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TIEDYED69PEACE SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (2,694)
Posts: 165
10/25/12 3:04 P

If he is not fixing things like shower doors and bedroom doors, this is most likely a breach of your lease. I work in Code Enforcement, and as far as safety goes, people are supposed to sleep with their doors shut to help hold back smoke from killing them in their sleep in the event of a fire. On top of that, you are entitled to you privacy; so a closing bedroom door is essential. The shower door not closing is a health hazard as well. It promotes water from escaping the shower and molding around the room, or you can even slip and fall on the water that would pour out as a result. As a landlord, he must provide you a safe space to live in. You can always check with your municipality. As a tenant, you have the right to allow them to come in and inspect the home.

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (201,279)
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Posts: 27,429
10/25/12 1:32 P

Hi, Maria !!

Well, you're in a difficult, but not impossible situation. It's definitely uncomfortable for you. He certainly misrepresented himself. Living with room mates is never an easy thing. Unfortunately, I've heard my fair of horror stories from friends.

What to do ? If moving is not an option right now, then you're going to need to find ways to "adapt". If he complains about using your own cookware, then you're going to have to keep your pots/pans in your room for the time being. This way, he can't complain that they are in the way. I usually cook one pot style of meals. That might be something you could do to save space. Do you have a crock pot ? Lots of great meals can be made with a crock pot.

I appreciate that this condo is his home and as such, he does set the rules. However, the fact that he is not complying with the terms of the lease isn't right either. He's taking advantage of you.

If you don't have much time left on the lease, you're going to have to tough it out for now. Do what you can to adapt even if that means keeping your stuff in your rented room out of his way. If he wants to be a slob, that's his problem, not yours. You're NOT his maid even though he seems to be treating you like one.

You could always consider charging HIM maid service ! Okay, I'm joking. One thing you should do is take pictures of his house when he's not there. that's documentation of how he wanted things kept. taking care of his stuff was not your responsibility.

Keep your eye out for decent rentals in your area. It sounds like you need better arrangements.

MARIA11X Posts: 537
10/25/12 12:03 P

Hi Miss Ruth,

He told me after I moved in that he doesn't "need" the rent money, that he is able to pay for everything on his own. He said that with working for the federal government, he isn't able to make more money, since I think he is capped on his salary. He said that he would use the rent money that I pay him to hire a cleaning service (hasn't happened) and to fix some of the things around the place, like getting new kitchen cabinets, etc (hasn't happened).

The door handle on my bedroom door has been broken since I moved in, and each time I bring it up, he says he will "call someone" to fix it. He says he does not know how to fix anything himself. He has never called anyone. He won't allow me to put a lock on my bedroom door, he says "in case" he needs access to my room for an emergency. My shower door has been broken ever since I moved in, and he blames all the damages on the prior roommate. Again, he says he will "call someone." Of course, all of this is said after I move in. He's a horrible procrastinator.

I hardly respond to his comments, since I speak to him only when necessary. Anything more than that, he thinks I am starting an argument with him. He gets immediately defensive, as if he is expecting an argument whenever I open my mouth.

I am hoping to be able to have my own place someday soon. The "affordable" places are in really bad neighborhoods, and as a single female, I want to be safe. I lived in a not-so-great neighborhood prior to moving here, and I had gotten my purse stolen and my vehicle broken into just in the short time I lived there. I also got assaulted in that neighborhood.

I'll just have to keep praying that things will get better and I can move soon.

MISSRUTH Posts: 4,314
10/25/12 6:57 A

Well. We learn something from everyone. From some people, we learn how TO behave, and from some people we learn how NOT to behave.

Seems like you hit the nail on the head-- he wants (maybe needs?) the money, but doesn't really want a roommate.

I was stuck in a similar situation years and years ago. I ended up staying for the duration, living mostly in my room or not at "home". I've found that almost anything in life is bearable, IF I know when it's going to end. So it may be possible to just suck it up and adjust yourself and your schedule (cooking, eating, etc) accordingly, if you can't get out of the lease.

I think maybe the most important thing is to not respond to his comments. Sounds like he has a need to be "right", and controlling. A simple "mm" or similar noise in response, so he knows you heard him and he doesn't repeat himself, would suffice.

What I got out of my experience with the roommate from hell, was the determination to never do that again-- I would live in a cheap place in maybe not the best part of town, by MYSELF, before I shared space with another person.

MARIA11X Posts: 537
10/25/12 5:16 A


He's neither a boyfriend nor an ex. He is simply someone I am renting a room from. I answered an ad for renting a room, and I looked at quite a few places before moving in to this one. On paper, he seems ideal. He works for the federal government, has a graduate degree, looks put together. Just goes to show that what is on the outside is not always what's on the inside.

I think he actually likes having me here, since it doesn't seem like he has many friends. His behavior toward me is the same towards everyone. It's just his personality. I doubt it is anything that I am doing, since I am almost never home. I think he wants a roommate for the rent money, but doesn't really want to have to share his home/living space with anyone.

Edited by: MARIA11X at: 10/25/2012 (05:17)
JBINAUSTIN SparkPoints: (54,266)
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Posts: 9,602
10/25/12 1:33 A

He is not legally allowed to invent rules like not having people over or not using the kitchen at reasonable mealtimes unless they are in the lease. Those things are implicit in leading residential space, unless you signed a lease that says all you get it the bedroom and bath, no kitchen or living room. Having friends over is a normal activity of living and you should expect to do it unless you signed it away in writing.

I like the idea to ask if you can move. If he has email, send him your request that way so you have evidence. Get his answer in writing.

Try to get some friends to witness his behavior. You might have to sue in small claims court. If you decide to do this, get evidence in writing and from witnesses.

Use your phone to record his verbal answers. Depending on what state you live in, you might need to tell him you're doing it. You might say something like, so I can be sure I understand your answer, I'm going to make a record of what we discuss so I don't forget anything.

Good luck. He sounds like an awful roommate.

SUNSHINE6442 Posts: 2,320
10/24/12 5:36 P

If you signed a lease with him and he does not release you inwritting from the lease you are stuck there until your lease is up or you might wind up getting sued in court. You Started in June and Most times the judge will award 3 months in rent to the lessor.

Possibly he is tired of you too...ASK him or say somthing like....It seems you are having a problem with me being here and that you are tired of me....if that's so then cancel our contract in writting and Ill be gone.

LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 26,768
10/24/12 5:09 P

Is this a boyfriend or an ex?
Seems like a bizarre situation....

MARIA11X Posts: 537
10/24/12 4:17 P

Hi everyone,

I moved into my current place at the end of June, so it's been almost 4 months.I have a male roommate/landlord. He owns the condo and I rent one bedroom, it's 2 bd/2 ba.At first, things seemed to be going fine. I was able to settle in, and I cook most of my meals at home. I have a lot of food sensitivities, so I can't tolerate excess sodium, preservatives, additives, MSG, food coloring very well, and I cannot have any artificial sweeteners. Thus, I eat out very rarely, and I am very choosy of the places I eat out at. Most of the food I eat at home is organic and whole, natural foods.

Well, that is beginning to change, due to my roommate situation. I am a very accommodating person, and I have a higher level of tolerance and probably more patience than others. I find that I am having to adjust to my roommate's preferences quite a bit. It appears to me now that I may have to move again soon. I am no longer comfortable with how things are going.

I find that I am having to adjust my daily schedule around him. I have to prepare all of my meals when he isn't home, and I try to eat at home when he is not here. He wants to have things exactly as he wants them. He wants to have the kitchen available to him as soon as he gets home. He did not allow me to bring any of my own kitchen things here, and said I was to use his, due to lack of space. His cookware and appliances are either old, broken, or just not what I would use (not non-stick, hard to clean, burns the food easily, etc.)

He prefers to warm up TV dinners for his meals, and when he does cook (not often), he uses all the space in the kitchen so that I am not able to go in there to make a meal. He makes comments about the food I eat, and he makes comments about how all of my food takes up too much room in the fridge (not true, I use exactly half of the fridge). Of course it is going to look like I have a lot of food in there, because there are fresh vegetables and ingredients that I use to make my meals. His side of the fridge looks pretty empty, since he mostly has frozen TV dinners stacked in the freezer. I say nothing about his food. I am not the one eating it so I don't care what he eats.

He also makes comments about how much I exercise. He probably works out once or twice a week. He tends to be a workaholic, so he often says he intended to work out, but didn't have time. On weekends, he spends a lot of time in front of the TV, says he had a hard week and wants to relax. I am usually out, walking the beach or I'm at the gym. I work out pretty often. I am in the military, and I have to.

It's getting to the point where I really don't want to be around him, especially in the evenings. I find myself going out to eat more and more, just so that I don't have to be home when he gets home from work. I've been up and down 3 pounds over the past 2 weeks, trying to get back on track. Still trying to lose another 15, so I'm feeling like it's impossible.

I have tried speaking to him, but he is very much "it's my way or the highway" type of person. I am finding him to be very arrogant, opinionated, and passive-aggressive. If I do not agree with him on something, he will make every effort to convince me where I am wrong. I do not sway that easily, and this frustrates him. When I don't like something he says, he takes it personally and he sits silently resentful. I am not the type to argue, but I will speak up for myself. He likes to pick arguments with me, and he will bait me by say certain offensive things, because I think he takes pleasure in how I might react. I try really hard not to fall for it. A lot of times, if we are both home, I stay in my room so that I don't have to talk to him.

I go out to visit friends, because he does not allow me to have any friends over. He never has friends over, and he isn't dating anyone. He's never been married. I am divorced, and of course he had to make comments about that. I never saw him as a potential dating partner. He is always home if he is not at work. He said the prior roommate had his friends over all the time, and he didn't like coming home to a bunch of people. So if I want to see friends, I have to go out. I can't even have a friend over for dinner. I love to cook for my friends and share a meal, and I can't do that here. When I come back after being out, he has to comment on how late I came in.

Of course, all of these "rules" came about after I signed the lease and moved in. If I would have known it would turn out like this, I definitely would have chose something else. He presented himself very well when I interviewed with him for the room. It is so hard to find an affordable place to live in Southern California.

My only real option is to move, which I'm not in the position to do right now. It may be at least 3 months before I can move, due to obligations with the military already in place.

I'm just sad right now, thanks for listening.


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