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HEALTHYJ29 SparkPoints: (0)
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8/28/13 2:52 A

I am so sorry for your loss. Have you thought of going to a support group? How is your support with family and friends? Are you talking about how you feel to the people who can support you?
If you want to get back to being active could you join a class with others or find a buddy? It may help you feel less alone.

GEVANS7 SparkPoints: (309,941)
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8/27/13 4:58 P

I am very sorry for your loss and yes, grief must run it's course and everyone goes through different experiences. I hope you do take care of yourself the best you can during this difficult time. It is so hard, I know.

It's good to just get out and walk and get some fresh air. You might try track walking as you don't have to think much.

Peace will come in time.

STYLIANI2000 SparkPoints: (13,280)
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8/27/13 4:45 P

Thanks Everyone for your support and messages! They mean a lot - really thanks!!

8/27/13 10:38 A

I also lost my brother almost two years ago. He was 19. We were very close. It's really hard to be without him. Not sure if I have any advice- but I sympathize.

As humans, we tend to avoid bad emotions. I avoided going to his room, eating things he liked, etc, because it made me feel bad. But we need to experience those bad feelings and live in them in order to work them out. It is painful, but when we confront the emotion and process it we can manage our emotions better.

8/27/13 10:28 A

I am so sorry for your loss. You are lucky to have had a mother that you miss so much. If my mother died tomorrow, I would not care.

8/27/13 6:57 A

i was at work in june 2012 got a call from my husband my mother had passed and to me it was unexpected i was devastated and pretty sure went temporarily insane and even now 14 months later istill have days that i cry and miss my mother i am able to find peace in knowin that she is with my dad and her mom and other family members that have passed before her or maybe i have just resigned to the fact that i will not physicall see her for a long time i had to go back to work a week after she passed and it was hard but it helped to get back to a normal routine and i believe that you need to do the same thing you might try changing the place you exercise or just starting a routine ate your home switch it up some that might be the key to get you exercising again i will pray you and your familys loss and hope you that you will find peace and comfort inthe coming days emoticon

TCANNO SparkPoints: (359,596)
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Posts: 71,139
8/27/13 6:15 A

When I go the news that my mother had past away I was not on this journey but lost weight for weeks until I go over it. Grief does funny things to different people as some eat and others starve

I am sorry for you loss and hope that you can get back on track

EWL978 Posts: 2,021
8/27/13 5:59 A

Grief is a very personal and individual thing...we all react in different ways. My best place to cry was in the shower...where I could bawl and no one knew it!! I can't tell you what to do and how to "get over it" (I hate that idea). All I can tell you from experience is that with time it does get SOFTER... you'll be able to deal with it. Don't push yourself to do anything you feel is out of the question for you. The day will come when you just know what you can do and that will be it.

Take good care of yourself and keep on keeping on. Let me know how you're doing. emoticon

TENNISJIM Posts: 11,750
8/27/13 5:53 A

I am sorry for your loss. I hope you will find joy in exercising again.

ONELITTLEPILL SparkPoints: (72,242)
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Posts: 1,056
8/27/13 4:49 A

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can definitely see why you have an aversion to exercise at this point in time. Maybe it would be helpful to look at this dilemma of yours from the perspective of "Is what I'm doing something that would make my brother proud of me?" A couple suggestions to get yourself back in the game: Maybe try to look for an exercise that is completely different from what you were doing at the time, which would not be a direct reminder of this loss. And/or think about starting training for something like the American Heart Association's Heart Walk and do it in your brother's honor? You might make that an annual thing- form a team and get support from friends and family, all doing something fun and in memory of the terrific person it sounds like your brother was. Whatever you decide, don't push yourself too hard. Make sure you take the time you need to heal the body and the mind. This is not an easy thing. You can do this--best of luck!!!

FAITHP44 Posts: 8,745
8/27/13 3:52 A

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the pain you have suffered as a result. I can understand not wanting to get back into any exercise, not just for the reminder of what you were doing when the call came, but also because grief can demotivate us and make us not want to do anything at all.
But it's time to do something - even if it's not the same exercise routine. Maybe a 15 minute walk or a short swim, whatever you enjoy doing. If you start to get intentional about doing a little exercise each day (not expecting too much of yourself just yet) I'm sure you'll start to find a routine that works for you now - and you'll begin to feel a little better too.
As others have said, your brother really loved you and he won't want you to put your life on hold for ever.

LOSE4LIFE47 Posts: 69,265
8/26/13 12:07 P

I know how much pain you are in as I lost my husband July 3rd & it has been so hard.

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (108,021)
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8/26/13 11:25 A

Sorry for your loss, it must be terribly hard for you to be without your sibling. Hopefully a time will come when you won't associate exercising with his death and that you will remember him with a smile and not tears.

Take care

JBALDWIN29 Posts: 5,136
8/26/13 10:27 A

Losing a brother is one of the most devastating things, I know I lost mine, I am sorry for your loss. The only advice I can give you about exercising is instead of thinking about the loss of your brother, look at it as a tribute to him. Since he passed due to a heart attack you should fight to stay healthy and live a long healthy life in his honor, exercise can help you do this. So make each step count and each bead of sweat can be a tribute to someone who continues to influence your life for the better. I hope I helped a little.

07SOJO Posts: 1,652
8/26/13 10:05 A

Don't give up! Being scared is part of your grieving process. I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. What would he want you to do? Would he want you to keep exercising, or would he want you to quit? Whatever your answer, take your time to grieve. If you're not ready to start exercising right now, you will be at a later time.

DLBROWN93 Posts: 889
8/26/13 9:53 A

Sorry for your loss.

SUZIEQUE77 SparkPoints: (9,271)
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8/26/13 9:44 A

I completely understand how this happens. I went to a Brooks & Dunn concert in 2006. A few days later, I went to a store and bought their latest CD, all the while thinking about what a great concert it was.

But when I came home there was that message on my answering machine, one that would change our lives forever. The one no parent ever wants to get. My step-daughter had a heart attack. She was 24. She was not gone at that time, but within about three weeks she was.

It is just very hard for me to put away those thoughts and enjoy any concert at that fair this time of year. I cannot do it without thinking of her. (The call was August 28). But I do think we have to let logical thinking have the upper hand. We know something like this is not more likely to happen again, while doing the same thing (going to a concert, buying a CD, or exercising). Hugs to you. I agree with others. Try to think about what your brother would want. If exercising was a positive thing in your life, I think he would want you to continue with it.

MATTHEW0498 SparkPoints: (32,853)
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8/26/13 9:19 A

My condolences. I certainly understand avoiding something that triggers bad memories. I have dealt with that for a lot of my life. I do, however, agree with another poster who asked what your brother would want for you. With as close as you two were, I certainly don't think he would want you to stop doing something that was good for you. Maybe start out by doing just a few minutes of exercise here and there and build up from there. Starting back slowly might help make it not so traumatic getting back into to.

8/26/13 4:28 A

I know the 'aversion' a traumatic experience can cause to mundane actions. It is as if we either associate it with bad things, or if we get a bit 'superstitious'. If a bad thing happened while I did that, will something bad happen again if I do it again? Intellectually we know it won't but it is just the way we instinctively think.
So get another kind of exercise that has lots of 'feel good' value. Like hiking, dancing or tennis. Whatever floats your boat. Dedicate the effort you put into it to the memory of your brother. You will feel a lot better and less depressed.
Please try, ok?

Edited by: LOVINGAFRICA at: 8/26/2013 (04:29)
JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (587,377)
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8/26/13 12:05 A

I know it's hard and I am so very sorry for your loss!!! I will almost bet you that your brother would not want you give up on your exercise routine!!! Think about it!!! Make him happy!!!! God bless you!!!

MARYANNB25 SparkPoints: (45,275)
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8/25/13 10:10 P

Losing a brother is a tragic loss and I know how you feel. I never thought I would lose a brother but I have lost 2. One brother died at the age of 21 and the other brother died at 34. Both of natural causes if you can believe that. It is a hard thing to deal with but you will get through it. Just know that your brother would not want you to stop living. He loved you and would want you to go on with life, You now have an angel in heaven watching over you and he will always be close by. Just take it one day at a time. May God Bless you.

UMBILICAL Posts: 12,786
8/25/13 9:40 P

Grief must run its course, but I pray that it turns to gratitude for having that person in your life.

DEANNA0725 SparkPoints: (22,611)
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8/25/13 9:39 P

I understand where you are coming from. I lost my husband, my father, my father in law and all of my belongings in a fire within a year and a half of each other. It took me over five years to get back into the groove of things, but I am finally doing it and am really glad that I have. I wish that I started exercising shortly after all of my trauma so that I could have found some potential happiness from the endorphins that exercising releases. I wish you the best of luck getting through your difficult time....

EMPRESSAMQ Posts: 5,077
8/25/13 8:43 P

OP: I've lost a young sibling also and know how much pain you are in. Hugs and bless you. May you find peace and closure at just the right time and know there is no time limit and there are no rules for grieving. Be well.


Edited by: EMPRESSAMQ at: 8/25/2013 (20:43)
AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (0)
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8/25/13 8:23 P

I've lost a sibling too and I know how hard it is.

What would your brother want you to do? Would he want you to stay paralyzed or would he want you to get up and start taking care of yourself again?

SUNFLOWERGAMMY SparkPoints: (27,692)
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8/25/13 7:26 P

Just imagine for a moment you are sitting on a bench sitting under the shade of a weeping willow thinking about your beloved brother, as a figure of light and love approaches you He begins to come into focus, It's Jesus, He wraps you tightly in His arms and you begin to sob uncontrollably letting all your grief pass from your heart to His. As you do this He begins to remind you of all the happy times you and your brother spent together, all the laughter and tears you shared, and as He begins to talk to you about your brother joy begins to fill your heart and begins to overcome the grief. May your heart and soul be comforted by the Comforter and your memories turn into rays of sunshine as you remember your brother.
In love and compassion, Sunflowergammy

STYLIANI2000 SparkPoints: (13,280)
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8/25/13 7:14 P

The last time I exercised was 5 min before i got a phone call saying my 39 year old brother had just had a fatal heart attack! That was on June the 5th - I can't go back to exercising as it reminds me of the horrible day and the big loss in my life! My brother was my best friend he brought so much joy into my life now its empty and there is a big void - even going on this site brings back memories of when he was alive! Getting back into an exercise routines scares me - getting on with my life scares me - I miss him so so much!

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