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LAST20FORME SparkPoints: (4,152)
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5/8/13 1:01 P

Before retirement I saw a lot of frienemies in business. Wherever big money is involved you will see this. Some are better than others at hiding their ulterior motive. I accept this will happen in business as money does funny things to people but it would hurt and has hurt when it happens in personal relationships not business related.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,540
5/8/13 12:31 P

Bunnykicks, that is what I think of when I think of Frienemy.

A frienemy would try to be your bestie while she is banging your husband. Something like that.

There are many different levels of relationships and I may not be crazy about someone but I treat them with respect and cordiality. I don't secretly hate them. I wish them well.

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (588,960)
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5/7/13 10:14 P

I don't think I have any frienemies and I don't think I am one!! LOL!!!!

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,433
5/7/13 9:35 P

"Are you going to be openly the enemy "

Well no, I don't go around declaring war upon all those with whom I am not friends!

Maybe I'm not understanding the term, the way you mean it. Being polite to casual acquaintances, co-workers, random strangers, and assorted people-with-whom-i-am-not-"friends" is just part of everyday human interaction. It helps to treat people with some degree of respect, even if you aren't particularly interested in them, even if you don't particularly care for them.

But... that's quite a different animal than pretending to be besties with someone you detest, just to get her to get comfortable with you, spill her secrets, so that you can then gossip about her behind her back. Which is what I think of, when I think of "frienemies." I've run across a few folks like that over the years... the "keep your friends close but your enemies closer" type.... I would never be able to pull it off (my feelings show too much, if i think you suck, i'll never be able to pull off a convincing OMG Hi!!!!! SOOOOOO Good to see you!!!!!!!!!" ) and plus, I have no motivation to do so.

STRONGERLEANER SparkPoints: (172,241)
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5/7/13 9:15 P

I don't think I am anyone's frienemy because I think I'm pretty genuine. Also, I generally keep people at a distance, however, someone could definitely see me as a frienemey. We have no way to control how people perceive us and I probably am on someone's frienemy list.

**edited for clarity

Edited by: STRONGERLEANER at: 5/7/2013 (21:39)
I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
5/7/13 8:31 P

Being cordial is a very different thing. No need to talk to the other person unless it involves the kids and about the kids period.

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,487
5/7/13 7:55 P

here is a good example ....
your spouse has kids and the ex isn't thrilled about the new marriage but
they share joint custody with the kids.

Are you going to be openly the enemy of the ex
and put the kids in a difficult situation
are you going to be frenemies and pretend to get along so that the kids don't suffer any more than they need to.?

TAMEISHA1 Posts: 15
5/7/13 7:24 P

I can't be a "frienemie" my face would give me away plus I have this thing about lying......I just can't do it with any skill and my conscious attacks me

5/7/13 7:20 P

I wouldn't be surprised if I was the frienemy in a few of my casual relationships. I can get competitive and jealous sometimes, particularly when it comes to work. I'm pretty up front with how I'm feeling- so if I'm upset over something the other person will know. But sometimes, even with the best of intentions, I'm not always able to be magnanimous. Call me human!

JGIRL5799 Posts: 561
5/7/13 6:15 P

I can't say I am a frienemy either.... I either like people or I don't and if I don't like someone they will know it and know why.

Edited by: JGIRL5799 at: 5/7/2013 (18:17)
MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,540
5/7/13 4:17 P

I have had people that were frienemies but I have not been a frienemy.

Thankfully I like everyone that is in my life right now. And I believe that they like me too

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,487
5/7/13 3:58 P

People who say that their world is black and white, friend or enemy, surprise me. There are all kinds of situations where you have to deal with people that you don't want to, but openly being an enemy with them would be worse than pretending to get along for the sake of everything else involved.

You could have in-laws you absolutely don't get along but for the sake of peace in the family you have to act friendly. Your co-workers or your spouses co-workers could be difficult people to deal with. Your boss. Your neighbors. Friends of friends.
It is sometimes better to pretend friends than declare open war. Because when you are openly hostile, Everyone wants to back off.

But when it comes to people deceiving you..don't be fooled into thinking you would always know. Sometimes you need to analyze how you feel when someone is around. If your relationship starts to feel uncomfortable, even though you can't quite put your finger on why...maybe something else is going on

GEVANS7 SparkPoints: (311,516)
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5/7/13 3:36 P

People usually know where they stand with me. I'm not into phony relationships and I'm rather blunt. I also don't let many people into my life for the sake of sociallizing. I'll take one true friend over 20 aquaintances. When people use terms like "social networking" - which translates into "what can you do for me?" I make A QUICK EXIT. I know there are people who don't like me but I can 100% guarantee it's because they cannot get me to like them, and I don't need any invitations to home parties where I'm expected to buy something.

We don't all have to like each other as adults. We do need to leave differences at the door and get along if we work together.

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,433
5/7/13 3:29 P

No, I don't think I am anyone's "Frienemy" - because (in my understanding of the word), that would imply that I am "pretending to be friends/tricking someone into thinking I am their friend, despite disliking them).

People tend to know when I dislike them. I'm not the most tactful.

I figure people should appreciate "an honest enemy over a false friend" but oddly enough, most people don't seem to!

5/7/13 2:53 P

but do you think YOU are someone Frienemy? We don't get to decide who makes us one or not.

STRONGERLEANER SparkPoints: (172,241)
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5/7/13 1:53 P

People are deceptive. I'm sure I have plenty of them.

Although I'm not a social butterfly, I "associate" with many people. Because of this I've seen and heard a lot.

LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 4,690
5/7/13 1:22 P

Since a frienemy (sp??) is someone who does not like you but who pretends to be your friend, I think that they always know who they are. But, you may have frienemies and not know who they are--you may think that someone is your friend when, actually, they are not. Sometimes, you know who your frienemies are, they know that you know? Do you know that they know that you know??


AMARANTHA120S Posts: 474
5/7/13 9:48 A

I am out of the loop of popular expressions but the term "frienemies" is one I thought was kind of out of use now and in past years sort of referred to younger people having tiffs with their school friends on Facebook, etc.

JGIRL5799 Posts: 561
5/6/13 9:43 A

@ Sheryl you are sooo right about the character of people..

I have learned very quickly that I learn more about that person on how they talk about other people because it speaks hugely on how they really are.

Like a quote I heard the other day "What they say about sally speaks more about themselves"

NWFL59 Posts: 6,141
5/6/13 9:40 A

so what else is new in the world?

LUV2SURFCHIC Posts: 2,507
5/6/13 9:39 A

I am kind of naive, and have figured out that I've had lots of these. Sad but true.

JGIRL5799 Posts: 561
5/6/13 9:38 A

I have found a lot of frienemies on surprised me. Everyone on my facebook, I know personally or they were a part of my life in high school, college or groups I belonged too. I stepped away from facebook due to the drama it causes and all the political crap.

How I understand this is that
People I would think they would be friends but in reality they are nothing but poison to the relationship. They would be nice to my face but nasty when I was away, I am thankful for my true friends when they would come back to my face letting me know someone said this or that.
I think I found it more true with Co-workers more than anything..

If I have an issue with someone, they will know it to their face and from me..

For me, true friends will be there when you need them the most, the fake friends I can always sense out with my nose and I do not allow them to take up my time or any part of my life. Life is way to short to deal with those kind of people.

Edited by: JGIRL5799 at: 5/6/2013 (09:40)
SHERYLDS Posts: 17,487
5/6/13 7:18 A

BLUENOSE63...I think true friendship develops out of acquaintances and you get to know the person's real character. If they talk about others, we have to expect they may be doing the same behind your back. If you see negative behavior in a friend, you have to wonder how much of it is rubbing off on you. And if you see things you admire...same hope you become more like them.

But we don't always have a choice in who we need to act 'friendly' with...
be it a significant other's buddy, a neighbor, an in-law, or a co-worker.
There are people we have to interact with...
and it is better to be civil and cordial than hostile and rude.

I think of frenemies like D√ČTENTE: the relaxation of strained relations or tensions.
You can't be totally at ease with some people...
but you don't need to be at war either.
And who knows what can happen after time.

Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 5/6/2013 (07:22)
BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (108,021)
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5/5/13 10:55 P

You have to watch out for the friend/enemy combination. I meet quite a number of people who speak so nicely to me like they are interested; then hear about them talking behind my back how I suck at whatever!!!!

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,487
5/5/13 10:34 P

Sometimes It's hard to tell the difference between a real friendship that went sour due to a big misunderstanding, or a friendship wasn't what we thought to begin with.

I think whenever someone feels uncomfortable with a 'friendship' and things feel tense or strange, it's a good idea to add a little safe distance...and be as tactful as possible.
I think there are plenty of times when
we are unaware of having offended someone inadvertently,
or if they perceived something we did not mean,

5/5/13 9:28 P

@Sheryl: Differences in opinions, concepts, ideas, personality, etc....yes, all can and should be handled diplomatically and to not do so is asinine. But what if my "friend" doesn't let on, at all, that they have a difference with me (I say "me" but I mean everyone). I wouldn't know to ACT diplomatically on that difference.

That said, I sure would like the superhuman power of reading minds, it seems to work for some, just not me (and by "me" I mean me, KJFD).


SHERYLDS Posts: 17,487
5/5/13 8:36 P

I would rather have diplomacy from a frenemy than open hostility from an enemy.

Diplomacy uses tact and can be civil..people can still talk without insulting each other.
It allows for a change in attitude between people.
You just need to know how far you can trust someone...and when not to.

Being all out enemies is always busy attacking the other side and it just builds is non productive. No room for compromise. And bystanders will avoid getting close to a hostile person.

Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 5/5/2013 (20:58)
I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
5/5/13 8:16 P

I don't do fake so no.... I am not naive either, so I would be able to detect a fake friend in a heart beat, so no to that as well.

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,487
5/5/13 8:13 P

ah ... you got me curious
"Frenemy" (alternately spelled "frienemy") is a portmanteau of "friend" and "enemy" that can refer to either
an enemy pretending to be your friend
or someone who really is your friend but is also a rival.[

I guess there is a tiny bit of rivalry in most just hope it doesn't go overboard.

But for the enemy pretending to be your friend ... if you recognize that there is conflict between may have to act like a friend to get any dialogue going before that enemy can become 'friendlier' even if they never become friends...maybe something like diplomacy?

5/5/13 7:08 P

yeah Sheryl, I think that saying is different than frienemies though I suppose the concept is relevantly close.

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,487
5/5/13 6:54 P

I thought Frenemy was slang for "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer".

I think that the person who befriends someone With ulterior motives knows they are doing it.
there are people who Don't Know how to be friends without feeling the need to be toxic

and I'm not sure I can always tell the difference.

5/5/13 6:28 P

"Frienemies" from UrbanDictionary:

I don't have any but I was wondering the other day if I am someone's frienemy, I mean, do people who are labeled as frienemies KNOW that they are frienemies to someone?

Many years ago a guy who I thought was a friend was really just staying close to me because he thought I was hitting on his wife who was a real friend of mine, nothing more.

Who THINKS of this STUFF!?

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