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GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
2/21/13 11:05 A

I feel you on that. No way to fix the problem if we don't acknowledge it's there.

2/21/13 10:58 A

Yeah Abi, unfortunately we all can't admit we're enablers, it's a tough pill to swallow. Knowing that I am has helped me a lot in getting a better hold on it.

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
2/21/13 8:46 A

Oh, I know I've been an enabler, but not in this. In the past, my kids' father had a psychological addiction to m.j. He was a real butt sometimes if he couldn't get it. Rather than deal with him being a butt, I gave him money so he wouldn't be so much of a butt.
When it comes to nutrition, though, Wait. I guess I am. Like I mentioned, I will make something seperate for him. Like...the day I was making a super vegetarian meal, which the kids were all for, I made him some curried pig tails with butter beans-because that's what he wanted. I should have the same attitude with him that I do with the kids-but...he's a grown man...and I'm a way better cook than he is.
See. There I go making excuses.
My name is Abi, and I'm an enabler.

WHOVIAN85 Posts: 861
2/21/13 7:53 A

Id say im not an excuse maker, I am a mother to 3 children aged 3, 5, 6, my oldest is autistic. I have a husband who has a on going illness, I goto school Monday through Thursday to become a dental assistant and on top of getting A's in my classes and on exams, I also take time each day to cook them home cooked healthy meals, exercise 4 to 5 times a week and spend time together as a family. I used to make excuses for myself, but now I know I deserve time to exercise each day, and make healthy meal choices.

2/21/13 6:34 A

too funny.

However, this is a very hard subject to to discuss because NO ONE, I would think, likes to admit they may be an enabler, the price to pay is just too high.

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
2/20/13 7:31 P

HAhahaha! I make my kids go up and down the stairs to get stuff for me several times a day. It makes them exercise, and I get stuff. That is minimalist activity. During nicer weather (even in the winter if it is 25 degrees-30 degrees and not mucky/slushy), they play out in the back yard, or occasionally, we'll walk to one of the two parks within 1/2 a mile from the house.
I have a total gym now, which I allow my daughter to get on. My son WANTS to, but he's 7 and he has difficulty following directions.
Annnyway, there is always activity. It is GREAT to get one's kids involved in competitive sports. I'm all for that. However-we can't be all that good to our kids if we don't take care of our own selves.

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,433
2/20/13 7:21 P

lol I am perhaps the most reluctant "hockey mom" in the history of the sport... i never dreamed i would be one, but, it was the only sport he has ever been inclined to participate in, so in the name of minimal fitness, here go i. :)

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
2/20/13 7:11 P

After school programs? I don't usually like other people's kids. Well, that's bad. I mean, I don't like when parents let their kids be unruly, or kids that act like they have no home training. My daughter used to go to "rec"-but she kept having issues with the kids that were there. The adults weren't attentive enough, and she'd often have to re-do her homework, because while there, she was too distracted to get it done. That ended that.
In high school, if the kids want to get involved in sports, fantastic. I'll support that decision, but in the meantime, I like them where I can keep an eye on them after school hours.

I think you're doing pretty darn good with "only hockey."

Edited by: GLITTERFAIRY77 at: 2/20/2013 (19:11)
BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,433
2/20/13 6:48 P

"because you have to drive the kids to dance lessons, band practice, soccor games, girl scouts"

People seem to view an "overcommitted schedule revolving around taxi-ing their little darlings to 150 different activities" as some sort of Badge of Honour and/or Proof They Are Good Parents That Will Do What It Takes To Provide The Best Opportunities To Their Kids.

It's a very insidious attitude in our culture, seems. I hear tales of martyrdom from Taxi Moms all the time, but I do believe they overestimate the Advantages they are bestowing on their offspring from behaving this way. It gets annoying when I get the "tsk tsk" eyes cast at me because I put my son "only" in hockey, not also in power-skating, dryland gym training, lacrosse in the off season, soccer, tae kwon do, and piano lessons all simultaneously.

And then these very same tsking-at-me Moms admit they're hitting the KFC drive-thru for the 3rd time this week due to having "no time" to shop or cook.


Edit to add: OMG i just now read Glitterfairy's response, and I cannot stop laughing - emoticon

Edited by: BUNNYKICKS at: 2/20/2013 (18:51)
GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
2/20/13 6:13 P

I think that maybe you and your babies can take turns making dinner? Like, switch nights, perhaps? Whoever cooks does not have to do dishes or help clear the table. Whatever gets cooked has to be eaten, and they can ONLY use sparkrecipes! HA! There are some really amazing recipes that even my formerly picky kids (I do not cater to pickiness, yet they still want to try to be picky. Either you eat what I cook or you'll be hungry. If it is something that they have tried and tried and they still don't like it, I'll make something else.)
As far as laundry goes, I have my kids bring the laundry up from the basement and put their own clothes away. Occasionally, I have them help me-but they're 10.5 and 7. Still, I am all for teaching them home management.

As far as the question of "no time"-it is bullspit. If one can choose to find time to watch programs or d*ck around on the computer, they can work out for just 30 minutes a day. JUST thirty minutes! 45 if they want to do strengthening exercises.
Or the one about family needs. I am at the point where, I will cook what I cook-MOSTLY vegetarian now. My kids will eat that, like I said. I'll make other stuff for their father, but he's starting to be on board with the changes that Mom and the kids and I are making-because he sees the difference in us. I am the one that grocery shops. I am the one that cooks. Sometimes, moms have to woman up and tell them, "LOOK, you don't buy the freaking groceries. You don't pay your own medical insurance or hospital bills. You eat what we have, or you just don't freaking eat."
My kids AND THEIR DADDY are finally getting used to the fact that "snack" means apples, bananas, oranges, raw vegetables, yogurt, or hummus with wheat crackers. Deal with it, or don't. I really dgaf.
*brushes shoulder off*

2/20/13 5:03 P

***note: I had to use "ur" instead of "your" because I ran out of space in the headline.

Time & again I have seen folks talk about not being able to lose weight because of (insert reason that has to do with having to do something for someone else or they'll cease to be happy).

I am an enabler. I didn't know what it was until I was told what an enabler is (enabler: one that enables another to achieve an end by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior).

This is a hot button topic because we all have responsibilities to our families, now that I'm a single parent I provide dinner for my two daughters and though their mother has THEM make their own dinner, I feel better if I do it for them even though they are 14 & 17 and COULD make their own dinner but I like doing it (enabler or being a good parent?). I also do their laundry and in the past I use to have them help me do their own laundry but now that I feel guilty I do it for them in hopes that they'll still love me even though I am divorcing their mom.

Can ya see where I'm going with this? Is it enabling or spoiling or doing my job as a parent?


I still workout and I make my dinner seperate from theirs (sometimes they gotta eat my baked chicken breast, greens and saltless, butterless, mashed potatoes, LOL!) and am still a good parent and good to myself.

But I have seen folks write on these very boards that they have absolutely NO TIME to workout and/or to eat healthy and put the blame on their family's needs. In others words, ENABLING at the risk of their own health.

This, of course, is just my opinion and/or observation, perhaps NO ONE ever in the history of SparkPeople has EVER had this problem and I just like to be weird and/or yank people's chains...........or this is you. You want to eat healthy but no one else in the family likes to even hear the words healthy and not only for them but for you as well or you can't workout because you have to drive the kids to dance lessons, band practice, soccor games, girl scouts and your S.O. can't do it because ESPNs Sport Center has a special on tonight (and every night) about the latest pine tar incident at spring training for the Pirates.

What say you? Excuse maker or not?

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