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SALADROCKS120 SparkPoints: (0)
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12/17/11 2:05 P

Unfortunately that is the truth....We are human and we are visual creatures and the realization goes both 199 lbs I am invisible to men....I hope I become visible soon LOL!!

Edited by: SALADROCKS120 at: 12/17/2011 (14:06)
FITCHALLENGER SparkPoints: (0)
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12/7/11 10:03 A

I've been married for a few years and I am not dating anyone (except my wife : ) ) BUT I will say this:

After losing 60 lbs in little less than 5 months, I've been able to notice some huge differences in the way women treat a fat vs fit guy. At 250 lbs I was invisible to women, but now at a leaner 190 I am noticeable, and you can see it in the way women look and smile at you. (On a side note, it does make you feel good about yourself, right until your wife notices it and then it becomes an awkward situation emoticon ; she said last time, "I always knew you were handsome, other women are just starting to notice it". Now that's got to be confidence! ).

So from someone who evolved from fat to fit in a very short time I definitely say yes, MOST women seem to prefer a fit guy, at least on first sight.

12/4/11 9:29 P

I mostly agree with butterfli on this one, my husband and I both gained about 40 lbs in the last few years during my two pregnancies and are currently trying to lose it. We both want to be healthy for our children and to be able to stay active and healthy as we get older. However, I know some women who prefer unfit men for the following reasons:

A former coworker preferred men who were less attractive than her. She thought she was not very attractive because she was slightly overweight and would only date men who were more overweight as her because she was afraid a better looking/thinner man would not really be happy with her and would want a more attractive woman and leave her as soon as he found one.

Another lady I know is fat and happy to stay that way. She is also very sedentary. She likes big men because she wants someone to share her lifestyle and interests, which in no way involves anything to do with being fit. In her words, "I don't need anyone harping on me about my weight. I know I'm fat and I don't care. I like eating and I hate exercise and I'm not going to change for anybody." (or something along those lines anyway) She ended up marrying a big man and they both seem happy together.

Edited by: SPARKLYJADE at: 12/4/2011 (21:31)
ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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12/3/11 2:48 P

There we have it- finally, an honest answer. Thanks Butterfli!

12/3/11 2:08 P

I want a healthy guy. He doesn't have to have six pack abs, or be able to run a marathon. But I certainly don't want to see him eating greasy pizza and fast food every day while never getting off the couch. I just need him to be aware of his health and know how to maintain it. A few pounds overweight would be okay, and by few I mean no more than 15lbs from his ideal weight. I apply the same standard to myself. I believe everyone wants to be with someone healthy so they can share a long life together. So if healthy = fit, then my answer is yes. But if fit = ironman, my answer is no.

Edited by: BUTTERFLIBEAUTY at: 12/3/2011 (14:13)
MANDALORE Posts: 1,251
12/2/11 9:07 A

I think it is different for everyone, men and women, some want you fit some healthy, some just want your wallet thick and healthy, but really it depends on the source!

HELENUK100 Posts: 107
12/2/11 7:24 A

In my mind there's a big difference between healthy and fit. I want a man who's active - but isnt obsessed about how his body looks or being a certain weight.

My man plays rugby (American football without the padding ;)) and the strength and physicality he has from that is a huge turn on. However, others might look at him and say he doesnt look healthy or fit - because he's very broad shouldered and chested - but I'd like to see a lot of men half his size do what he does on a weekly basis :)

A man who doesnt excercise or stay healthy wouldnt be a turn off specifically - but if a man is then it's definitely a turn on. I do have to say though that after very bad past experiences I couldnt be with a man who was morbidly obese - cuddly and well built yes - but anything over 300lbs would be a massive turn off. I say that knowing that currently my weight and height puts me into the morbidly obese category - but men have the choice to like me or walk on by - acknowledging what turns us on or off isnt shallow - it's honest. I go on a first date with a man because I find them attractive - I keep seeing them if I like them as a person.

VOGSTER SparkPoints: (0)
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12/1/11 10:24 P

Well, this was an interesting read while I sat with my whitening strips on my teeth! Superficial -perhaps but I can tell you I can be very attracted to a man from a distance and become physically flushed upon his approach but the minute he smiles or opens his mouth to say hello and I see that he has terrible teeth - I head the other direction. My biggest turn on is a great kisser and the thought of languishing on a mouth that is less than ....well you get the picture and bad breath that is a deal breaker. Other than that make me laugh....and I'll rub your back any day! Again, the teeth and the laugh go hand in hand. So LOL emoticon

12/1/11 7:49 P

Interesting that guys are even posting on this topic. I am a firm believer in confidence. I once went up to one of the most beautiful women I have every seen. she was standing with 4 other women and really they were all beautiful. I asked her if she cared to dance, We were at a country bar,she stepped back looked me up and down and i dont think so. I looked at her and said,,You know next time you shouldnt be so picky, I wasnt. I tipped my hat and started to walk away. One of the ladies in the group a 6'0 red head grabbed me and said lets dance. I married her.

EXOTEC Posts: 3,327
12/1/11 6:05 P

I don't have any magic insight for how every or average or other women feel... but for myself, no. Do I want to LOOK at healthy, fit, men? Heck yeah!


But, to be honest, the ones who attract my eye make me a bit nervous in relationships. After all, if I'm looking, so are lots of other people!

I want personality and compatibility. I know that seems cliche, but who you are is more stable than what you are. Usually.

I like men who are comfortable and secure in themselves without letting it overflow into cockiness. I like men who have a sense of humor that extends to themselves and their foibles! I need intelligence and curiosity - openmindedness and a willingness if not eagerness to explore ideas not exclusively their own.

Who he is is so much more important than what his current (and I emphasize current, since that's always subject to change) look may be. One of the most interesting men I've ever encountered in a semi-social environment was a coworker who HAD to have weighed upwards of 300 lbs, absolutely not tone or fit, but would compose hilarious, spontaneous, off-the-cuff songs to the tune of well-known themes. One about the profession set to "The Addams Family" comes immediately to mind ... after nearly 20 years! He was a great person to be around. And married, which kept things strictly professional. But the look wouldn't have put me off a bit if he hadn't been unavailable!


SARAHO228 SparkPoints: (21,029)
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8/24/11 12:59 P

If I was 20 years old. Yes. Hot fit men only. I am 34 though. So the answer is no. Live and learn.

Edited by: SARAHO228 at: 8/24/2011 (13:27)
8/15/11 3:10 P

My preference has always been a guy with a bit of a belly. However, my general concern is someone who can keep up with me. I like a guy who is fit enough to go on a long hike. (Medical conditions aside... if he has a bad knee or something, that isn't going to make me dislike him.) I don't have a perfect body. I can't request that of someone else.

As far as a body builder type frame..... I'm not going to throw him out of bed or anything. Let's not be silly. However, that type of frame is not my thing.

Personality is more important than looks for me; and I really think for most women. I always say brains are sexier than nice abs.

TURTLESDOVE Posts: 1,067
8/11/11 12:07 P

The biggest thing that turns me OFF is a cocky man. Give me a down to earth humble guy any day of the week. A guy who is handsome but does not have a big head, now that's the guy for me.

I know a guy just like that. Oh, yeah, it's my husband. LOL!!

Edited by: TURTLESDOVE at: 8/15/2011 (20:16)
JOJOSHOME SparkPoints: (0)
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8/10/11 9:41 P

Nope are wrong!! The first thing I notice about any man is how he is dressed, by that I mean are his clothes clean, hair washed and combed, no more than a day old stubble. In other words his personal hygiene, I don't care the style though I must say I am a jeans and T-shirt kinda gal. The second thing I notice is his face and do his eyes smile when he smiles. I really don't give that much though to the rest of him. As for nice guy part I will take that any day and every time. As for attractive women with jerks? You bet, but I have seen an equal number of very attractive women with average looking guys and some down right ugly guys. I have also seen average women dating jerks as well as average women dating very attractive guys.
As for me the guy that rocked my world he was 6ft, about 20lbs overweight, bald, a "farmers tan" a big set of hands and had a smile that made me melt. It took a few days for me to even notice he had some tattoos on his legs. And as for the previous poster, it is not only the "equipment" that a guy has but how well he uses it and how much he pays attention.

So as for your stereotyping it is all wet.

Edited by: JOJOSHOME at: 8/10/2011 (21:42)
SORCHA89 Posts: 587
8/10/11 8:53 A

I really don't want to be inappropriate or XXX people, just here me out.

I think women want a fit man so that they can be pleased well....VERY well...and good cardiovascular health and overall strength is extremely important! Especially if that woman has the flexibility of a gymnast!!!

But also, a fit man shows he can take care of himself, without someone nagging him about eating too many French Fries or walking the dog!!!

8/10/11 8:41 A

Nope, When i met my BF he was big etc but didnt pay any attention, i remember it very well; we just mucked about and had fun, i didn't think oh hes nice looking or anything, wasn't even looking for a BF just to have fun and we did. First thing i said to my friend at the time was he seems nice. Looks of course come into a relationship but I thought about this later on.

My BF is also awesome. :D xxx

MRAGGRO SparkPoints: (0)
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8/10/11 6:50 A

To all the women responding about how they want nice, sensitive kind men, I have this to say. The first sense with which you judge a man is sight, you see him as he approaches you (that's right, he approaches you, try to remember that). The second sense is sound; you hear his voice as he speaks to you. From there you can begin to interpret his words and after that you can glean bits of his personality.

The point is, regardless of what you want to think you're looking for in a man, you're still judging us based on sight for the initial first impression. Besides, for the most part that "nice guy" stuff y'all say you want is pretty much meaningless, since the most attractive girls are typically found with the biggest jerks.

Edited by: MRAGGRO at: 8/10/2011 (06:56)
EVLINBOULET SparkPoints: (0)
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8/10/11 5:20 A

I like the way you think, pretty much got the pin on the donkeys tail with that one. :)

EVLINBOULET SparkPoints: (0)
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8/10/11 5:17 A

Mraggro, I believe you're wrong. I myself am a pretty woman, but I don't go for the jock with huge muscles who get all the women. I go for the quiet kind man. I'd rather have a sweet heart, than to have some over-cocky man who would date his muscles if it had reproductive organs. I don't mind dating a man whom has some lb's to him, a personality shapes a man in my eyes. If you make me laugh, smile, and make my heart beat quicker as you veer near me when I see you, then you've got my heart. emoticon

DWROBERGE Posts: 373,863
8/1/11 9:35 P

Fit for what?

JOJOSHOME SparkPoints: (0)
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7/29/11 12:27 A

Interesting topic. Here's my woman's prospective.
It all depends on what your definition of "fit" is. By some of the comments I think people are misinterpreting "fit" as physical appearance. In other words those who do not fit into the "ideal" are some how "unfit". Frankly I have met a lot of men who are great to look at and are in great physical shape, but they are completely "unfit" for a partner. I dated a guy who looked like he just finished a magazine cover, great to look at and he had a voice which made me, well you know, melt? but he was the biggest ass I had ever met. Because you look good does that automatically make you "fit" to be a good father, provider, lover, friend, or life partner? My answer would be NO. I look for someone who is kind, considerate, educated and sure of themselves regardless of their physical appearance. Appearances can be changed but personality is set for life.
I am much more attracted to a man by the smile on his face and the smile in his eyes than the size of his gut.
Gotta say I love the guys lounge, though I try not to lurk to often.

TURTLESDOVE Posts: 1,067
7/28/11 6:02 P

Eric, that makes 2 men out of a zillion that feel that way about their wives. You and my husband. That is why I love him so much. The majority of men I know are only interested in getting in bed with a woman. They could care less about being in love and caring for them.

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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7/28/11 5:23 P

I love the "broad shoulders, narrow waist" comment. That is exactly what they said in "Men's Health" that is the primary thing women look for in a man from an attractiveness/physical perspective.

I admit- I am superficial to an extent. I asked my wife out because I thought she was pretty, and when i talked to her a bit I thought she was cool, too. In my youth, I only asked out girls who I thought were pretty.

If my wife were to get out of shape, I would still love her regardless. I know she feels the same way- but we feel that trying to stay fit to an extent, or improve our fitness, is a gift to ourselves and to each other- it should give us a good fighting chance to stay healthy too!

JODIBEAR58 Posts: 1,437
7/28/11 4:08 P


Another female perspective. It is true on the other side of the fence too. Most guys are looking for Barbie. Having been in the dating arena since my divorce 3 years ago, guys are not interested in overweight women either.

Personally, if a profile of a man says fit and toned male...I pass on by, because you can bet they are looking for a fit and toned woman.

Just my 2 cents.

HAIL_10_ Posts: 387
7/28/11 9:00 A

I commented on a post like this before, and posts like this are my secret little indulgence soooooo, I couldn't resist:

It's not rocket science, It's hormones...some physical traits (in my case it's broad shoulders and a narrow waist) get my gears turning....That doesn't mean I'm going to reject every man that has narrow shoulders, or a wider waist.

Women *don't* always *want* a fit guy. Some women are *attracted* to fit men. It's just like food: Some people hatttttttttttte clams because they look disgusting.. until they try them and find they're delicious and flavourful.... Some people go for the candy, but find the delicious lollipop actually tastes like garbage. What women want in a partner and what women are physically attracted to are completely different questions...

It's no big deal. People are attracted to attractive people (And the object of attraction changes by the person). It's not shallow, it's chemistry. What else can you base attraction on besides a physical trait when you first meet a person? Even if you're attracted to a persons eyes, it's still a physical that shallow?

If a girl isn't attracted to you first thing, don't be heartbroken...give her a chance to get to know your "flavour" per se... If she still rejects you, then she is either shallow or (god forbid!)she might *just* not like you.

Edited by: HAIL_10_ at: 7/28/2011 (09:05)
7/23/11 12:34 P

Sorry, woman lurker, couldn't resist . . . speaking for myself, and myself only . . . I look for a guy who is healthy, he needn't be a muscle head or a marathoner, just healthy. And I actually prefer a little pudge, soft is better for cuddling, I've actually told this to my boyfriend so he'll stop beating himself up about not having a six pack.

And yes, I care FAR more about personality, morals, sense of humor and the way he treats me than I'll ever care about his looks.

That said, if you insist on dating shallow women, yeah, they probably do only care about two things: your looks and your money, and not necessarily in that order.

Your choice, and you'll get what you pay for.

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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7/14/11 9:26 A

mraggro speaks truth.

MRAGGRO SparkPoints: (0)
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7/13/11 5:52 A

That's what women SAY they want, but how often does what women SAY coincide with what women DO? Women are biologically programmed to seek out the alpha male, and one key marker of SR value is a good physique. That's not to say that a guy with extra chub won't get a woman. But he won't get the most desirable one there is to be had.

The women you really, really want DO only want fit guys. If you needed more motivation, there it is, brothers.

7/8/11 7:33 P

Actually, it's been my experience that women want guys who are handsome, humorous and/or charming. Fit would be a bonus.

I have asked this question several times and you will NOT get any woman (here at least) to cop to actually only wanting a fit guy. Most women think that that's a shallow sentiment.

ARMSPORTS Posts: 1,310
7/5/11 8:16 P

I think women in general are attracted more to men that are fit but not to the point of obsession. I think this also holds true when fitness is more of a priority for the woman. But being attracted to a guy and sizing that same fellow up as a potential mate are two completely different things in my opinion.

Fortunately for me my wife was/is into bigger guys!

7/5/11 4:47 P

Very true....I think u all make valid arguements...lots of smart men in this guys lounge...I'm learning a lot from u all thanks...

CUFFESTUFF SparkPoints: (0)
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7/5/11 4:11 P

From what I've heard this is not true. I'm not saying that girls go gaga over a spare tire and some man boobs, but usually a little bit of cushioning shows a few things.

1. He's comfortable enough with the woman he's with that he can slack off a bit
2. He's not keeping his exterior buffed to try and impress other onlookers
3. He's not entirely focused on himself!

However I do think, both guys and gals need to pay at least minimal attention to their fitness.

7/5/11 2:36 P

I met my husband in college (Chico State) and my husband was 24 and a single parent, when we started not all women young or older all view attractiveness on a mans fitness level or looks.. and btw I weighed 112lbs at that time and was a gym rat with a six pack of abs (seriously) 2 sons later and in our 40's I still think he is hot..(Just 4 info) I am a Certifed Personal Trainer, run 5k and 10k marathons with my girlfriends because he still it all depends on the woman's taste (young or older) emoticon

@ Albertacb...u r right :)

Edited by: HOTTIEMOMMY1 at: 7/5/2011 (14:41)
ALBERTACB SparkPoints: (0)
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7/5/11 9:37 A

Interesting as well.

Proposed for your consideration: as one gets older he may become more aware of the leanings and behaviors displayed by actual members of the opposite sex and less concerned by his perception of how the opposite sex (as a group) reacts to the physical characteristics that he thinks _should_ attract members of the opposite sex.

Based on that idea, if you can accept that much, it may be that women's preferences don't necessarily become less shallow as they age -- maybe it's our perception that was shallow to begin with, not their preferrence.

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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7/5/11 7:58 A


Well, I stand by my original theory- especially as it pertains to younger people. The younger you are, the more important appearance is, whether you label it "shallow" or not. Fitness plays into appearance.

And I'm not saying this from a perspective where I view myself as a super-fit guy either- just answering the OP's Q.

2 real answers here: generally speaking, yes, girls will want the fit guy. On a case-by-case basis, the girl will like what she likes! Personal decision.

JDMAKEIT2HOT Posts: 8,458
7/5/11 6:12 A

no. when i first laid eyes on my boyfriend he was about 280 lbs. tall dark and handsome! very sweet and im so lucky to be with him. he is "fit" now. if he gained weight i would still be inlove and very attracted to him.

7/5/11 1:36 A

I saw this thread and wanted to give my two cents :) Some women DON"T ONLY want a fit guy..and by "fit" I am assuming you mean "average weight" with muscles??? Guys there is no right or wrong answer to this question. Why? because it depends on the woman. Personally I am REALLY attracted to bigger men 198-300lbs (Thick) not particularly muscular men..I am a small woman (20lbs 2 lose ) but reasonably small..but I have always thought larger men are more sexually attractive. I think I feel more protected with a larger man. I married a very attractive man who weighs 202lb and is 5'10...I prefer him at this weight, although I would love him at any weight or "fit" or "unfit" he is. I feel that the majority of woman feel this least in my circle lol..Of course another woman might disagree with just depends on the womans taste...Anyway just one womans opinion emoticon

Edited by: HOTTIEMOMMY1 at: 7/5/2011 (01:51)
ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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7/3/11 4:35 P

Well, it's definitely a case of whatever floats your boat. I guess whatever someone finds attractive is what someone finds attractive.

I'm thinking the OP question goes to an initial "spark" between a guy and a girl. I would not have been interested in asking my wife out for a date had I not found her attractive, and one of the reasons I found her attractive is that she was reasonably fit. I don't think she would have said yes to a date had I weighed 250+ lbs instead of 155 lbs or so and reasonably fit. Likewise, I know I did not appeal to some girls who were into major muscle guys, as I was not one, and their idea of fitness played into that. The initial parameters for interest in dating are probably pretty shallow, actually, and that's just how it works, at least for that group of people who start dating each other in the 25- and under age range.

Maybe it's different as you get older, and options or places to meet change.

I will love my wife no matter what- through thicker and thinner, etc. But we do care about fitness and looking good for each other, and for ourselves.

So to the OP's very loaded initial question, generally yes it is a very shallow initial threshold decision to date someone, and fitness and taking care of oneself is a big part. Just the way it is.

HGSGUY SparkPoints: (180,892)
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7/3/11 12:53 P

I don't think I really deviated from the question. There are many things to consider when a woman is interested in a man and to dismiss a man for one trait, in this case fitness, is fairly shallow. I was not at all fit, nor was I fat, when I met my wife. I have made many changes over time and she loves me the same through them all. One would expect their significant other to accept them through changes in weight and fitness, but I have seen with friends that if they have any desirable traits, they find women that like them, none of the guys i am talking about are fit.

Anyway, for what it is worth. If I am still not getting your point, i am sorry.

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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7/3/11 10:09 A

HGS, with all due respect- Nobody said that. You changed the parameters and set up a straw argument for some reason.

But back on point, it is true that fit people can weigh alot, and thin people can be not fit. Usually, people who weigh alot are not fit, and thin people do at least something to take care of their fitness..........

HGSGUY SparkPoints: (180,892)
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7/2/11 6:48 P

Only shallow women, just like the shallow guys that only want skinny, busty, women.

7/2/11 5:32 P

I would say no, women don't only want fit men.
First, my wife and I met when I was no where near fit. I haven't been fit, well, ever.

Second, I counsel people concerning their relationships, so I see a lot of women and I hear what they want from men. In over 8 years of practice, not one woman ever has complained to me that her mate was not fit enough. Women talk about emotional availability, finances, sex, romance, temperament, controlling behavior, fidelity, honesty - but not fitness. Of course woman would like someone to whom they are physically attracted, but that doesn't seem to be at the top of list of priorities.

However, I have heard many men talk about their partners fitness.

One woman that I currently work with is about to marry a man whose lifestyle is literally killing him. He is terminally ill, financially ruined, overweight, and smokes. He won't live another 5 years and it is because of his lifestyle. Her complaint: He doesn't spend enough time talking with her.

N0_EQL Posts: 627
7/2/11 11:40 A


In general I agree.

But your post was not about weight or obesity. It was about fitness.

Look around you (out side the gym or locker room). How many 140# - 185# guys do you see who are "fit". If you are honest less than 50%. They do not look unhealthy, nor do they look fit.

By "fit" lets say they could fill a back pack with provisions for the day and do a 10 mile hike.

Edited by: N0_EQL at: 7/2/2011 (11:43)
ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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7/2/11 11:12 A


I know my wife wouldn't have considered me had I been 300 lbs when we met. Facts are facts, and that makes her no less deep as a person.

But to each his/her own.

N0_EQL Posts: 627
7/1/11 7:42 P


Good thing you don't have to look like the "guys on the cover if fitness mags".

Air brushing works much better in print media than it does in real life. LOL

TLCOVERT1 SparkPoints: (0)
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7/1/11 2:29 P

"Fit" means different things to different people, and I think most women place more emphasis on other things like personality, and how they're treated.

RSOARES Posts: 357
7/1/11 11:20 A

I would say NO!, different strokes for different folk!
I have seen many fit girls with not fit men....
Maybe if you mean financially fit than that is a different question!

JSTCHLIN Posts: 3,952
7/1/11 10:54 A

Only? I would say no. But I'm sure it's a big priority for them. Physical attraction is a big thing for both sexes. And to be fit, a women sees the man as being a protector for her and perhaps a future family.

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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7/1/11 9:44 A

I'd say yes. Being reasonably fit means you care about yourself and life. I don't think a guy needs to look like the cover guys on the men's fitness magazines, but generally a guy needs to be reasonably fit to have a shot at the girl he desires.

Looks are a component in the equation, right? Guys look for girls based on physical appearance- don't think for a moment the girls don't do the same!

SEERS7112 SparkPoints: (0)
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7/1/11 9:38 A

Here is a good question, do women now and days only want a fit guy, yes or no and please explain?

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