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MI-ELLKAYBEE SparkPoints: (228,267)
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Posts: 4,388
5/4/13 7:35 A

May God bless your success on this journey we all share!

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (57,456)
Fitness Minutes: (36,342)
Posts: 2,545
5/3/13 12:11 P

So for all of us who have been there, done that and know we could end up there again, I have a challenge for you!

Do one nice thing just for you today.

Mine is I'm going to buy a new pair of shoes. The foster puppy has chewed on the heels of 2 pairs so I need a pair, I want them and I'm going to get them. Yes, I have a shoe fetish. And if I find a good deal, I just might buy 2 pairs!

JESSICAMONT32 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (15,887)
Posts: 273
5/3/13 9:06 A

I just read your post. I am so,sorry you are going through such a rough time. Know you are not alone. I can identify with your post so so so much. I am not,close to my family nor have many friends. I have tried throughout the years to make connections with others but I seem to either get burned by them or Something else happens. I hope things start changing for the better for you. You are in my thoughts....please feel free to send me a messege anytime if you need someone to chat with ......try to have a great day..... Hugs

VATRUCKER SparkPoints: (20,629)
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Posts: 526
5/3/13 7:09 A

I was very glad to read your post this morning, and even gladder to see u in recovery. One final word, THE ONLY THING STOPPING YOU FROM ACHIEVED SUCCESS IN ANYTHING YOU ENDEAVOR TO DO IS YOU. MAY THE GRACE OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR PROTECT YOU AND KEEP YOU, AMEN emoticon

NJENGEN Posts: 740
5/3/13 2:40 A

I'm so glad to hear you were able to enjoy the "kitty therapy". I was really worried about you reading your first post - it just seemed like you were/are in such a deep, dark place. But this new post shows that you're able to see and appreciate positive experiences. So I'll hope and pray that you have at least one positive experience each day, no matter how small. And hopefully with enough positive experiences, you'll gain hope for your future - confidence that things will get better and better for you!

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (57,456)
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5/3/13 12:28 A

Hey NewEyes,
Glad to hear you got in a good vent and some kitty therapy! Pet fav kind. Must be why we have 2 dogs, 4 cats, and a foster puppy.

If you can't have a cat, maybe you could volunnter at a rescue center? I know my orginization could use your help!

5/2/13 5:44 P

WithNewEyes- would it be possible for you to have a cat as a pet. They can pretty much take care of themselves you know. They just need food, water, and love. You don't have to take them for walks or anything. Think about it!! :)
I have no other advice to add to what's already been given. You are not alone.

MRSSHANNONC1970 SparkPoints: (25,794)
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Posts: 734
5/2/13 5:35 P

Your not alone! Man of what you just said I can relate to RIGHT NOW, I am not feeling alone but none of my friends are on diets and my husband is supportive but if I ask for take out, he gets it. I was on a good track for 3 weeks I got sick ran out of steam fell off and just posted here because I am desperate to get back on track tomorrow. Do you want to get back on tack with me and start tomorrow and ONLY focus on tomorrow? we can hold each others hand and go day by day and report in??? I have three more weeks to make a change for me, for my blood pressure and for my knee dr who needs to see I lost some weight. So what do you think? I think we can be here for each other and STOP being so hard on yourself -


VATRUCKER SparkPoints: (20,629)
Fitness Minutes: (36,922)
Posts: 526
5/2/13 5:27 P

Be advised that there is one thing free in this life, and u could not buy it if u wanted to. What is it, THE LOVE OF OUR SAVIOR JESUS THE CHRIST, go in prayer to him and let him handled all those problems, meanwhile you have a whole host of spark buddies right here to help u through this, I would venture to say, before this day is over you could find one or more on spark people with the same or worst problems, hang in there emoticon YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Edited by: VATRUCKER at: 5/2/2013 (17:48)
FITGLAMGIRL Posts: 2,045
5/2/13 12:39 P

That is awesome WITHNEWEYES. I prayed for you last night, so I do hope that God sent you a sign. It must be so awful to feel so alone. Pets actually make great companions. I remember a time in my life that was so dark and I was lucky to have my beloved companion dog. He was all I had at the time.

Just keep pushing through to the other side. Every change you make today and the next day and the next will all be worth it in the end.

God Bless

WITHNEWEYES SparkPoints: (3,300)
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Posts: 42
5/2/13 5:08 A

Thank you everyone for all your words of encouragement, advice, hugs and warm thoughts. I'll keep fighting. And just taking it one day at a time. I took a walk yesterday and as I walk I was just quietly venting and almost actually came close to screaming out my thoughts and my pain. And then I turned the corner and out of the blue this chunky tabby orange cats comes to me wanting to be petted and then rolls all around and really putting on a show for me. I took it as a sign that God was listening to me. And that I wasn't alone. And I love cuddly cats. I did eventually leave and continued my walking.

FITGLAMGIRL Posts: 2,045
5/2/13 12:03 A

It saddens me to read this. I can only hope that you find the support you need. Sounds like you have lot going on. I don't really have any advice other than positive self talk to yourself is better than the negative thoughts going through your head.

One thing is for sure, God loves you. I will be praying for you. Hugs!

YOGA_KITTY SparkPoints: (6,326)
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Posts: 195
5/1/13 9:51 P

I don't have anything to add to the great advice already given by the other posters, just want to send another hug your way.

emoticon emoticon

PATTYR81 Posts: 785
5/1/13 1:04 P

I agree with all the good stuff written here so far.....

You are NOT alone! Your post is/will help way more people than you can even imagine!!

Most of us have been where you are and totally understand.

I second the idea of Overeaters Anonymous. I was involved with it for several years and know for a fact there are people working all different hours/shifts looking for others that are available the same times they are.

I would same the same is true for us here at SP- There are always people surfing/posting/reading. Your posts and blogs are helping both you and many, many others!

Take Care~


ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (198,661)
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Posts: 27,204
5/1/13 11:47 A


You are definitely not wallowing in self pity. What you are is being overwhelmed. There is only so much a person can handle at one time and you seem to be bombarded with a lot of issues all at once. There is only so much one person can do. Take things one day at a time, even one meal at a time. I'm a firm believer that stress is a neglected aspect of weight gain. If a person can reduce their stress, they'd automatically reduce their waistline. Definitely read some of those articles. They have ways to help you cope when you feel like you want to turn to food for comfort.

Have you ever taken yoga before ? If not, you may want to check your local area for a good yoga studio. Yoga isn't just about being more flexible. there are yoga classes that will teach you breathing exercises as well as how to meditate. Studies have shown that people who meditate can lower their stress as well as their blood pressure. You may find that meditating could also help with binging. Meditating could help to you better focus your energy. I will do some of the deep breathing exercises when I'm feeling out of sorts. Tai Chi is another exercise that might help calm your nerves.

You can't beat yourself up because you binge. Binging is a very complex issue with no easy solution. You have to be more patient as well as forgiving of yourself. Every single one of us has turned to food at one time or another. It doesn't make you a bad person or an out of control one. It's just a matter of finding better ways to focus your energy.

Another thing I would suggest that might help is to start a blog. If you don't to blog on SP, that's okay. Get a notebook and start writing out your feelings. I find writing very cathartic. So, when you feel overwhelmed and want to turn to food, get out some paper and start writing out your feelings. You may not stop the binge, but you might be able to decrease the intensity.


LOVEXAVIE SparkPoints: (42,827)
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5/1/13 10:55 A

Hi With New Eyes.

I just want to offer my cyber hugs to you. You know, lots of folks go through rough patches, some rougher than others - but you are valuable to the world and have many gifts to bring it.

I will also offer this w/ the utmost in loving sincerity that it could help lift your spirits, and know I am not being flippant here in the least: if you don't do so already, start a gratitude journal. I find that gratitude is key to happiness. It is very hard to be grateful for things when your mind is overly focused on the bad things. You've heard that saying about seeing the forest through the trees? Well, sometimes when we are going through some very intense problems, it's like that's all we can see and we lose sight of the goodness that is out there.

I can see an example of that goodness right now! I see the kind people before me reaching out to you because they truly do care about YOU. That's pretty awesome in my book. In today's world, it's nice to see examples of kindness & caring like that.

There was a time when I was going through a tough time. Knowing it's tough for gratitude & despair to occupy the same space at the same time, I tried to think of things to be grateful for, and at first I thought there wasn't much. In fact, I had to reach out and stretch my list to include mundane things like street lights, the neighbors beautiful rose garden, the adorable puppy next door, etc etc. My point is, once I began focusing on seeing gratitude, I did see it! The more I saw things, the faster new things came into view. And it did make me feel better. Hey - at least it took me out of my own head and out of my own way for a bit.

Hopefully, writing how you felt helped you. Sometimes we all just have to let it out. It must be tough w/ your work schedule. Perhaps some internet a/o Spark groups would be helpful since you can be on the computer when you can fit it into your schedule. Maybe like someone else mentioned, there's a church or volunteer opportunity for your day off. That way you could meet 'live' people, do good and lift your spirits at the same time.

You're not out of control. You just feel that way right now. It's temporary and will get better.
To help you focus on good things, maybe give yourself one goal to accomplish a day. Make it something attainable yet important to do. It could be physical or mental. Perhaps the goal could be to get out for a 20 minute walk. Or go to the Woo-Hoo board and shower some praise on someone. Or the Panic board and offer encouragement. Or any board and offer your wisdom! The point here is do something or offer something of yourself. Even if it is just drinking your water - that's something right there.

Please hang in there and know people here really wish you all the best.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

SP_COACH_DENISE Posts: 42,369
5/1/13 10:52 A

You have been given a lot of support and good information here. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist, as that will help you work through your feelings, but please know that you are definitely not alone. there are a lot of supportive people on SparkPeople and I'm glad you reached out! Please take some time to talk with other members on the message boards and in SparkTeams and you will find that you are not alone and more than likely you will also find some others going through similar things (now or in the past) and may be able to offer some additional advice, especially if they have already been through it.

Please keep posting on here and by taking little steps along the way, they will lead to big changes. Don't be so hard on yourself - it does take time to make changes to our habits.

Also, if you haven't already, I would recommend journaling about your thoughts and feelings. Whether you share those or not is up to you, but sometimes just writing it down can be helpful in finding the source of the issue and even be able to allow you to come up with some plans to keep binges from happening in the future.

You can do this!

Coach Denise

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (250,566)
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Posts: 26,982
5/1/13 5:12 A

WITHNEWEYES -First I will say that I am really pleased to hear that you are in Therapy, but I am sorry that you have been having loads of issues. I understand Depression and related issues only too well. I also understand your loneliness, too! Have you thought about joining in a group activity where you can gradually build a friendship? I know that working night-shifts can make this a wee bit more difficult, but there are many others who work night-shifts, too, who might be in the same boat. There are also many who don't work at all, who might enjoy the comradeship that some groups bring - whether it be a hobby group or a small exercise class.

Below are a couple links that you may find helpful for your situation.

I know that there is a lot of reading there, but it may contain helpful ideas that you haven't thought about, and also provide you with some good distraction from food.

I know that you can do this - you just have the find the right key for you!
Kris xxx

BAREFOOTN Posts: 1,001
5/1/13 2:45 A

I read your post and I don't think you are wallowing in self pity. I think you are going through a rough spot, but sometimes you can learn a lot from a rough spot.

Your work schedule is a rough one as it makes it hard to get rest (unless you are a day sleeper). I have a hard schedule and stay really tired. Being tired makes me want to eat. Yesterday, I had a blow out. I ate everything in sight. I was tired, sick, frustrated, worried, and a tad lonely. Although, my hubby is home with me, I miss having women friends. I don't have many and my schedule makes it hard for me to find time to meet with them and do things with them.

When a person eats for comfort, I have heard (experienced) the feelings they are burying come to the surface when they don't binge. These feelings are hard to deal with when, like me, they have been buried for years. Try journaling or something similar. It helps. Like this nice vent, just try it before you eat. Spewing out the negative might help you before you take that first bite.

Good luck!!! I am rooting for you!!!

NJENGEN Posts: 740
5/1/13 1:56 A


(I like that, by the way. Couldn't we all benefit from seeing "with new eyes"!)

I for one do not think you are "wallowing in self-pity." I can't imagine anyone reading your post and thinking that. It sounds to me as if you're in a deep hole and can't see your way out and in a lot of pain in that hole. You truly are not alone - I have been in a similar place and I remember the loneliness, the isolation. I'm glad to hear that you're seeing a therapist and I hope that he/she is helping.

LadyCJM suggested small steps, I think that's a good idea - to identify even just one small step to get you going in a healthier direction. Maybe just increasing the amount of water you drink in a day by one glass. Or maybe when reaching for something to eat, choosing fruit or veggies at least once (or once more) during the day. Or maybe something that isn't even food related. Maybe try to find inspiration during the day. Think about someone who you find inspiring, or look up inspiring quotes online.

I know that there's a team on Spark for people dealing with depression; I don't know if you've already found that team, but that might be a place to find some support.

Your closing comment about trying to "get through each day the best way I can." to me sounds hopeful. Just the fact that you are trying sounds as if you believe that things can be better. So keep trying - you can get there. It may take a long time and a lot of very small steps, but you can do it.

emoticon emoticon

5/1/13 12:41 A

I wish there was a way for me to really let you know how alone you aren't. Unfortunately, I've been where you are and I know how it feels. All I can do is tell you that you are truly not alone and offer you the best I can- a hug in spirit. Keep fighting and chin up. : )

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (57,456)
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Posts: 2,545
5/1/13 12:22 A

Wow! You sound so sad. I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better.

You are not alone. I know it's hard when you work nights and are fighting depression and food issues.

Don't give up. Tomorrow is another day to start again.

Try starting with smaller goals that you can succeed at. Maybe eating healthy for 1 more. Eating well for one day. A goal to do something nice for yourself today.

Think about going to church or overeaters anonymous or any group where you can get positive feedback. I know it takes effort but you can do it!

Blessings to you, you are not alone.

WITHNEWEYES SparkPoints: (3,300)
Fitness Minutes: (788)
Posts: 42
4/30/13 11:44 P

I am so sad. And I am so angry. I haven't been able to get through one week without binging. And I feel so stupid. My weight hasn't been steady in about 2 months. I feel so alone. I don't have many friend. And I work the 11pm-7am shift at work. I just feel so lonely. And there are some relationship losses that I've been trying to work through in therapy for some time now. Food is like my only friend. The only thing is I know it isn't a friend at all. It's just a temporary fix. That truly doesn't fix anything at all, just makes me feel even more bad about myself. Sometimes I feel like it's safer to not eat all, because lately it's like if I have one bite of anything I just don't know how to stop. I've tried a lot of things to prevent myself binging. Like keeping food at work in my locker and leaving my money there. Because I was ordering out a lot. And I would walk to the grocery store and get things and just binge. I truly just hate myself. I don't like myself. And the one thing that I felt control over was my healthy lifestyle, and now it's like I don't know how to regain that since of control. I feel so hopeless and just apathetic. I want to be healthy and live a balance lifestyle. I am sick of the obsession over food. I am sick of the insatiable neediness and hunger that seems to be a bottomless pit always crying out for more. I know there are a lot emotional things going on. I am just losing hope and very discouraged. I am so depressed and experiencing a tremendous amount of anxiety which I am being treated for. Nothing brings me pleasure or excitement anymore. I am even getting sick of binging, like it's just getting old yet I can't stop. I find myself just wanting to curl up in a ball all the time and just be held and cry. I have no social life. And sometimes being out in public and seeing people overwhelms my heart with such grief and longing. I live with two other women they are quite older than me and we aren't close at all. One is never there she is always away with her guy and the other she always on the go and I don't feel comfortable around her. I have "friends" but I never see them, and they never have time for me. I don't have a car. I take a taxi or walk to places when I need to go somewhere. I feel trapped. Stuck. Frustrated and just angry. Jealous. Ashamed and hopeless. Food has always been my source of comfort. Always reliable. Consistent. Available. Loyal. Comforting. But it can't hold me and talk with me. I guess in away it does talk to me, depending on the food of choice I am sure there is some reasoning of why I chose it. I do believe in the food mood connection. I am just at a lost. Right now, I am off tonight. I slept all day yesterday. And my stomach hurts, I just want to go back to bed and cry. I hate food. I hate binging. I hate my body. I hate how sad and pathetic I feel. I hate just feeling this deep unrelenting sadness and pain in my heart. I have no consistent establish community. My family is in another state, which doesn't really matter because we aren't close at all. I just feel all alone in the world. The only people I have consistent contact with is my therapist, which I pay for her time, and oh my doctor which I also have to pay for. Nothing in this life is free. And some can think I am wallowing in self-pity. I don't care what you think. I am in a lot of pain and just get through each day the best way I can.

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