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KYRSTINRO Posts: 945
4/9/12 9:45 A

it's the "gut" which tells, really...

i was married before...while i loved my ex husband , i always had that uncertainty thing. never planned to have a baby with him either . that raised red flags. i wasn't the one to end that marriage though.

now, i'm with someone new and we are getting married in little over a month. it's different, i feel differently...i evolved and i am such a different person when i am with him. i know i want a baby ...and we've been friends for over 7 yrs.

if you have doubts , just don't do it.

Edited by: KYRSTINRO at: 4/9/2012 (09:55)
CRACKERJACK2825 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (11,189)
Posts: 262
3/8/12 8:01 A

This is gonna sound weird, but follow me here.

Imagine that your intended requires medications to be taken a certian way (read, NOT ORALLY). Would you do it for him without thinking twice? I ask because I've been there, and I did it without batting an eye. THAT'S love. :) In my opinion anyway.

"Love" is a tricky word. For some it means having someone to be there for you through everything. For others, it means being there until something comes up that you can't handle and you hit the road. If you weren't sure in September, you're not sure NOW, and his "personality traits" are something you can't overlook, you might need to rethink the relationship. It could be that you're not getting what you feel you need from this man anymore. Counseling might be in order, both single and couples.

LEARNINGWITHLIZ SparkPoints: (20,646)
Fitness Minutes: (12,135)
Posts: 891
3/6/12 2:01 P

I knew my fiance was the one for me when I pictured us being old together sitting in rocking chairs on a porch. I can't imagine life without him.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,535
2/2/12 10:22 A

That is a tricky one. If his flaws were that he left his socks on the floor or squeezed the tooth paste tube in the middle. That is one thing. And can be over looked since no one is perfect.

If his flaws are that he is mean, negative or something like that and can't be changed. That could be a problem.

Someone else recommended couples counseling. That is a good idea. And nonobjective third party can help a great deal.

Definitely deal with this before you walk down the aisle.

SCTK519 Posts: 2,086
2/2/12 9:27 A

If you don't like his personality, I definitely wouldn't marry him.

REIDA36 Posts: 132
2/2/12 6:03 A

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and opinions. The things I don't like are things that can not change, he's 'personality' traits...

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,535
2/1/12 3:48 P

Are the things you don't like about him minor, like he chews with his mouth open? Or are they of a larger magnitude, like he lies and cheats?

ARKERLIN Posts: 88
2/1/12 3:44 P

I have never once doubted that being with my fiance for the rest of my life was exactly what I wanted. If it doesn't feel right, chances are it isn't right.

SCTK519 Posts: 2,086
2/1/12 2:59 P

I think it's a pretty big sign to call off a wedding already organized and paid for. I admittedly don't think I could continue to be with my fiance after calling off a wedding. Have you had a discussion about why you wanted to wait? Do the number of days you think why am I with him outnumber the days you think he's great? Can you not picture life without him because you've been together for so long? Or because you don't want him not in your life.

I knew my husband was the one because he was my best guy friend in college and even before we got together we talked every day, had tons in common, including important things like desire for kids, aspirations, etc, any personality conflicts we have are genuinely negligible. I don't want to be without him; I want him to be there for good, bad, and ugly.

It could be helpful for both of you to go see a couples therapist. It help opens discussion about wants and needs.

LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 26,685
2/1/12 1:49 P

She already walked away from the September wedding....

MOTIVATEDKAT SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 117
2/1/12 11:52 A

What I'm wondering is how long is it going to take before the things you don't like, break the camels back & you walk away? Cause thats where I see it leading. Have you talked with him about the things that bother you? Maybe he has no clue.

LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 26,685
2/1/12 11:43 A

"So maybe that means I am happy with him and the life we have"

So if you are so happy, why did you cancel a paid-for wedding?

REIDA36 Posts: 132
2/1/12 1:06 A

Thanks for your opinions ladies :) When I try and imagine myself without him and the life we've made together, I don't like what I see. So maybe that means I am happy with him and the life we have and that I should stop thinking too much and expecting him to be someone he isnt!?!? And for the most part, he is what I want in a partner...

MOTIVATEDKAT SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 117
1/31/12 11:24 P

Very well put Luann!

I know with my fiance & I, we simply enjoy being together and anything that we do, we know it would be so much better if the other was there, so we do everything together. He really is my best friend!

LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 26,685
1/31/12 9:59 P

I knew that I did not want to go through life without him! We have been married for over 31 years now....

Sounds like you don't feel that way with this guy.

REIDA36 Posts: 132
1/31/12 9:34 P

Hey fellow sparkpeople :)

I've been with my fiance for almost 3.5 years now and we've been engaged for over a year. We were suppose to get married last September but after getting it all organised and paid for, I told him I wanted to wait. The thing is, since the day we met, I've never been sure about 'us'. Some days (like today), I'm happy and think I have the best man in the world and that I would be crazy not to marry him! But other days, the things about him I don't like so much come out and I wonder why I'm even with him!!! The question I want to ask is - How do you know that it's 'LOVE'? That the person you are with is 'THE ONE'?

emoticon ???

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