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GENIE72 SparkPoints: (1,874)
Fitness Minutes: (255)
Posts: 64
6/25/14 8:14 P

You go Anarie!!! Best response I've heard all year - Whoo Hoo!

IMDADOGGIE SparkPoints: (42,022)
Fitness Minutes: (11,767)
Posts: 3,128
6/25/14 7:47 P

To be honest a lot of people struggle with what people think about themselves or how they are treated. In fact we all want to feel like we are liked by all or be treated great. However, in reality people are always going to be mean at some point. I was an overweight young girl and have since only gotten larger. I have lost here and there throughout my life but pretty much been overweight since I was a kid. I have had people say things to me, not gotten jobs, and yes even go places where they just stare like I have a disease and guess what I don't care. Really I don't. I used to get very hurt or angry but I finally decided I love myself for who I am and if someone loves you they love all of you good or bad. If people will like you great if not they lose the chance to get to know someone wonderful, their loss. I like myself and I have learned you are you not matter fat or thin, ugly or beautiful and some day we all get old, wrinkly and gain weight so if people you surround yourself with like you it only makes life better, you should not have to beg someone to like you, be nice to you or respect you. emoticon

FIELDWORKING SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (64,745)
Posts: 748
6/25/14 5:08 P

As a short person myself (5 ft even), I can say that we are a feisty bunch. Tell him he is a fresh turd that has been left in the sun too long. Or would that still be considered inappropriate? Sigh.

LIFENPROGRESS SparkPoints: (115,161)
Fitness Minutes: (18,343)
Posts: 4,287
6/25/14 4:32 P

I can curse in 5 languages -- and I have done when insulted. emoticon

PEAR-170 Posts: 122
6/25/14 3:47 P

Separate the Person From the Issue

Benefits: Establish yourself as a strong problem solver with excellent people skills. Win more rapport, cooperation and respect.

How: In every communication situation, there are two elements present: The relationship you have with this person, and the issue you are discussing. An effective communicator knows how to separate the person from the issue, and be soft on the person and firm on the issue. For example:

“I want to talk about what’s on your mind, but I can’t do it when you’re yelling. Let’s either sit down and talk more quietly, or take a time out and come back this afternoon.”

“I appreciate you putting a lot of time into this project. At the same time, I see that three of the ten requirements are still incomplete. Let’s talk about how to finish the job on schedule.”

“I really want you to come with us. Unfortunately, if you’re going to be late like the last few times, we’ll have to leave without you.”

When we’re soft on the person, people are more open to what we have to say. When we’re firm on the issue, we show ourselves as strong problem solvers.

KASTRA Posts: 369
6/25/14 3:02 P

Well, I'm his HR (or one of), a sense, HR did talk to him. emoticon

His manager said he'd deal with him and apologized profusely...not that he had anything to apologize about. That guy is fantastic.

The lunch bag situation was handled a bit more professionally. I took my lunch bag and called that person's manager. We discussed the consequences of theft if it was ever noted in any other form and completed a discipline report.

Our workplace is a bit more laid-back in the sense that a lot of the normal office proprieties are dismissed with the expectation that it create a friendlier atmosphere. Most of the time, it does! It just also opens the door, when those office formalities are dismissed, that someone may get a case of a broken verbal filter that results in saying something not acceptable in or out of a formal office. There's an entire category of humor reserved for fat jokes in our society; people make fun of fat people. Heck, other overweight people make fun of others that are overweight. It happens, not that it's a positive thing. It just so happens I'm quite short - which is not a selfesteem issue, I laugh and joke when people comment on my height - so my weight shows quite a bit heavier than the same pounds on someone taller. Maybe since I laugh off other appearance references, folks think it's alright to comment on any aspect of personal appearance. Somehow, I think my little outburst today might do away with that misunderstanding.

LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 4,690
6/25/14 2:50 P


That guy sounds like a complete jerk. I hope that HR talked to him?!

Someone was digging through your lunch bag and said you could afford to miss a meal when caught stealing your food? What did you say to that person? I would have been livid and reported the person for stealing.

I suppose I will never cease to be shocked by how some people will act. Never.


KASTRA Posts: 369
6/25/14 2:38 P

I like that Anarie, thanks! Now to just get that to stick in my mind in the "heat of the moment" in favor of my more colorful but less helpful comments I tilt towards. I'm not sensitive about much else - well, except my kid; my reaction to people that speak out of turn about my kid is mild in comparison - but for some reason, I see red when people step past that line in the sand and comment about my weight. Tell me I've got a weed-whacker haircut all day long and I'll laugh, but imply anything about my weight and I go She-Hulk. Go figure.

Pschiavone, I know, right? A coworker insists she's going to restock all snack spots with unflavored rice cakes but I'm of a mind to just have all snacks removed at this point. Who knew the list of hot "no touch" topics went beyond politics and religion to include snack options.

NAYPOOIE Posts: 11,928
6/25/14 2:18 P

Kastra, I think I love you. emoticon

Anarie, you did good too.

PSCHIAVONE2 SparkPoints: (20,650)
Fitness Minutes: (13,280)
Posts: 785
6/25/14 2:15 P

It is hard to believe that people would behave this way over food choices. I have heard that sugar is more addictive than cocaine. So on the other hand his behavior was quite reserved given the fact that he needed a sugar fix. (ha ha)

ANARIE Posts: 13,200
6/25/14 2:07 P

"I'm fat, but I've lost 40 pounds over the last year. You're an ass, and no diet can fix that."

Or, in more HR-appropriate terms, "I have a physical flaw that affects no one but me, and yet I'm working on it. What are you doing about the personality disorder that sows conflict wherever you go?"

KASTRA Posts: 369
6/25/14 2:02 P

It really was inappropriate and wouldn't fit within the guidelines of Spark's appropriate language policy. Needless to say, I did - in a roundabout way - point out that he was being a jerk, with a few colorful references to his own sizable backside, with a suggestion of where he store the apple he had in his possession.

Given my position, it was entirely out of line on my part, no matter what he said. So...yeah. Looking for more productive ways to deal with those people so I don't end up a job seeker, soon!

NAYPOOIE Posts: 11,928
6/25/14 2:00 P

Wow. (Wish I could hear the rest of your response to the snack jerk). I suspect I'd get snarky and insulting in response. Or possibly (if I was feeling mild-mannered that day), point out his rudeness and ask him if he had really intended to be such a jerk.

KASTRA Posts: 369
6/25/14 1:49 P

No, I'm not talking physical appearance. I'm talking the sort that feel its their place to make any sort of comment on another person's weight, or any other physical aspect. Here's what sent me off the deep end today:

Our workplace has weekly meetings for all the work groups in the conference room outside my office. Snacks are typically provided in the conference room, and they used to be a wide assortment of candy bars, snack crackers, soda, and so on. The last month or two, our Wellness initiative has finally found that stash and replaced most of it with healthier options - fruit, water, diet soda (though that's debatable on being healthier), and the crackers are still there.

Today, the first group hasn't had a meeting in there since the change and a few of them got quite vocal about the available options. On the way out, one of them was griping that none of them are on a diet so they shouldn't be forced to eat that stuff. The supervisor rightfully pointed out (for what sounded like the 30th time judging by the annoyance in his voice) that no one was forcing him to eat anything. This guy then said, "Well, someone else needs to do the buying. Let her do it!" and pointed at me. I bristled inside but have dealt with that before, so I just smiled and said "I like what's kept in there now. What makes you think I'd buy something different?"

Okay, so I shouldn't have asked the question because it opened the door, but when he answered "Look at ya. You aren't on a diet. You'd pick better stuff." I took the implication to mean the fat girl will keep our chocolate and other crap stocked up and it's what he meant judging by his additional responses. So, I responded appropriately and will spare the rest of the dialog but that employee was sent back to their workstation and a gentle suggestion was given to me about volume and appropriate workplace language. (Which is sort of funny - not really - since I'm one of the HR people. Oops.) There was some temper soothing from some nearby coworkers as well that the employee in question is just a jerk who doesn't pay attention to anyone so he has no idea I've been working as hard as I have.

Does anyone else deal with this nonsense? I take care of myself in addition to working hard at improving my weight this past year, but I do still have a ways to go. Still, some of my nearest coworkers are stick thin, so even when I'm at a healthy weight I'll probably still be the fat girl. I've also once caught someone digging through my lunch bag with a comment that I could afford to miss a meal. I'm not typically a violent or too-quick-to-temper person, but I'm going to get enrolled in Anger Management soon if I don't find a better way of managing these "people."

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