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JADOMB SparkPoints: (134,622)
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Posts: 1,708
7/10/12 10:43 P

I understand your concern about the husband being away. I was in the NAVY for 4 years and retired from the DoD. I worked around thousands of families and in many ways they do better than non-military families since it is a lifestyle they have to work within. To me, it is even a worse showing of respect for an 18 year old to not take the reigns and help his mother while his father is away. That's why I'm so blunt about it. Had that been my son there would have been much tough love dished out to him when I got home.

I really feel sorry for the so many parents that have children with special needs, they have to do so much more than most folks to just try and have a normal life. But when it is a normal child that is just lazy and disrespectful, I can't put up with it. Sadly though, many parents have brought this on themselves. And if they are that way at 18 years old, I just don't know how to help them. The die has pretty much already been set.

BUFFEDSTUFF-- Posts: 2,520
7/10/12 9:33 P

Hmm, it is okay to disagree, and I do understand your point of view. I just would hate to see this kind lady stressing over someone else's behavior that she can't control. The stress from her dear hubby being deployed is hard enough, I would imagine. I just hope that she and her son can come to a mutual win-win solution.

JADOMB SparkPoints: (134,622)
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7/10/12 3:48 P

I normally don't disagree that much with fellow posters, but buffedstuff, are you kidding? Yes, he is 18, but he is living in another person's house(his parent'). Since he has done poorly for many years and his not graduating on time shows that, I'm guessing that he has not learned many other things either, like love and respect. He is acting like the many kids I've seen that are still living with and taking advantage of their parents.

Sadly, when I see them acting like this as "adults" I can only imagine how they acted as children and how much the parent failed in straightening out their poor behavior. I think him joining the military is just the thing he needs, since they may just make a man out of him. But letting him just veg around the house and act like you own him a life of laziness is just wrong.

My prayers are with you and any other parent out there that have disrespectful, ungrateful and lazy children. Then again, who's to blame for that anyway?

SNOWKAT Posts: 380
7/10/12 11:06 A

It sounds like the front room is a shared room(family space). This must be a necessity not an option so try this idea.

Make a list of what you expect every day...cloths put away, nothing on the floor.... (BTW stop doing his laundry if you do it today). At the end of the day....don't say a word to him...simply walk through with a garbage bag. Put everything out of place into the garbage bag (maybe just hide the remote control - for your use). do this every day(same bag)...I suspect he'll run out of cloths and be totally bent out of shape. Then show him how to use the washing machine...when he finally asks. But don't solve the problem for him. This will make you crazy!

stop loaning him your car / stop giving him money.

I know - it's easy to say this as an outsider...but my son got into a habit of dropping his coat and things on the floor....I just started walking on them then kicked the stuff into the garage in a pile (trust me, the mess stressed me out, but not as much as a life-time of being a personal servant would). He was in shock, and wanted me to stop. I simply said that everything had a place and it was his responsibility to take care of his stuff...and guess what ....he started to take care of this things!!

and here is the hardest change of all. YOU need to change your behavior. If you keep doing whatever it is your doing now...and expect a different won't happen.

Good luck!

BUFFEDSTUFF-- Posts: 2,520
7/9/12 7:17 P

He is 18, so just let him do his thing after all he is an adult.He probably has a great notion of who he is and what he does and doesn't want to do. Try not to stress out, after all he is going to do what he wants to do, and beside in a few years he might decide to move into another house. You might consider hiring a cleaning company, on his week to clean and asking him to pay for it. That might halt some of his behavior. I wish you well and good luck.

DMJAKES Posts: 1,635
7/9/12 4:09 P

Sounds just one of my kids....I agree with the previous poster who said you have to make it more painful for him NOT to do as you ask, and you have to be prepared for some "pushback" for a while.

Does he have a job outside the home? If not, I would make that a requirement. Allow him to keep his room in any state he wishes, but all "common" rooms must be left in the same condition as when he entered.

Is the slob habit new, or pretty much all his life? If it's recent, you may want to look into some counseling. It may be a symptom of another problem.

Choose the one thing that bothers you the most and work on that first...if you try to attack too many things at once, you'll lose the battle for sure.

My oldest would (still does occasionally) lie right to my face, even when I knew the truth already. Talk about frustrating.....I raised all of mine better than that and I still haven't a clue as to what the motive is. I can put up with a lot, but lying drives me nuts.

JENMC14 Posts: 2,786
7/9/12 9:04 A

Make life unfun for him. His room's a mess? No TV. No cell phone, no computer, no MP3, etc. No money to go out with his friends. He must earn his place. Make him get a job, if it comes to that, to learn some outside of the home life skills. But, if he can't help keep up the house, then he doesn't need the extras.

HAS2BEME SparkPoints: (7,807)
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Posts: 207
7/8/12 11:07 P

I am going crazy. My 18 year old son is a SLOB. I ask him to clean the kitchen cause it is his week and he keeps leaving it a mess. I ask him to clean his room it is a mess. He sleeps in the front room and leaves it a mess so his brother has to pick it up. I am so sick of him. He thinks he is an adult but acts younger than my 14 year old. Today he fought me over taking the dog for a walk. He takes the dog out for two min and comes back in said it was ten mins. Does he think I can not tell time? I wish I could just tell him to get out but I cant do that. I love my son and would never kick him out but I cant keep doing this. When my husband is out to sea my son is even worse. He is still in school because he flunked a few classes and has to make them up. I so hope that he is going to pass it this year. He wants to go into the Navy like his dad did. But I do not know if he will make it in the Navy because he is a slob. What should I do these next ten months while my husband is gone and having to deal with my slob of a son.

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