have to 'chime in' and say Please do not compare yourself to another ........... That can 'bring you down in a hurry' .............. We all have ... an ideal weight which differs from someone else ............ But with consistency, we can change ........ and improve ............ Eat healthy and exercise in a positive frame .......... because you love yourself, not cos someone else looks so great ................ And what A PRETTY face you have!! ......... emoticon
Try looking in the mirror and saying GOOD things about yourself, not anything negative .................. Plus, rejoice in all the many changes you have already made and don't focus on "tummy" ............ It will happen ............... You are not alone in that one ............ It will come ..................

Edited by: 2BDYNAMIC at: 11/24/2012 (10:45)
CMCOLE Posts: 2,667
11/24/12 9:39 A

Like another poster said - please don't look at yourself as pathetic.
Many others have health issues.
While I realize this does not help yours, or your current situation, please don't give up on your healthy goals or yourself.

It's not God who is punishing you, anyway, but that's another subject altogether.

Take care, and try and find someone who will listen, and provide helpful advice.

CORTNEY-LEE SparkPoints: (67,852)
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Posts: 3,526
11/24/12 3:58 A

I do not find you pathetic at all!!

You have a health issue. That is nothing to be ashamed of!

TCANNO SparkPoints: (351,367)
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Posts: 69,337
11/24/12 3:54 A

so far loosing belly fat is the hardest thing to do, so good luck

AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 3,293
11/24/12 2:53 A

I'm very sorry that you are hurting Eowin. I think that maybe I have been in a similar position in my life, though in my case the diseases that I have are somewhat treatable and things have very slowly gotten better for me over several years, with medication and a LOT of fighting for survival on my part. I also have a mother who is waiting for a kidney transplant, so I know a little about this too.

I guess what I have learned from these experiences is that life is sometimes unimaginably hard but that it isn't worthless. I also know that things like this are absolutely not fair and that the situation you are in is not your fault and is not a punishment for anything--it's just the random way that things happen in life sometimes.

You can't control your kidney issues or your other health limitations, and you can't control the amount of time that you lose to dialysis every week--about half a day, three days a week, right? However, you can control your attitude and what you choose to do with the rest of your time. Could you work part time or online? Can you do an art or a craft or make something to sell from home? Could you volunteer a few hours a week with children, the elderly, for an environmental cause or something else you care about? I am assuming that Bahasa Melayu is your native language...if so, your written English is extraordinarily good. Could you work as an on-call interpreter or do translation from home?

Your brain works, your heart works, your feet work...put them into action and do some small thing to make yourself feel useful. Then add to that, a little more all the time.

Worrying about the kind of car you have or whether or not you look like a Burberry model...these things are just distractions from bigger, harder problems. Stop distracting yourself and do something about whatever it is in your life that you CAN control right now.

I think that you are in a rare situation and I know that there not many people on SparkPeople who are likely to understand much about your culture or way of life because most of us are on the other side of the world. For these reasons, I still think that you should find someone local to talk to who might be able to give you more specific ideas and support.

EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
11/24/12 1:45 A

I'm on welfare because I'm on dialysis. I'm on dialysis because my SLE has cause both my kidneys to fail. I've been on dialysis since my early 30s. That's why I feel my life is a joke! I should be in the prime of life now with my own home and a nice car but I have nothing! What I get from welfare is only enough to prevent me from starving. I shudder to think what will happen to me when my parents are no longer around.

I'm still trying to find work but potential employers often lose interest when they find out I'm on dialysis. I'm still trying but there are not many takers. Sometimes, I feel my life is pointless and I might as well end it but I don't have to courage to actually commit suicide. I'm afraid I won't get to Heaven if I commit suicide.

Why must God be so cruel to me? I'm not a bad person!

AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 3,293
11/23/12 3:06 P

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but seeing comments that you have made here over several months, I think you need more help with body image issues than you are going to find on a message board.

Your self-image seems to be very out of line with your actual looks, weight and intelligence. Are you fishing for compliments or do you really see yourself this way?

You seem very bright, but maybe you are feeling like you are not terribly useful in the world. I don't know why you are on welfare, but I know that when I was very ill and not able to work, it really did bad things for my self esteem. I felt as though I wasn't making any kind of meaningful contribution to the world. No matter what your challenges are (health? disability?) can you do something small to help other people or feel like you are of use? Can you volunteer or help a friend or do something more in your life to remind yourself that you are more than a number on a scale?

Have you ever thought about talking to a counselor or joining a support group?

Edited by: AZULVIOLETA6 at: 11/23/2012 (15:07)
MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,527
11/23/12 1:22 P

The Dove Evolution Commercial

And I found something that you might find interesting

See they look like the rest of us. And if we had thousands of dollars to pay people to make us look fabulous. Along with Photo Shop and Paint. Then we could look like them.


Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 11/23/2012 (15:26)
DWROBERGE Posts: 361,389
11/22/12 10:00 P


MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,527
11/22/12 9:57 P

You are not pathetic. You have maintained your weight for three years. And you have a healthy appetite.

As for the models in those perfume ads. Do you know how much they photo shop and air brush those ads? The models don't even look like that, in real life. We have a gossip magazine that publishes pictures of these women without make up. And photo shop. They look like the rest of us.

Go to You Tube and look up Dove Evolution Video. The video sped up, but it took hours to do her hair and make up. And then hours to photo shop.

Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 11/22/2012 (22:00)
CAMEOSUN SparkPoints: (86,617)
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Posts: 10,426
11/22/12 6:31 P

You are not pathetic. You have a "healthy" appetite - that is positive. Another least your parents are still around to "live with."


MOM2ACAT SparkPoints: (190,535)
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Posts: 30,457
11/22/12 3:30 P

emoticon You are not a pig, and you are not pathetic!
I live with chronic health problems too, it's hard, and I know it's hard not to beat ourselves up at times. It helps at those times for me to think of all the people that love me for ME, for who I am on the inside.

I am at a healthy weight also, but I also battle a belly bulge from my gastroparesis. I know I will never have "6 pack abs", but as long as I can hide it with flattering clothes I try not to let it get me down.

You are one of the most kindest people I know here on Spark!

FIRECOM SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (11,796)
Posts: 5,855
11/22/12 10:51 A

You have received a lot of very good advice and I hope that it helps you evaluate where you -- and I emphasize YOU -- are where you are going.

Please remember, you are a complete individual. There is no one else on this planet like you and you deserve all you can achieve. And you can achieve anything if you want it enough.

Please stay in touch. There are a lot of folks out there than care for you.

CMCOLE Posts: 2,667
11/22/12 9:22 A

from reading your posts through the months, I do notice that you're quite "down" on yourself, and continually wishing you looked like someone else.

You are YOU.
Not someone else.
You have the frame and the metabolism you've been given.

You've been able to maintain the weight for a long time - which is awesome.
Many people struggle with maintaining.

I realize that from your perspective, you wish things were different, but only you can change that.

You've started well in identifying which areas you're spending money on - make better selections, or try and put away a little each cheque, so you are saving for something that is bigger, and something that you couldn't afford all in one shot.

Best wishes on your journey

SARAHF1988 Posts: 603
11/22/12 7:44 A

Elaine, no you are not pathetic and you are not a pig or overweight. You're a normal person who has needs! I know that money is short for most people at the moment and living with your parents is nothing to be ashamed of. I'm lucky that both myself and my partner have part time jobs while we study at university so we can just about afford a place of our own. Sometimes our parents help out a little and I feel terrible about that, my car needed an MOT which ended up costing 2-3 times more than I had put aside for and so I couldn't afford the insurance or tax on it which my Mum has helped me with. Although it makes me feel terrible I know that one day I'll be the one helping her, so just accept their help for now and think to the future.

As for your weight and wanting to be like your friend - I'm afraid sometimes that's just not possible. I have a friend who has a great figure and literally finds it almost impossible to gain weight. I'd love to have a figure like hers but it's just never going to happen. I gain weight easily and have a very curvy frame, so I'm always going to be a little heavier than her. We need to embrace that, stop thinking about what everyone else is doing and focus on ourselves. Because I know I'll never look like her I've decided to think about how to make the best of ME rather than trying to be the same as HER, and since I accepted this I am an awful lot happier in my own skin. If you are really unhappy with your tummy I think you need to work on toning up and strength exercises rather than trying to lose weight. It sounds as if you're at a comfortable weight for yourself seeing as you've maintained it for years.

Feel free to add me as a friend


EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
11/22/12 6:38 A

Thank you for your encouraging reply, Archi, but I don't have a model figure and I often wish I had a smaller frame, I'm a medium, btw, and I have a belly roll! I would love to have a figure like my friends, her figure is like that Pleasures perfume model or that Burberry body model (the actress in Transformers 3)......

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (198,476)
Fitness Minutes: (296,538)
Posts: 27,192
11/22/12 6:28 A


You are not a pig ! You are not overweight. You are not a bad person or an unhealthy one because you spend that money on food. You're a perfectly normal person with normal needs. We do have to eat to be healthy.

It's Thanksgiving in the United States. It's a day (I hope) people are grateful for the food that is on their plates. Finances are tight for many people across the globe. That's why it's important to be grateful for the things we do have. Even though life has thrown adversities at you, think of the things that are right in your life.

As the old song goes,"accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". Give yourself credit for the POSITIVE things you do in your life and don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect. No one is perfect.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
11/22/12 4:57 A

I'm living on welfare and I still live with my parents. I get a small amount of money per week to spend on myself but you know what? I did a self-analysis and found that I spent it all on food and drinks (non-alcoholic mostly); but mostly food!

I feel like a pig. The 2nd item I spend on most is toiletries; but I guess that is unavoidable. But I guess I still have to look for cheaper brands!

I have a healthy appetite and I love to eat. I'm always happy to eat all kinds of food, within control though, I've been maintaining at 57kgs for 3 years, so I daresay that I'm still in control. I would like to lose my belly fat though......

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