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LOVEXAVIE SparkPoints: (42,867)
Fitness Minutes: (48,271)
Posts: 2,450
7/23/13 10:12 P

Linda, you are ONE choice away from being back on track.
Just one!

I totally get where you're at. I spent ten years like that. By that time, I was old enough to know I never wanted to do the "diet" thing any more, ever. Considered lap band...considered just accepting being heavy for the rest of my life.

I don't know where we all get the notion of having to be being perfect when we adopt a healthy lifestyle. Where else in life are any of us perfect? Nowhere! That's the beauty of doing it right: you don't have to be perfect! And it shouldn't be torture.

Know why it's been torture for you? Because you were focused on being perfect. Ding-ding-ding-ding! That's the bell of enlightenment chiming sweet music to you.

Like HEALTHYFOREVER4, I routinely went over my calories (and when I didn't, I ate mainly at the high end). Know why? Because even if I was 100, 200, 300+ over, I was eating FAR healthier food (more veggies than I had in decades) & far less quantity overall than before.

Ate a little over? Who cares! It's better than I was doing! And doggone it, I refuse to diet any more. You can eat yummy things here, too!! No boring bland diet food. Your only limited by your imagination.

Linda, this philosophy worked! Though not using a scale (except at the beginning to get a Spark calorie range), the clothes sizes kept going down. Try not using the scale this time.
How amazingly freeing is that?? No. More. Torture.

Honestly? I think you want to put it off because you fear it will be hard and torturous and awful. Well, of course it will be if you're doing it the same way you always have. What sane person wants hard, torturous & awful? No one that I know, so the good news here is you know you're sane. : ) You just need another approach.

You've heard of the definition of insanity: doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Visualize yourself succeeding....being able to move more freely...wear shorts w/ comfort in the warm weather...feeling healthier, happier & proud of yourself. It's all within your reach.
Weight is but one thing about us, but I know how it can color so much of our lives.

Never be disgusted w/ yourself unless it's for a better reason (like being unkind, bank robbing, etc.).

Lastly, look at all the people you've helped here...the people that commented on this thread as well as the many who read but do not comment. You are helping to bless simply by being here.

You can do it my friend!

LADYSTARWIND SparkPoints: (84,447)
Fitness Minutes: (66,284)
Posts: 5,052
7/23/13 10:06 P

If you want to link up with some wonderful people who are on the same journey as you, please check out the Spark Team: "150+ To Lose" If you read the July Chat on it, you will realize you are NOT the only one out there who has these challenges! This has to be your journey...but you don't have to experience it alone!!

SIMPLELIFE2 Posts: 707
7/23/13 3:15 P

Your next meal, your next snack, the next hour, the next minute is your next opportunity to make a better choice. Your time is now. Start.

BETHS60 Posts: 570
7/23/13 2:42 P

I am sorry you are having such a hard time.

Please remember that you are NOT your size. Even if you are larger than you would like, you still have value. You are not disgusting. You are human.

Even if you can't bring yourself to get started until September, you can prepare. Here are some ideas:
1. Forge relationships. Build friendships with people who will support you. Reach out. Nobody on Spark will judge you for your size. We all have to start where we are.
2. Establish a basis of healthy habits. It takes 21 days to develop a habit. There are about 6 weeks until September 1st, so even if you change 1 thing, and solidify that habit for 3 weeks, and then start another habit, you can have 2 good habits under your belt by September 1. I would suggest something fairly innocuous like drinking water, or getting enough sleep.
3. Establish a base-line. Start tracking what you are eating and weigh or measure yourself regularly. That way, when Sept.1 hits, you will have some idea what to focus on, and how the scale or tape measure reacts to small changes.
4. Try some new recipes. Scan spark or other sites for delicious, easy, healthy recipes. If you have a few foods that you know you will like and will fit into your plan, it may make the transition easier.
5. Practice changing your thought patterns. Try replacing negative thoughts with accurate ones. If you hear a voice in your head telling you that you are disgusting, make it SHUT UP! The best way to do that is to replace that thought with something that is objectively true, but positive. "I weigh more than I would like to, but I am 2 pounds lighter than I was last month." or "I walked 10 minutes longer today than I did yesterday. I am making progress." "I went over my calorie count today. It doesn't mean I am a pig, or a loser, or completely unworthy. It just means that I ate a little too much today. I was under my maximum yesterday and I walked a little extra today. It will be okay."

RENATARUNS SparkPoints: (4,367)
Fitness Minutes: (2,155)
Posts: 1,379
7/23/13 1:57 P

I believe the first step in positive change is let go of anger and disappointment about the past, and fear of the future. The one is impossible to change and the other is impossible to control. All you can control are your own decisions, right now and in every moment. Stay in the present. Do you want to do right by your body right now? Then do things right, right now, because now is what matters. Not September, not next year, now.

If your focus is on health and on being good to yourself, rather than on outward appearances or other more superficial things, then I think moderation starts to come more naturally. Being good to yourself doesnt' mean an extreme temporary fix for such a minor thing as weight loss, it means making the choices that will serve you well for the rest of your life. And remember also that all positive changes count, even if the scale doesn't budge an ounce. Stay focused on the process, stay focused on the doing and not on the result, and other things are easier to manage.

LSANGANGE SparkPoints: (10,484)
Fitness Minutes: (9,045)
Posts: 242
7/23/13 12:54 P

I said the same thing to myself last year. I was gonna do this and stop gaining weight and be able to go put on a bathing suit this year. That didnt happen.

But, I am here now. I figure the universe must have had a reason for me not to be motivated enough then to start my program. So I am just not going to worry about it and just look forward to tomorrow and my next workout.

Don't beat yourself up. Just get up and get moving.

FITGLAMGIRL Posts: 2,045
7/23/13 12:52 P

Sorry to hear you are struggling. I agree don't wait to September to start, get going. September is 6 weeks away and you can get some real progress in that time if you are really committed. What's really holding you back?

I know this is hard, but today is a great DAY to start! Best of luck!

GRACE1054 Posts: 605
7/23/13 12:27 P

If you came here for support now, why wait 2 months to start? I'd like to suggest that you buy yourself a copy of "The Spark" by Chris Downie. It is very enlightening and inspirational and motivational. It truly gives insight into the philosophy of SP and the importance of setting goals. But it also tells you how to set goals and what those goals need to be in order for you to be successful. There is also a 28 day challenge in the book that is a great way to get started or to re-motivate yourself if you have been doing the program for a while.
Use the resources on this site and come to the boards for daily support and, just as importantly, to give support.
We have all been where you are emotionally and that is the thing we all share. Whether you have 10 pounds to lose or 200 pounds to lose, this journey to health and fitness is all "between the ears". But it starts with 1 small step and you took that by coming and asking for help.

Ann emoticon

Edited by: GRACE1054 at: 7/23/2013 (12:28)
7/23/13 12:01 P

This was me, for years. I would get off to a really good start, then I would not have time to exercise one day, or I would go over my calorie range, and I would just fall to pieces. I knew my OCD, perfectionism, all-or-nothing mentality, whatever you want to call it, was really the only thing holding me back.

In mid-May, I dropped my sister off at the airport SUPER early in the morning. She was going to be in Mexico for 6 weeks, and I'd already decided that I wanted to work on my health goals while she was gone. On the way back, I stopped at this really nice park we used to go to all the time when we lived farther south than we do now, and it was CLOSED for renovation. I was devastated and not really sure what I was going to do for exercise that day... but I went to the grocery store instead and stocked up on healthy, whole, nutritious foods. I'd already picked some recipes I wanted to make out of the SP Cookbook. I invited my boyfriend and a friend of mine over for dinner, and we tried a few of the recipes, and LOVED them all. Well, when I tracked everything later, I realized I'd gone OVER my calorie range by 64 calories. I nearly decided to start over the next day like I ALWAYS do. Instead, I threw on some tennis shoes and drove to a park much closer to my house than the one I went to that morning. I walked for over an hour, just thinking about my goals and why I NEEDED to do this. And I realized that it didn't matter that I went over my calorie range. It's ONE day, and I had really focused on only eating when hungry (and as an emotional eater, that was a big deal). Basically, I focused on the positives of that day, such as finally cooking something from scratch (I hated to cook at the time), getting more freggies than I usually do, drinking all my water, etc. And I made the decision to NOT let my perfectionism get in my way this time.

Just over 2 months later, I've lost 25 lbs, I've conquered emotional eating, I've learned to love exercise, I've started a C25K program (I've always wanted to run!), I'm self-treating my depression by turning to exercise, rather than food, when I'm feeling down/angry/crying/whatever, and endless other things. I even wrote a blog post after the first month detailing many of the things I accomplished in just that first month. Yes, I've slipped up and missed a workout here and there, and I go over my calorie range probably more often than most. But I'm still losing, and I don't let the calories bug me so much anymore because I know those calories were eaten because I was hungry, and not because I was feeling bad or sorry for myself. And when I miss a workout, well, life happens, and tomorrow is a brand new day.

You CAN do this. You just have to make a conscious effort to not stand in your own way. Start now, don't wait 'til September. The other's are right, set a couple small goals for this week. It's really hard to completely change your lifestyle at once, baby steps are truly the way to go. emoticon

KIKIKINS23 Posts: 10
7/23/13 11:40 A

This was just what I needed to read. Don't wait until September; start as soon as possible with the water. Maybe walk up the stairs today.

I was sitting at work feeling sorry for myself for no particular reason (actually, there probably are reasons, I just have to figure it out), when I read the original post. Just the kick in the pants I needed.

You can do it; we all can! emoticon

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (200,007)
Fitness Minutes: (299,018)
Posts: 27,316
7/23/13 6:12 A

Hi, Linda !!

I've said this before and I'm going to say it again, if you need support, post on the forums. What I've seen of you in past is this. You do really well for a while, then something happens to get you down. Instead of coming to the forums for support, you let yourself fall into the abyss.

You need to stop this cycle. That's why I'm going to continue to encourage to post REGULARLY on the forums. Keep coming to Spark People. Log into your account. Blog on your page, post on the forums, reply to questions. Interact with the community. Don't isolate yourself. Isolating yourself is why you're failing.

You know you need support, keep reaching out every single day if you need that help. Don't up and disappear. The Spark Community is here to support you, but you've got to keep coming to the page.

Can you do that ? Can you make an effort to post on the forums at least once or twice a week ? If so, we can help you. You don't have to do this alone.

HAPPYMENOW58 Posts: 2,264
7/23/13 3:21 A

Hello...There is great advice here on this forum! I agree....Start NOW.......DON'T wait! Take baby steps.......There is no such thing as perfection......You can do it...Keep reading, sparking, moving, and SMILING! emoticon

COANNIE SparkPoints: (9,512)
Fitness Minutes: (9,064)
Posts: 241
7/22/13 10:58 A

Excellent advice. Don't wait until September, there is no reason. Start with the small steps. I think a lot of times, we talk and think about what we are going to do "someday", but don't actually take action, and it never happens. Nike was right- "Just Do It". Start today- drink your water. If you really love to plan things out, write yourself a schedule that you drink your water this week, then take a 10 minute walk each day next week. I like to write my stuff on a calendar as well as record it on SparkPeople. Do whatever you need to do to stay motivated.

The hardest part is starting, so take a deep breath and start. Don't let another year or outside circumstances stop you from doing what you want to do for yourself, and don't let your "all or nothing" personality stop you either. "Good enough" that is actually done is better than "perfection" that isn't even started.


KNIBARG SparkPoints: (14,083)
Fitness Minutes: (13,637)
Posts: 246
7/22/13 8:28 A

I agree with the advice from the last poster. You say you want to start in September, but I think what you need to do NOW is start setting some goals. For example, you might strive to drink 2 glasses of water a day. Once you have mastered that, add two more - continue that process until you make it to 8 a day. Then add in healthy breakfast. Focus on eating a healthy breakfast with lean protein, fruit, and whole grains. Work on mastering that. Then add in a healthy snack. The goal here is to stair step - once you have a healthy choice become a part of our routine, it is easier to really make it a part of the new you. One healthy choice at a time will help you to meet your goals - don't allow yourself to become overwhelmed by trying to do too much at once.

JAZZ_MYNN SparkPoints: (281)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 22
7/22/13 7:49 A

Hi Linda,

Thanks for sharing this. I’m sure many people feel this way, but not everybody is honest enough to admit it. The “all or nothing” mentality is absolutely the same for me. I have to prep myself to prep myself to start prepping myself for a lifestyle change, instead of just DOING it. By the time I come around to it, I realize that I wasted 3 months prepping when I could have been a third of my way to my goal. A couple things I do to help: 1. I never call myself a loser. Just because I have failed (miserably) at my weight loss challenge, it doesn’t mean I am a complete failure. I am a great mother, a hard worker, an excellent student, a trusted friend, and many other things. I also remind myself that going through a drastic lifestyle change while working full time, raising a family, and going to school will have its setbacks. What things in your life account for your inability to lose weight? I’m sure there are many. 2. Every Monday is a “start fresh” day for me. If you falter, try again on Monday. Clearly, we have the same “OCD” personality about starting a diet in the middle of the week or month or year. I also like to keep things nice and organized. But we cannot wait 3 months just so we can begin at the new quarter of the year. We really need to get going now. I step on the scale and look at my weight (100lbs heavier than I was 3 years ago. Long, sad, sad story.) and I let that disgust and rage launch me into action. So far, I have been working on just eating right. I am no longer jumping into a diet/workout routine all at once. There are too many points of failure for me that way. I have spent the last couple of weeks cutting out junk food and drinking more water. I have probably lost weight already, but I have not bothered to check because that is not my goal right now. Starting today, I am slowly going to be incorporating exercise. 30-45 minutes a day for this week, then upping it to 1hr/day, then finally 1.5/day. For people like us, if we take on too much at once and fail, we will just sit in our misery for half a year before we get motivated again. It’s best to start slow and steady. I’d rather spend a month slowly getting myself together, than spend 6 months just thinking about it and never doing anything. Today is Monday! Start now and don’t wait, if you can. I’m in the same boat and so are many others. Good luck!!

LINDAANNB1 Posts: 519
7/22/13 7:23 A

Summer is here once again and once again I am mad and disgusted with myself.
This time last year I remember saying next year is going to be different, I will not go through another year being this fat, self conscious, feeling ugly, feeling rotten etc .... well guess what, another year has come and gone and here I am again, pretty much weighing exactly what I weighed last summer.
I had lost weight last winter into spring, about 20 lbs. but I gained it all back.
All I can think about when I am out is wow, I am the biggest person here, or will I fit into that chair(and not break it), I wonder what people must be thinking when they see me. I won' t eat much in front of others when I go out because I feel people are watching my every bite. Look out when I get home though.
I have plans come September to start again, I know why wait until then, I 've asked myself the same question many times. I am still having trouble with my all or nothing mentality.
I would really like to learn how to get started, stay motivated and just do this and lose the all or nothing mentality that is holding me back.

I have been given great advice many times and I guess I do know what I need to do, I just need to do it.
Hopefully this will be the year that I turn my life around for the better.

Edited by: LINDAANNB1 at: 7/22/2013 (07:26)
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