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JAMIRBLAZE Posts: 1,804
10/28/13 3:38 P

I'm about 5lbs off what was my initial goal (it still is, but I'm focused more on body comp/fitness at this point), and I'm still on the higher range of a healthy BMI for my height. I'm usually somewhere in the 4-6 size range. Ten-fifteen pounds ago, my mother said that I looked anorexic, my dad calls me too skinny, my sister says nothing and the VP over my boss asked my boss if I'm okay. Friends are a mixed bag but are mostly supportive (in part because I don't talk about weight loss or fitness much unless it comes up). Oi!

I mostly ignore most of it, but I went for my annual exam in mid-August, and being able to repeat that my doctor said that I'm at a healthy weight, but could lose a little more if I wanted to, has mostly shut people up. I let most of the rest of it not bother me.

10/28/13 3:26 P

I am 4kg outside the heavy side of the 'normal' BMI range. I think smack in the middle should be exactly right for me. And already people are telling me to stop.
The good thing is that I am VERY good at tuning those opinions out. Happily and politely. It infuriates them.
Keep your sense of humor and just have fun.

10/28/13 3:07 P

Wow - jealousy is the ugliest trait. I guess I'm pretty in your face and blunt about things if people keep up negative comments. Sometimes putting people in their place will make them take a step back and look at their own actions/comments. I'd ask them what they have against a healthy lifestyle. I'd point out to them that you are within a healthy BMI range for your height/weight and then ask THEM if THEY are in a the healthy BMI range - most likely NOT!

I'd also point out to them that everyone else in your life is giving you positive feedback and encouraging you - whereas as family they are the only ones being rude/mean/negative. Let them think about that for a bit. Just because they are family doesn't give them the right to say nasty things just because they can't achieve, won't achieve, or are afraid to achieve what you have! Congrats to you!

Edited by: WHIMSICALSPRITE at: 10/28/2013 (15:10)
LADYCJM SparkPoints: (57,456)
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Posts: 2,545
10/28/13 3:01 P

Just wondering, by any chance are you the youngest sibling/cousin/grandchild?

From everything you have posted, I would quit trying to get them to understand. Try to change the focus of the relationship/conversation. You have mentioned in other posts that you have been doing a lot of remodeling for family. Try changing the conversation to remodeling projects, books read, current news anything other then your weight/diet.

Or you can be a snarky lil b&$%^ like me and turn the tables. "Oh, your going to eat THAT?"
"Don't you think you are getting a little too fat around the middle?" "Hmmm, you aren't exercising AT ALL, are you?"

SUZIEQUE77 SparkPoints: (9,271)
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10/28/13 1:17 P

A lot of people are suggesting that you get a check up from your doctor to prove to your family you are healthy. If you posted your weight and height correctly then there is absolutely no reason to have to pay the money for an otherwise unnecessary doctor visit to "prove" you are healthy. I stick by my advice to either ignore their negativity, or explain yourself briefly, show them a height/weight chart if needed, even step on the scale in front of them, but don't go to the doctor just to prove this to somebody.

Edited by: SUZIEQUE77 at: 10/28/2013 (13:18)
BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (108,021)
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Posts: 2,954
10/28/13 8:45 A

How about a check up with the doctor and then take the results to your family.

LEC358 SparkPoints: (11,135)
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Posts: 2,744
10/28/13 8:18 A

The previous poster who mentioned jealousy as a factor is probably on to something. Your family sees you pushing yourself to be better and more competitive and might be jealous of this drive that somehow you got and they didn't. I saw it a lot in college because I went to a *very* high level college where it seemed like everybody was amazing at something and the people who were the most unhappy were the ones who never realized that even the guy who has all the friends and is at the top of the class was still dealing with the fallout from his parents' divorce.

Basically, my theory is that your family sees your success without really seeing the struggles that you go through to get there and that makes them jealous.

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,968
10/28/13 7:46 A

Thanks for the comments everyone! Really helps.

When coming out here to my sister's house I thought about not weighing my food in front of everyone, however, though I'm to the point I'm pretty good at estimating as well, I'm just 2.5 lbs over my initial goal and I am very EXCITED and MOTIVATED to hit my goal, so decided oh well, I'm going to do what I need to do for now. My sister cooks a lot and to avoid questioning her about what's in the food, I estimate those meals. So the ones I have on my own, I measure.

What's funny is my family are the only people that are down on me about it. I don't want to make it sound like they pick on me all the time, they're not that bad, but still. I was going to a kettlebells class twice week before coming out here and several of the people in that class have remarked I look great, am very fit, and whatnot. And I'm not really good friends with them and didn't ask their opinion so they weren't saying it to be nice or patronize me.

So it's kind of weird, I don't know where this negativity from my family is coming from.

SUZIEQUE77 SparkPoints: (9,271)
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Posts: 1,068
10/28/13 7:19 A

When I read your initial post, I was thinking you were probably talking about it too much, or "celebrating" your losses, but after reading more, it does not sound like you are doing that. You are at a healthy weight and I'm in the same height and weight range myself.

People don't really tell me that I'm "too skinny." One reason may be because I'm not skinny, athletic, or muscular, but I'm thin, about a size 3 or 5, and do look good for age 54, I think. But I do get snarky skinny comments sometimes. For one thing, I'm often cold when those around me seem to be comfortable. I'm told to eat a bologna sandwich.

I do not usually weigh or measure food in front of people but do it as often as I can when nobody is watching me prepare my food. I have gotten pretty good at estimating portions after this many years and I just know how people are. Some will still ask me why I'm "dieting." But I usually take as much time as needed to repeat to people that I once weighed over 200 lbs and I'm not dieting, but I know I need to control my portions and watch what I eat in order to keep that weight off. I would say most people including my family don't pay that much attention to what I do, or what I eat so I don't feel I have any real problem with snarky or somewhat negative remarks.

My only advice is keep doing what you are doing, and ignore their comments, other than maybe showing them or explaining that you are right within the healthy range for your height so they don't need to worry about you getting too thin as you are taking a scientific and healthy approach to maintaining a healthy weight.

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,968
10/28/13 6:54 A

Thanks, I have already spoken with them one at a time... But they believe what they want, really, don't think it really helped/helps.

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (250,105)
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10/28/13 2:52 A

Years ago when I was going to lots of appointments at the hospital, because I had a lot of 'problem heart' symptoms along with very high cholesterol, the Specialist I was seeing said to lose weight because he thought that might have been the cause. (I wasn't THAT heavy back then, either - LOL!) Anyway, I told him I always ate real healthy and didn't over-eat, but always got very bloated during the day and my weight increased quite a few lbs during the course of that day. I decided to turn my analytical mind to work and figure out why. Well, I then remembered that my Mum told me that when I was a baby I couldn't have cows milk because I would come out in bad hives. I decided to see if that was the problem. I would always measure myself first thing after getting up in the a.m. (and after the loo), and then 1/2 hr after breakfast. I would gain a considerable amount in the time, MOST of the time. Then I started to remove the milk (from my cup of tea, so not much) and measure. All the times there was NO milk, the measurements barely went up. I took this spreadsheet to the Specialist after a couple months, and told him what I had done. We covered up what I had eaten, and going by my measurements, he guessed EVERY TIME when I had consumed milk - LOL! He was very impressed and suggested I would be good in medical research - LOL! Anyway, it sounds like in that respect we are those two peas in a pod emoticon

Now, WHY DON'T you sit and talk with your family - maybe not all, but one here, and another there, and tell them about your goals re the athletics, etc. Tell them what you are wanting to achieve, and how you plan to do it. That might actually remove some of their fears. It may be that they think you are wanting to lose weight for the sake of it. Along with a couple of those printouts re body fat, I would hope that they would then become supportive of you rather than critical.

Good luck,

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,968
10/28/13 2:35 A

Hahahaaa I keep a daily spreadsheet in Excel too... with line charts... LOL!!!!!!!!! I think it's kind of fun/neat actually. Like I'm my own science experiment. But as I've heard here on Sparkpeople about weightloss, we are all experiments of 1... I actually get excited to weigh myself in the morning, not only to see progress but also to add to my little chart. HAHAHA what a nerd, right??

I don't talk about my fitness or sports activity to my family on the whole. It's just strange doing that because sometimes I'll lose a pound, or whatever, and be so excited about it but not able to say a thing about it to them, almost like I'm hiding something that I'm weighing myself at all. I post it to Sparkpeople though, and tell my friends via messages on Facebook, so that gets some of it out of the way. I don't talk about my goal weight to my family, that I'm even trying to lose weight, that I'm running an X.X minute mile or how many miles per week. It's like that side of me doesn't exist around them, and it's so weird, because it's one of my passions in life and all my friends know that, too. Kind of bums me out if I think about it, so I just don't think about it, I guess. I just talk to them about other things.

When they make the negative comments to me it's unwarranted, like I don't ask them how I look or how they think I should eat or anything like that. Frankly, I dislike it also because in a way it's like they treat me like I'm five years old and can't manage my own food, health or whatever and that gets old.

To be totally honest I did used to be OCD about my weight and sports, but literally that was like 20 years ago, but maybe they just haven't forgotten about that. My sister's husband wasn't even around back then though.... so...

Really I think the average person DOES eat unhealthfully and so it's maybe odd to see someone not join in on the constant snacking and eating that goes on, and for someone to strive to be super-fit, even at an 'older' age. But when you think about it, eating "whatever, whenever" is not really a healthy way to live. I agree with enjoying yourself sometimes but not all the time and I think that's why much of America does end up overweight or obese.

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (250,105)
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10/28/13 2:12 A

I understand you 'scientific approach' because that is how I approach most things. I too have been accursed of being OCD, but I take please in telling those who do that, that I most definitely AM NOT OCD - my late husband was - I have an Obsessive Personality Trait, and I am very proud of it. THAT is why I find it really easy to weigh/measure my food and use the nutrition tracker, and why I keep a daily spreadsheet re calories, etc. in Excel - LOL!

I guess when you are out on your own, more, your family will back off to a degree. Below is a Body Fat Guideline Chart you could print off to leave around for your family to read. You could just happen to leave a note saying what your aim is - it is still in that healthy range.


TRI_BABE Posts: 2,968
10/28/13 1:52 A

I use a step-on weight and bioimpedence bodyfat scale. I weigh myself at the same time (first thing in the morning) daily and keep a running 7-day average of my weight and bodyfat. I have compared this 7-day average of the bioimpendence measurements to hydrostatic underwater weighing to measure bodyfat on 3 separate occasions in the past. Each time it has come within 1% of hydrostatic weighing, which most consider the gold standard of bodyfat testing

I've got a background as an engineer, in case you couldn't tell, haha.

Anyway, right now the 7-day average is reading at 21.2%. From what I see in the mirror, I think it is accurate. My goal is what I was at for years, 16-17% bodyfat, which is normal for an athlete.

I could try to explain this to my family, but they just don't get it and the more I would try to explain it to them, the more 'evidence' they get that I am OCD (but, you have to be very dedicated to get your bodyfat in the teens and perform at a high level no matter what sport you are involved in).

And on that note, @LadyCJM, my family isn't fat, they are about average (I know many people say average in the USA is fat, but they are average/not-fat if that makes any sense). However, I have always been a high level athlete, and they just don't get it and aren't supportive of it, and never really have been.

There are a lot of worse things that I could be doing. LOL.

I have actually had to stay with them while I transition to a new location and a new job. I think things will be better when I'm more "on my own" if that makes any sense.

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (250,105)
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10/28/13 12:53 A

Have you thought about getting your body fat % measured ? (with the 9-point skin-fold caliper test which is done by a person qualified to do it. They should be able to do that at a Gym. That might be a better gauge, and no doubt it would come back that you can tell your family you have hard proof that you aren't too thin.


LADYCJM SparkPoints: (57,456)
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10/28/13 12:26 A

Something that I have noticed is that if most of your family is fat than they see normal as abnormal. If eating 3 large meals and 3 large snacks a day is normal in your family then eating 3 normal meals and a couple of normal snacks is abnormal.
It doesn't have to make sense, it just is.

I weigh 145#s and I'm 5'6". Normal weight for that height. My extended family says I'm too thin. They are used to seeing me at 180+ pounds.

I have found that not talking diet/exercise is the best thing to do. I believe they want to be supportive but don't know how. The thin people in my family don't comment on my weight loss but the overweight people are "worried" about me.

If your sister is fat than her husband has no option but to say you are too thin...think about it. If he says you look great than she is fat. He can't win. And better to have you mad than her!

Keep exercising, eat healthy, and be proud. Keep looking for support here, with your face book friends and within the local running community if you can.

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,968
10/28/13 12:18 A

@Slimmerkiwi, I pretty much never go below 1250 calories. If my nutrition tracker says less than that, it's because it's incomplete, such as we went out to eat and so I don't know what the calories were. I normally track everything, everyday but I am traveling and staying with relatives at the moment so just do the best I can with estimation for now. Also, my energy is fine!

And yeah some football players can run fast, but you don't see champion distance runners looking like football players... LOL

Edited by: TRI_BABE at: 10/28/2013 (00:20)
JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (575,414)
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10/27/13 11:57 P

Jealously does have a green color!!!! LOL!!! Don't worry about it.

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,446
10/27/13 9:23 P

Do what feels healthy to you and discuss it with your doctor if you have doubts.
It takes people a while to get accustomed to seeing change...
I have also heard that people who have lost weight have more efficient metabolisms so they have to be more diligent than someone who has never had a weight issue.


SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (250,105)
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Posts: 26,956
10/27/13 8:53 P

I also suggest that you mention this to your Dr. Be guided by him/her. Your Dr may want to do some bloods to ensure that you have a good balance going on there. If he/she tells you you are doing fine, then just tell the others who mention it to you that you have discussed this with your Dr and were given the o.k.

I think I must point out, (as a former runner (sprinting) myself) you don't NEED to be light! I was very competitive and often came first. All you need do is look at Football players. Many of them are quite big, but MAN, can they run! Look at some of the NZ Ruby Players 0 110+ kg (roughly 240lb) and they have fantastic speed and stamina.

I can understand your family's concern after having peeked at your Nutrition Tracker. Most days you had bare minimum calories, and at times if you entered it all - well under (939 cal's on 24th). If they are noticing a lack of fruit/veges and some of the very small meals, and then some of what you nibble on for snacks, I think they may be getting the 'under-eating' signal. Altho' many days you had a good protein intake, there were a few where that, (and a couple times where the fat) was quite low. Try to ensure that you get plenty of lean protein, and also incorporate more fruit/veges. You will be surprised how much more energy that gives you.

Take care,

ERINTFG SparkPoints: (45,448)
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10/27/13 5:38 P

next time you go to the doctor, check to make sure you're healthy. I'm NOT questioning that you are. But if you have that convo with your doc, then the next time someone says something to you you can say, "I spoke with Dr. So and so, and she said that I am healthy and at a good weight for my height."

I've had naysayers too, not about my weight, but about other things with my health, and "my doctor said" is one of the few ways I've found to shut them up, aside from telling them to just shut up, which doesn't generally promote peaceful family gatherings.

And, I should say, that at nearly 20 pounds to my goal weight, still technically in the "overweight" BMI zone for my height, I've had a few people tell me that I look great and should stop worrying so much about how I eat. So it does make me wonder what it'll be like when I get closer to my actual goal.

TACDGB Posts: 6,136
10/27/13 5:31 P

I hear ya........I am 5 ft 3 and I wear a size 0/1. I have people all the time tell me that I am too skinny. My personal truth is I am doing this for my health. I figure it's my body God gave it to me so I get to decide what it looks like. So if people have issues with it they can just get some tissues and deal with their issues about it.

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,968
10/27/13 12:03 P

Hey all, first of all I'll start by saying I'm only around 2-2.5 lbs away from my off-season weight goal! I re-set my ticker, but at this point I've lost around 40 lbs since my highest weight. It's taken a long time.

However, my family hasn't said anything about my weight loss unless it's negative. My sister's husband has said I am "too thin" and have lost weight noticeably like it's a bad thing. My Mom yesterday commented that I should be eating more. My sister hasn't said a thing about my weight loss.

My off-season goal weight is 124 and at 5 ft 3 that puts me in the middle of the healthy weight and BMI range for my height. I think I look good! I am a runner and want my race weight to be 5-8 lbs less in racing season (my profile pic is of me at race weight in 2007), but even that is still in the healthy range. I've had a foot injury so am not exercising right now, so have been eating 1250-1300 calories a day.

I am not going to let it stop me from reaching my goal, but can find it discouraging. What are some strategies for dealing with this? I feel like I can't really talk to them about it since they only see one way and me talking about it brings up more negative comments or looks. Maybe I look OCD to them because I weigh what I eat and don't snack all the time as they do. They aren't supportive about my exercising either.

I don't live near friends so have resorted to trying to tune out the negative messages, and accessing support from a few friends through Facebook and trying to post on SparkPeople.

Edited by: TRI_BABE at: 10/27/2013 (12:04)
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