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DEANNA0725 SparkPoints: (22,611)
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1/4/14 9:38 A

I can relate to you! My husband passed away unexpectedly in May 2006. After he passed my son and I moved in with my parents because his ex wife had rights to the house (that's another story) and in January 2007 an electrical fire started in my bedroom which destroyed the whole upstairs of the house. Lucky for me I was awaken by something hot on my arms or else I would be dead. Just try to take a deep breathe and know that the Lord will not give you anything that you cannot handle. I am not a deeply religious person, but after saying that to myself during the most stressful times of my experience it made things just a tiny bit better everyday.

RIET69 SparkPoints: (47,087)
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1/4/14 9:24 A

I too am sorry for all your troubles. Things can change so drastically in a moment: both from good to bad, but also from bad to good. I pray that will happen for you soon. Look for the light in the darkness.

KKKAREN Posts: 12,754
1/4/14 8:39 A

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have had to start over twice in my lifetime. It is not easy but it is doable. Sometimes it is motivating to have all clean, new things around you. The new house will be fresh and safe for you and your parents. I also think less is more. Maybe some of what you lost was unnecessary anyway. Good luck to you in rebuilding everything.

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (599,151)
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1/3/14 10:52 P

I am so sorry about your home and I pray that the coming months are not too difficult for you. Try and stay positive and have a Happy Birthday tomorrow!!!

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,868
1/3/14 5:59 P

I'm so sorry to hear of this tragic news, I know living with chronic pain myself being home is my peaceful place in this world and losing pictures of my family and things my son made for me as a child would be heartbreaking.
I think the one thing that should get you by all of this is knowing these two strong loving people made it out alive, that trumps all the memories charred in the house and I'm sure your mom is grateful that they got out alive and that you weren't home and were safe.
You know I don't know how old your parents are but they do have in certain areas (I know where I live ) they have people who the state pays to go to people with disabilities or the elderly to cook, clean or just do grocery shopping.
I'm sure her having MS they must have something like that to help her out, you said she's a prideful woman and needs someone to do grocery shopping even if she just got a person to do that for her would be a huge strain off of you.
Maybe you should just say mom I know you don't want any help your a strong woman , but even if we just got someone to do grocery shopping it would take some of the strain off of me. I think your a very loving daughter, but you have to live not only for your parents but for yourself, even a little bit of help would be helping you and I'm sure if you explained it like that she'd say yes.
She must see the toll it's taking on you, I feel bad 40 yrs is a long time but your all safe and sound and that's what really matters the most, the insurance can help rebuild and replace the home maybe even better to suit her needs, but you can't replace a person.
I'm glad that the fire at least happened when both were home and awake so they could survive this nightmare, I'll say a prayer for you and your family! emoticon

BEULAH45 Posts: 801
1/3/14 5:02 P

So very sorry to hear of the fire and all that you and your family lost. Praying for you to have strength. Other replies have given lots of good advice and I want to second the statement that taking care of yourself is your priority, especially if you are caring for others and dealing with lots of ongoing stress (rebuilding home, replacing what was lost, etc.).
Many blessings to you and your family,

JEFFGIRL Posts: 11,272
1/3/14 4:33 P

So sorry for your loss. That is a terrible thing to happen. I hope you will be able to come back SOON!

FAITHP44 Posts: 8,846
1/3/14 4:29 P

So sorry to hear your news. Having all that to contend with over Christmas makes it even more difficult to handle. You've already made some big sacrifices moving back home to help your parents.
One thing I would add to the useful things already mentioned is make sure you continue to be your own person with your own friends and time away, including holidays. Giving up your independence to help your parents is a hard thing to do and you need your own life as well.
God bless you and keep you all through this traumatic time.

1/3/14 4:21 P

Hello Deb, thank you for the kind words. My mom is a very prideful woman, and asking for help isnt something she normally does. Last christmas she had a spontaneous breaks in her leg, breaking three leg bones, and didnt want people coming to the house to help her. She is the strongest woman I know, and even though she is in a wheel chair she always made dinner and desserts every day, and holidays every so lovely.She is able to take showers herself, and use the ladies room herself, its just the errands of going to walmart and grocery store, and getting things from the fridge or something from another room she asks of me.

For the first week after the fire i didnt sleep more then 8 hours in total and didnt eat at all, and very little the next week. I lost ten lbs in those two weeks but not the healthy way. Going the way i was going made me crash and finally slept almost two days straight after new years, also i think me being in the burnt house with insurance people, and various other people that are involved when something like this happens without a respirator for a few hours a day, few days a week irritated my lungs and throat.

My parents adopted me from poland in 85 and if they didnt adopt me i couldnt fathom my life, and ever so grateful for the blessing of being adopted. I feel almost in debt to my parents, not because of them pressuring me to do so, but my heart is filled with so much admiration, appreciation and love for the people i call my parents. Its very hard to stay strong for them, when I myself am such a sentimental person and a very emotional person. Im very fond of the memories of my childhood home, and to see it in shambles is more devasting then I imagined.

Edited by: MIMIMOHEHO at: 1/3/2014 (16:26)
FRAN0426 Posts: 21,822
1/3/14 4:15 P

So sorry to hear about your home perishing and needs to be taken done. That in itself is a stressful time for anyone. STHRNLDY1969 has given some great options to check out and follow through if you don't get immediate results form agencies. Hoping all goes well for both you and your parents.

STHRNLDY1969 Posts: 4,603
1/3/14 3:20 P

I am so sorry to hear of your family home. Thank God everyone got out safely. Although I know you're thankful for that, too, it would still be devastating because it holds so many special memories.

As far as being selfish, I know how you feel. I helped my parents care for my grandmother when she was in the final stages of Alzheimer', and I also have a 24 year old multi disabled son.. But the main thing is you have to stay healthy for you in order to help anyone else. Its all tied together....stay fit physically so you can be strong mentally and emotionally. How emotionally well do you feel if you have the flu or a stomach bug? So, my advise to you, would be to take care of you if you want to continue helping others. Its not selfish, its smart thinking.

One thing that helped me tremendously, (and my parents before my granny passed) was getting a caregiver. Through my son's insurance, I got to choose my son's caregiver as long as they met certain qualifications. Although I wasn't crazy about someone else in my house during his service hours, it allowed me to work and some free time to go to Walmart, go for a walk, or even take a nap. My mom and dad were set against getting a caregiver for my grandmother because of the same reasons, but it ended up being a blessing. Do you know if your mother's insurance may offer something similar. Maybe you could even end up getting paid for your services(even though I know that's not the issue) or someone close to you that you trusted could help out, too.

Best wishes!


Edited by: STHRNLDY1969 at: 1/3/2014 (15:26)
MONIEE2 SparkPoints: (152,211)
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Posts: 4,739
1/3/14 3:08 P

First, we thank God that noboby perished in the fire! Second, I too suffer with MS, so I have an absolute 100% idea of what you are dealing comfort from loved ones & take it one day at a time, as this is all any of us can do.

My heart goes out to you as you deal with all of this, but just remember that God gives his toughest battles to the toughest people!!



MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,581
1/3/14 3:00 P

I'm so sorry to hear that.


1/3/14 2:54 P

Dec 15th my parents home of 40 years burnt down, I moved back in with them a year ago to help out with the errands to lessen the burden on my father and help with my mother who suffers from ms and is in a wheelchair. I wasnt home at the time of the fire, and thankfully the fire started in the evening when both were home and awake, and were able to escape the fire safely.

The house is a charred mess with burnt debris and ceiling on the floors, the car was also destroyed by the fire and lit up with flames. I have been running myself down, with driving my dad around from place to place to try and pick up clothing and toiletries. I am devastated that my child hood home is gone, and even more so that my mom whos only salvation in her life with the severe disability she was horribly blessed with is, was her home and the things that surrounded her and the fond memories of a more capable life.

The house will be knocked down in the next few weeks and I am afraid I wont be able to have the strength to do what i wanna do for myself, and that my parents want for me, is to be a happy 30 something healthy woman. Tomorrow is my 30th Birthday and I hope turning a decade older will strengthen me more then I am now. Which I am amazed i have been able to handle this tradegy and have had the strength and lack selfishness to try and comfort the people who have done so for me.

Does anyone have any ideas, to try and pick up my spirits, and find the motivation to be somewhat selfish so i can be the person i wanna be, while also helping with the rebuilding of the house, cause fearfully i believe it will never be home again

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