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-POLEDANCEGIRL- Posts: 14,826
12/27/11 2:18 P

1. BMB is spot on!!! I fought with my DH for a long time. I gave up the fight. i keep doing my thing and have healthy foods. He is finally coming around (after 3+ years)

2. Sex..... let me explain. Dont hold out!!!!!!!! but when you work out together, get frisky. This shows that you like to be together and be active. To me, it is a total turn on to workout together.

KMAKAHIKM SparkPoints: (0)
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12/21/11 10:06 A


FSJR66 SparkPoints: (4,563)
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12/20/11 11:38 A

Have healthy food options on hand. I put out veggie sticks (with dip) and grapes for my kids when they come home from school. They devour them and forget to ask for unhealthy snacks like chips and snack bars. It won't help get him to start working out, but at least he'll be eating some healthy food.

Good Luck!

MOTIVATED@LAST Posts: 15,459
12/8/11 7:34 A

+1 on BMB's comments.

Talk to him (once) about your concerns for his health. But don't bring it up again - more than that becomes nagging, and that's a definite demotivator as far as guys are concerned.

Definitely the best thing you can do is lead by example.


12/6/11 10:02 A

If all else fails,....start dating other guys,.....a surefire way to mget him going.....or not.

MANDALORE Posts: 1,251
12/5/11 10:36 A

yes lead by example, don't push him, that will push him away, when he sees you are happy and doing well he may want to see what that is all about!

JOHNNYP12 Posts: 71
11/30/11 7:16 P

My sister scared me too. She told me I have periodontal disease after looking at my x-rays and before she cleaned my teeth, but I'm in the early stages. I guess it depends on how far along in the disease stage? I'm 25. Then again I don't floss and brushing isn't done 2x or 3x a day, but I try. I'm sure his dentist told him the same thing my sister said, and that's to maintain the bone level by regular brushing and flossing. Perio disease isn't reversible but the bone level can be maintained and that's how you keep your teeth longer.
You are the opposite of me... my now ex-girlfriend gained like 50lbs and I lost all attraction. I tried everything to make her lose it: I suggested to run with her, I forced to not eat out as much, but because we were together for 5 years she was also comfortable and didn't feel a need to loose pounds. I couldn't tell her she's fat but when she told me I didn't get offended, it pushed me instead. Now we broke up and she lost all the weight while I kept the weight gained. You really can't control other people.

Edited by: JOHNNYP12 at: 12/2/2011 (00:21)
RGRJOE175 Posts: 469
11/8/11 3:06 P

3 facts of life, death, taxes and you can't control other people.

Brewmasterbill's advice is spot on.

BREWMASTERBILL SparkPoints: (31,088)
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11/8/11 1:59 P

I'm not sure how to respond, exactly. What can we do to help?

KARA2126 SparkPoints: (0)
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11/8/11 1:48 P


Edited by: KARA2126 at: 11/8/2011 (18:09)
FITCHALLENGER SparkPoints: (0)
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11/8/11 1:26 P

Agree with BMB. You just can't.

Lead by example and MAYBE he'll follow.

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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11/8/11 12:51 P

Was he ever healthy or fit/active?

Sounds like he should look into some depression issues, the way you describe him. Very unusual in my opinion for a guy that age to act the way you're describing him.

KARA2126 SparkPoints: (0)
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11/8/11 12:02 P

Thanks guys!
I'll do my best to stay positive! It's just I'm really worried his mom died when he was 12 and his dad didn't raise him to be active or anything, gave him 'breaks' from doing chores so now when we go rollerblading once a month (for him) all he wants to do is take a break or he will tell me an excuse of why he doesn't want to do something and I go off on my own. He loves video games,he will sit at the computer all day and never stop until he's tired of playing it, besides his full time job that is his life. There is so much more to life than that and it goes beyond having time to relax. Maybe after a few months of him seeing me still working out, he do something. It's not just that he hasn't gone to the dentist since he moved out of his parents house back in 2007, I just got him to go this year and he told me he has periodontal disease, I was soo upset I cried, you know hes only 23 years old and he doesn't care to take care of himself.

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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11/8/11 10:38 A

BMB's advice is perfect.

He needs to find the motivation in himself. All that you can do is be a good role model, resist potentially negative backlash, and encourage the efforts.

His motivation will be his own, when he's ready. Mine was when I went to the doctor for my annual physical after I turned 40. I never got very heavy (highest ever weight is 188, and I'm 5'11"), but was not in any kind of physical shape. i'd let myself go for about 10 years after being pretty active in my 20's, and figured I could always just turn back on the switch and get moving again.

At my physical, my BP had spiked- not high, but higher than it had been. My doctor did a little "scared straight" w/ me- get moving a bit or get on meds in a few years or sooner. I got moving. I feel great 25 pounds later, and am running and lifting, along with a far healthier nutritional intake.

Hopefully he'll have a wake-up call like that, w/o going through worse.

I know some friends who are similar age to me, and already on high blood pressure medication. A guy I know is nearing 50, and has done nothing about his own health even though his father died at age 50- my friend is large and not physically active at all. You'd think that his awareness of family medical history might be motivational, but it isn't.

I hope you can help steer your BF toward the lifestyle change he needs. Good luck!

TURTLESDOVE Posts: 1,067
11/8/11 9:32 A

Ditto everything Bill just said. My 1st grade teachers always said, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink!" How true that statement is! Good luck to you!!

BREWMASTERBILL SparkPoints: (31,088)
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11/8/11 7:28 A

You can't. And if you bother him, he'll throw your attempts into the nag category and tune you out. You've been with him for 5 years and expect to flip a switch or something?

In my opinion, the best thing you can do is lead by example. When he's going out for pizza, you hit the gym. When he offers you some chips, say no thanks and grab an apple. I wouldn't be snooty or snide about it either, just make it clear (through your actions) that you're no longer going down that path. Inevitably he'll probably ask 'why'. At this point, I would take a really positive tone with him. Something like ...

"You know, I've really been feeling like crap for a long time. I finally decided to do something about it. I've been making some better food choices and getting a few minutes in at the gym and I feel A LOT better. I know you're not into this sort of thing, but if it sparks your interest, it'd be really cool if you joined me". And leave it at that.

With all of that being said, expect some rocky times ahead. There is a good possibility he'll be negative towards your efforts and probably poke fun at you a bit. Push through it. I wish you luck.

KARA2126 SparkPoints: (0)
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11/7/11 10:08 P

Ive been with my bf for 5 years. He is not into physical activity what so ever. He a homebody for sure. He is 5'9 and weighs 220's. He doesn't care what he eats or how if affects his health. How can I get him to care about eating healthy and working out before he becomes diabetic or has his first heart attack?

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