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LEC358 SparkPoints: (11,135)
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Posts: 2,744
10/30/13 4:54 P

I'm pretty much a female version of my dad: same body type, similar personality, and our brains work the same way. There's a school picture of me at 8 and him at 8 and we could have passed for fraternal twins down to the eyebrow shape. It's helpful that we think in a similar way because that way we have an outside party to troubleshoot each other's problems.

As I've gotten older, people have said that I look a lot like my mom and I definitely got my eye and hair color from her (hair texture a healthy mix between her and my dad) and apparently I sound like her too. I'm also seeing things the way she sees things more as well. I guess it swings each day which one I'm more like.

MKMMARTY Posts: 6,788
10/30/13 12:14 P

The apple is very close to the tree - appearances - attitudes- moods - adventure seeking and of course the rotten apple is there too

SUZIEQUE77 SparkPoints: (9,271)
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10/30/13 12:08 P

Sherylds said:
"I am always amazed at the personality traits that people adopt.
It makes me wonder which is stronger...
the bad traits that hurt a child and make them fearful of the parent
{ they copy these traits to protect themselves...}
or the good traits that nurture a child and teach them love
{ they use these traits to connect to others...}"

My answer is that who we become is a huge combination of innumerable factors. Many people seem to "blame their childhoods" for adult issues including overeating, or general bad behavior in some cases.

There is no doubt that my own childhood factored into that combination and makes me who I am today, someone else who had a mean father and a passive mother (like I did) might very well be far different than I am. My mother was a pretty good cook and we all "ate well" and most of us were overweight.

But my father regularly called us fat, lazy, stupid slobs and told us we'd never amount to anything. When my mother had serious health issues in her later years, my father told her it was her own fault and that she was a fat pig and brought it upon herself.

I am not going to detail my life struggle with learning not to turn to food in order to cope in life, but I will say that in the past 7 years, I have gotten a much better handle on it and I finally know that no matter what ups and downs I go through, overeating is not going to ease my pain or make anything more bearable for more than the amount of time it takes to actually ingest all that extra food. For me, being at a healthy weight is a huge part of what is needed for me to have reasonably good self-esteem. While many say we should love ourselves fat or thin, and I can't disagree, I can tell you this: I just can't love myself fat. I just can't and no amount of therapy will make it happen. If I am fat, I feel there is nobody to blame but myself. I won't blame my childhood or my parents, or my ex husband, or the fast or processed food industry or anybody or anything else at all.

As for not amounting to anything, well that is subjective. I doubt my father would be impressed that I am a college professor with a Ph.D. He just didn't understand higher education or the latest technology (he died in 2008). He did understand what a public school teacher was, and I think that when I was doing that, he was sort of proud in his own way though he certainly never told me so. I don't think the words proud or love were even in his vocabulary and I'm not exaggerating.

My mother was not mean but, here is an example of something that makes me laugh today: I once asked her if I had a big nose. Her answer? She said, "Not exceptionally." If one of my kids asked me that, no matter what I really thought of their nose, I can assure you I'd tell them it was a beautiful nose and not big. Doesn't make my mother's way wrong and mine right, but I am telling you that is how I was, and am with my children.

So with my own kids, I tried to right the things that were wrong in my own childhood. I told my daughters regularly that they were beautiful and brilliant. In fact, I may have gone overboard. I used to tell them they were the prettiest and smartest in their class "but don't tell anyone." One day the older daughter heard me tell the younger one that as I was fixing her hair for school. She told me, "don't tell her that!" I was surprised and said, "Why not?" And my older daughter told me I did the same thing with her, but she didn't obey with the part of "not telling anyone." Guess it didn't go over so well with the other kids in school! LOL.

But there are questions I will never know the answer to. Did bolstering my daughter's esteems the way I did have some dramatic impact on their outcomes? They were born to working class parents who ended up divorced by the time the youngest went to school. Yet both my daughters were valedictorians of their class and were accepted to Ivy League colleges. Maybe it would have happened in spite of anything I did or said to help them develop self-confidence. I just don't know.

Edited by: SUZIEQUE77 at: 10/30/2013 (12:12)
SHERYLDS Posts: 17,458
10/30/13 10:51 A

I am always amazed at the personality traits that people adopt.
It makes me wonder which is stronger...
the bad traits that hurt a child and make them fearful of the parent
{ they copy these traits to protect themselves...}
or the good traits that nurture a child and teach them love
{ they use these traits to connect to others...}

TACDGB Posts: 6,136
10/30/13 10:41 A

I was unable to have kids. But.......when I look in the mirror I see my grandma as I look just like hair and all just a younger version of her. I can talk your leg off just like my dad.........But other than that I am just me...........a skinnier version of my family as most of them are obese.......

SUEACCT SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 1,730
10/30/13 10:32 A

My daughter has been miskaten for my sister (I love it, she hates it!) and then I adopted another. They are often told they look alike too!

RIET69 SparkPoints: (47,087)
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Posts: 3,116
10/30/13 10:30 A

Not far at all. Lucky me emoticon

CJGODESS101 SparkPoints: (30,781)
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Posts: 611
10/30/13 9:56 A

I like to think I'm a pretty good mix of my parents. I have my dads attitude and mind, as well as curiosity and love of the social sciences. My mom has a sweet tooth and always has sweets around. I used to be the same way, but I've been getting better. I have my moms hair color and eyes, but my dads family's face. And best of all I'm the perfect mix of German and Finnish stubborn attitude thanks to my mom of German heritage and Dad of Finnish heritage. I love being an American mutt.

JENNILACEY SparkPoints: (81,972)
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Posts: 2,489
10/30/13 7:25 A

My two children are a spitting image of me; both blonde, same facial-wise... they both look like *mine*. The only thing right now they share in common with my husband is his brown eyes (although my daughter's are more hazel). My poor husband has three children that look hardly anything like him. My step daughter looks exactly like her mother except she has dark hair like my husband.

I am a spitting image of my mother. We're exactly the same height, body shape and have very similar faces. It's so bad that when she first married her new husband I was over at their house... he came into the room and I had my back turned in the kitchen. He came up behind me and started "flirting"... like a "hey good lookin...." deal. I turned around and his face went red. Awkward..... I still tease him about it.

Edited by: JENNILACEY at: 10/30/2013 (07:26)
SUNSET09 SparkPoints: (543,822)
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Posts: 135,695
10/29/13 10:38 P

Spot on and I am truly blessed. I, too have become my Mother! emoticon emoticon emoticon

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (576,617)
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Posts: 16,314
10/29/13 10:37 P

God sent us an angel for a daughter. From day one, she has been no trouble. She is now 26 and married to a wonderful man.

EWL978 Posts: 2,021
10/29/13 10:14 P

I hate to admit it sometimes, but my three apples are so different,, yet they're all the same!!!!

RPS031764 SparkPoints: (176,408)
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Posts: 1,252
10/29/13 9:14 P

very far

ATHENA1966 Posts: 3,976
10/29/13 8:33 P

Our son looks so much like my great grandfather it is creepy. I have shown pictures of my great grandfather to many family and friends and they swear it is our son.

He has my husbands calm demeanor, and my curious mind. I am very OCD and I am glad he did not get that trait. I got that from my mom. As I am often told.

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (108,021)
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Posts: 2,954
10/29/13 6:58 P

Our son is a mini-me of my husband but has his mother's love of sarcastic dry humour. He is athletic like both of us and is in a junior Triathlon program. For a kid that comes from two math nerds (read: engineers) he prefers French over Math.....hmmm there is still time for him to come around. He is respectful of elders, polite and very empathetic....what more could you want?

We love our apple to death and couldn't ask for a greater gift from God.

10/29/13 6:34 P

The apple did not fall off the tree, I think it might still be hanging there. My Mother was on a constant diet and ate pretty much the way I have been eating. We were a big Irish family of 8 and we were very poor. I ate a lot of macaroni and cheese, spaghetti and potatoes - in one form or another.

We all loved sweets and could never seem to eat enough sugar. I have two grandchildren now and I am much more aware of eating healthy.

SUZIEQUE77 SparkPoints: (9,271)
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Posts: 1,068
10/29/13 6:21 P

I fell far from the tree in some ways, but in other ways there is plenty of evidence "where I came from." My father was a high school dropout who did not approve of higher education and encouraged his children to stay home from school frequently to work on our farm. My mother did graduate from high school but did not stand up to him when he asked us to stay home from school. I grew up more or less as a country-bumpkin redneck, and that has not changed all that much. My father did not attend my high school graduation or any other school related events, ever.

However, I work in academia and have earned a Ph.D. I teach both graduate and undergraduate classes. In the past I taught gifted and high school math.

My oldest daughter earned her Ph.D. a year before I earned mine. My second daughter graduated from Princeton and is working on her Ph.D.

My son is a truck driver like his father. He takes after his father in almost every way imaginable and listening to him talk on the phone when he is on his trucking travels is seriously like deja vu. His voice inflections are even the same. He did not fall far from the tree (his father). He is a wonderful kid but I do wish he had a mix of his parent's traits instead of being a replica of his father.

10/29/13 4:17 P

I have two daughters; my oldest is pretty close to my ex-wife's stature but personality is closer to my family members (but not me), my youngest is my Mom and I am pretty close to my mom, too BUT she has her mother's ill-temper and mood swings. There's never a doubt that my two girls are mine due to their Hispanic look.


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