I think in certain circumstances not sending a thank-you can be excused even if the person should have sent one. It really depends on the circumstance.
I know of a girl who had a horrible life-changing event occur 4 weeks after the wedding and she never sent out the cards ever. I was in her wedding and I understand why they were forgotten. I love to get the cards that include the little pics of the bride and groom but I completely understand her situation.
IF it is someone that has no sort of excuse as to why they weren't sent and others received one I would be hurt too. If no one has received one I would consider that maybe she had gotten too busy or forgot or left it so late that she felt stupid sending them out.
I really appreciate thank you cards but to me a warm heartfelt in-person thanks means a lot more than a written note. That's just me though. I will be sending out notes to anyone who attends my wedding to thank them for sharing my day.
1/15/11 8:59 P
I definitely think it's rude to not send a thank you card; although it's my understanding that a person has a year (even if that totally seems too long). Depending on how many people were at the wedding she could be behind, a person has to change their name and write 200 thank yous. I'd maybe give the benefit of the doubt for one more month. You can't really say anything though if you don't. If you want to maintain the friendship, you may just have to let it go.
I would say that a thank you note is of course called for in this situation. However, were I in this situation I would typically not sweat the card if the bride had shown her appreciation in person during the wedding itself. I know this may raise some eyebrows, but I've always been taught that an in-person thank you means as much (and sometimes more) than a written one. Perhaps this comes from the fact that society is more casual and less protocol-based, and perhaps many might consider this a bad sign of where manners are headed, but if a friend showed her appreciation to me in person then I would not sweat a missing card in the mail.
I totally realize I'm in the minority here, though.
Now, if you felt like she was taking advantage of you during the process and never gave any sort of real "thank you", neither in person nor in writing, then I would likely feel quite miffed as well.
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1/2/11 10:32 P
As her maid of honor, you can call her and ask if she needs help getting them sent out.
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1/2/11 3:23 P
That is not acceptable. However...I have also heard that you have six months or a year to send the thank yous. It seems like it would be a busy time.
I am one of the few people I know that still sends out thank yous for birthdays, Christmas gifts, etc., and I often send them much later than I'd like, but I hope that they are still appreciated.
For the person who didn't send them 20 years ago, I'll bet it's never too late. I bet if you sent them now to the most important people (along with a big apology) they would appreciate it.
Just my opinion.
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29 12/31/10 1:35 A
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29 12/31/10 12:36 A
Great post!It's very useful.
12/30/10 1:42 P
The rule that allowed a year for a thank you note, was to accommodate those Brides and Grooms that went on a Honeymoon tour that lasted several months.
Since no one does that anymore. That rule of etiquette no longer applies.
Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 12/30/2010 (13:47)
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29 12/29/10 2:02 A
Thanks for your share.It's very useful.
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29 12/28/10 11:17 P
I always try to get out thank you cards whether it's after receiving a gift or even a picture in the mail. If I don't have time to send out thank you's I at least make a call to let the person know how appreciative i am. With the amount of people I've invited to my wedding there is absolutely no reason I can't get the thank you's out.
In my family, if you don't send a thank you, you don't receive any more gifts from family...ever. My great-grandmother started this and it continues on through my entire extended family. Her philosophy was that if you couldn't appreciate it, then you didn't need it and certainly don't need more.
As soon as my sis and I could write somewhat legibly we were instilled with the virtue of "expressed gratitude"
MrsDoll - Your friend is being rude. If it were me, I'd keep the friendship but never go out of my way to do anything more for her. I am sorry and hope the thank you is in the mail today.
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367 12/8/10 9:34 A
We didn't send ours for months. Maybe we're too "behind" in our etiquette, but that's the way it is. The challenge for you seems to be when you finally get it if you'll appreciate it or be mad that it's "late" according to whatever standard three months is supposed to be.
Just keep in mind that different people have different ideas of what proper etiquette calls for. I had a friend hand deliver a thank you note about a week shy of her 1 year anniversary, very impressed with herself for meeting the "1 year deadline". I've heard 3 and 6 months thrown around also, so who knows what your friend is thinking.
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978 11/18/10 4:43 P
SOOOOO...have you gotten a thank you yet? Typically the bride should sent thank yous out within 2 months of returning from the honeymoon(she gets a little while because it is a busy time). But no matter how long it takes, you SHOULD get one! You should get more than a card for being the MOH, making the cake AND giving them a wedding gift.
I think that no matter what size your wedding is, you should send out thank you notes. My wedding was 400 people and I sent out all the thank yous in the first week after the wedding. I asked a relative why I did not get a thank you and her response was that it was too much work. I gave a very nice gift and traveled in the middle of winter 4 hours just to get to the wedding, and this is the kind of thank you I got. I wish I would have known this before I gave the gift for the wedding, I would have reconsidered how much I gave in the card.
there is never a time that a thank-you card shouldn't be given if you are involved in the process of someones wedding - whether your role was small or large (which seems the case here). Yes, brides do get overwhelmed with tasks after the wedding, but first things first! its only right to thank those that help you! unfortunately, it sounds like your bride either got sidetracked or feeling differently about this etiquette rule. as sad as it sounds, its probably best you just forget about it and move on
my little sister got married yesterday & famous for bad 'thank you's - i helped solve it by hand making her custom thank you's that match her wedding colors so now there's no excuse! plus, being the older sister helps :)
NO NO NO it's NOT OK. I plan on giving my Bridesmaids gift thanks your cards and whatever. Hello...they are my saviors bridesmaids are there for you SO much how can you NOT want to thank them?
7/9/10 3:12 P
I read your OP again and you said the friend didn't even give you a bridesmaids gift. I find that quiet distressing. If you had given so much to make my wedding beautiful. I would have given you a thank you note, the day of the wedding. And a very nice, heartfelt gift.
I can understand how you feel used, and simply put, your friend is "wrong." I am from a traditional Southern family, so my parents (despite my being almost 36) have made it clear their expectations regarding etiquette matters and the wedding. In fact, according to Emily Post, there is never an instance, especially with a wedding, where it is okay not to send a thank you.
Like you, I was in my friends wedding, gave a gift, and went above and beyond to help her. The gift I gave her was her entire barware set from her registry, which she returned and laughed when she told me that. I got no attendant gift and no thank you note. She is in my wedding now and has done nothing but complain about it to the point that we had a huge conversation about it. I have accepted this will likely affect our friendship, but it has shown me a lot about who my best friend is.
even late, i do think 'thanks you's are very important.
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431 6/28/10 10:01 P
I guess I don't understand your message. Are you indicating that I didn't get a thank you because I didn't deserve one? I think anyone who has a wedding and invites people is obligated to give a thank you and should not use excuses. To not send one is rude.
Edited by: MRSDOLL1 at: 6/28/2010 (22:02)
6/28/10 9:33 A
When I got married, I had a few hundred thank-you cards that I tried very hard to send. I wrote until my hands gave out. The hardest part was that I didn't know any of the people that had given us gifts, they were all friends and relatives of my MIL.
Eventually I felt that it had taken too long, and I didn't send the cards. I heard one old lady tell someone that it offended her that I didn't send them, and it made me feel bad. But I've just had to move on with my life.
When we have kids, I play on doing thank-you's for all baby shower gifts and everything. I do wish that I had done them for my wedding after all, but it overwhelmed me so much that I just couldn't finish.
Answering , replying and sending thank you are things which needs time and enthusiasm,These trends are very nice and gives the impression that whom we are dealing with has manners, and our effort no matter what it was is appreciated. I think a good way to do it is to send or to say thank you is a good thing but it has to be done in times when the effort or the thing done really deserves the thank you not just like that.
The original post is waiting for a thank you note, the sendee hasnt sent out it out the the original post yet.
6/24/10 9:32 P
no....never.......why would you not want to thank people? RUDE not to!!!!!!!!!
6/21/10 6:06 P
I hope your friend just is very very slow! You did so much for her, a simple thank you note is definitely in order, if not more!
My oldest sister took almost 6 months to get her thank you notes out, so my next sister took the hint and as soon as gifts started coming in she started writing and addressing (and even sending) thank you notes. Her wedding was four months ago and I think she just sent the last batch out this month so she's slow too, but not as slow.. So next is my turn so I'm going to try to do even better than both. (:
I really think your friend must have your name on her list... If not, that's terribly rude and inconsiderate of her!
6/21/10 4:02 P
"Is it acceptable to not send a thank you card?"
No! It is just plain rude!
6/21/10 3:37 P
OP, that's a terrible situation.
A late thank-you card is better than no thank-you card, IMHO!
A thank-you card with a personalized message is important (i.e., acknowledging the giver's gift). I received a thank-you card that was pre-printed and the bride and groom merely signed their names. I wasn't impressed!
i'm old fashioned but i think a thank you is necessary in almost every situation. if they coach you to send one after every interview, ANYTHING wedding related is a must! i was the personal attendant in a dear friend's wedding - and as much as i adore her, there were silly details that i had to scramble to get taken care of - like hiding from her mom & fiancé' that she didn't try on her wedding dress until 5 days before the ceremony & digging up alterations at the short notice was NOT easy!! Anyway - i didn't get a thank you from her until 9 months later - it almost cost us the friendship. you did a lot of very sweet things so make her day special. i hope there's something in your mailbox right away!!
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431 6/18/10 9:59 P
It would have been acceptable if it would have been a large wedding with many attendants, but the wedding party was a total of 4 people and I hand made the cake, it took me longer to make their cake than they spent on their honeymoon. I am bent, I'll get over it, but the point is, I feel used.
I confess, I am an offender of thank you cards. I was a young bride and I tried my darndest to get it all done. Unfortunately, I didn't succeed in finishing them all. It is now almost 20 years and it's way too late to make it up. I agree with the ones who are upset and still waiting for their thank you cards. I feel awful not sending it to the ones who cared enough to come to our wedding. I know how daunting it is to send more than 50, I had almost 300 guests. Try to do as much as you can per day. You will feel so good and the recipient will feel appreciated.
I went to a bridal shower and a wedding in 2008, I am still waiting for one (though I gave up after 6 months). I think that's rude for not sending one out, it made me feel like they didnt appreciate the gifts.
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431 6/17/10 9:09 P
I shouldn't feel offended, but I do. I was the maid of honor at my friends wedding, I also made her wedding cake as well as gave a gift. It has been almost 3 months and she hasn't sent out thank you cards. I didn't expect a bride maids gift, but feel offended that I didn't get a thank you. Typically, I save all thank you cards and would have loved one from her.