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TACDGB Posts: 6,136
2/20/13 12:26 A

Go get this..........You have to do this for yourself and no one else. I have been down your road. I finally said " I have to do this for me and no one else". I had to realize that my ex hubby was not in my corner on this. He was not supporting me. Find someone who will support you. Tell hubby how you feel as he needs to know this.

BEANBYDESIGN SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (36,402)
Posts: 1,021
2/19/13 5:59 P

How shallow does he think you are, that you would leave if you were thinner? More importantly, how little does he value himself to think that the only reason you stay with him is because you can't do better? You guys should consider couples counseling, his whole mindset sounds destructive to the health of your relationship.

Edited by: BEANBYDESIGN at: 2/19/2013 (20:04)
NEWBEX2014 Posts: 138
2/19/13 5:40 P

Thank you all so much for your responses. I appreciate them all and they have helped me out. I'm not making excuses and I know how to control things but when it comes to the emotional stress, I guess that's what you would call it, it stands in my way. He is afraid I'm going to lose weight and go on to someone else. That hurts too in a sense because it's kind of like him saying I'm not good enough for someone else to want now. I AM going to do this and appreciate all of you great people for listening to me. It has helped a lot just having someone to talk to. Thank you all again sooooooooo much!

2/19/13 5:38 P

@Newbex2013: it is frustrating I'm sure especially when you feel like you're doing the right thing but others can't see it that way. So, make a list of facts for yourself like this:
Fact: I want to lose weight.
Fact: People can and do lose weight without support from others including loved ones.
Fact: People have also lost weight and kept a healthy relationship with their S.O.s
Fact: I cannot expect others to lose weight for me.
Fact: Only I have control over what goes into my mouth.
Fact: etc.......

The above isn't a list of opinions, they are facts, if you make this list yourself and keep it factual withOUT adding in "enabler" subtext such as, oh, he'll be mad at me if I lose weight or it might make him feel bad if I eat less, and just keep it factual, you'll have much better success.

Also, for now, keep it a secret that you're losing weight, do the Jedi Mind Trick on him if you have to by saying things like, "Oh my goodness I am STUFFED after eating all that good food" or "Hey, I just saw online that the Steelers are trading Big Ben" and when he runs out of the room feed all your food to the dog or just scrap it onto HIS plate and then upon his return wipe your face off with a napkin and burp really loud and then stick your thumbs into your waistband and head for the living room to watch Sports Center on ESPN.

Edited by: KJFITNESSDUDE at: 2/19/2013 (17:42)
PINK_GRAY Posts: 349
2/19/13 5:22 P

If he doesn't support you, find everyone else who will. You are definitely on the right website. emoticon

ANARIE Posts: 13,200
2/19/13 5:19 P

Quit expecting someone else to help you. This is something that's yours alone. If he's tying you to a chair and cramming food into your mouth, you've got a much bigger problem than what you eat. If he's doing anything less, he's not "making" you do anything-- he's just giving you an out to do what you secretly want to do anyway.

The dirty little secret is that NO ONE gets support. No one else can or will do anything that makes this easier or harder. It doesn't matter whether you're married, single, in a relationship, or whatever, what you eat is entirely your own choice and responsibility. Eat what you know you should, and if he says, "You need to eat more," say, "If I'm hungry later I'll have something then." That's all.

YELLOWBUMBLEBRI SparkPoints: (1,159)
Fitness Minutes: (425)
Posts: 12
2/19/13 5:16 P

I doubt what's he saying is coming from a negative place. The portions you're eating could look really small to him. Maybe if you showed him a serving size chart(I keep one on my fridge), and explained how many calories you want to eat per day, and carbs, fat, protein, etc, he would understand? My boyfriend has occasionally commented on my portion sizes, and I realize that it does look tiny compared to his plate. I always assure him that if I'm truly hungry, I'll come back for more later.

DACHI9 SparkPoints: (7,051)
Fitness Minutes: (1,081)
Posts: 386
2/19/13 5:04 P

If he tries to sabotage your eating, what else does he try to sabotage in the rest of your life? Maybe it's time to reassess your living conditions and other areas and make some new plans. If you know what I mean.

BEANBYDESIGN SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (36,402)
Posts: 1,021
2/19/13 4:54 P

Just. Say. No.

I know it feels really hard to do that, but it really isn't, and it's good practice for all of the other scenarios where you'll face temptation out in the world. He's your husband, yes, and he loves you, but that doesn't give him any right to have any say whatsoever over what you do or don't put into your OWN body, so stop letting him take that power away from you. You - and ONLY you - are in charge of what you eat and what you do. You don't have to be mean or anything, but you do need to set clear, FIRM boundaries with him. You can tell him you understand why he cares what you eat, and you appreciate the fact that he cares, but what you do or don't eat is no longer up for discussion. If he brings it up, take your plate and leave the room. Eating alone is preferable to sharing a table with someone who's intent on force-feeding you like you're a toddler or something, and if he really does care about you, and his concern is truly coming from a place of love, he'll understand that his behavior is hurting you and he'll stop. If he can't or won't stop harassing you and trying to stuff you with food, then I think that probably says something important about him.

In an ideal world, he'd be supportive, and I wish that for you, and I hope that he comes around. But if he can't be supportive, at the VERY least, you need to demand that he just get out of your way. Your health is too important to just hand over to someone else's control, no matter how much that someone else loves you.

Edited by: BEANBYDESIGN at: 2/19/2013 (16:55)
I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
2/19/13 4:54 P

Throw him out along with the Oreos, that's bull crap trying to get you to eat more, refuse, refuse, refuse! Don't expect him to change his eating, but my gosh practically forcing you what a blankity blank, you fill in the blank. Just refuse his unkind forceful ways, and if he does get worse throw him out a few days so he realizes you mean business. Take care of you and good luck.

Edited by: I_HEART_MY_FAM at: 2/19/2013 (16:55)
TURTLESDOVE Posts: 1,067
2/19/13 4:35 P

I think you have to have a few tricks up your sleeve. My hubby does this, too. What I do is, I put those no no items on my plate and act like I'm gonna eat them, along with whatever it is I'm gonna really eat, and he doesn't even notice that I'm not eating the bad stuff. I feel your pain. This is the only thing that helps. I believe he is unconsciencely (bad spelling I know) unaware that I might get to looking so good that other men will hit on me and I'll run off and leave him.

NEWBEX2014 Posts: 138
2/19/13 4:15 P

I don't feel like I can do this no matter how hard I try. I have the motivation but not the support behind me that I need. I measure my food and then my hubby tries to make me eat more. He doesn't understand that I'm just trying to eat the right portions so my stomach can get used to eating less. He thinks I'm starving myself and doesn't want to help me out in any way and be there for me. I'm so sorry to put this out there but I need some advice so badly. I just want to lose weight to be healthier, happier, have more energy and look and feel more confident in my own skin. Anyone with any advice is greatly appreciated. :) emoticon

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