Fitness Minutes: (15,026)
4/15/12 1:15 P
Just eat your regular amount and track your intake. If you choose to eat some of the leftovers,great but dont feel obligated to. This is a hard one for many of us,you are not obligated to eat everything in the house before it goes bad to keep it from "going to waste". Say that a few times to yourself. I am not a garbage disposal I dont have to finish off this food so it doesnt go to waste. Its ok to throw it all out. Dont make a scene but dont try to hide it either. Let it sit in the fridge 3 days then out it goes! Its ok, its not your responsibility to eat it.
My husband has 12 aunts and uncles and way too many cousins to count and when they celebrate...it's catered food, food, food! We always get the leftovers because my mother in law brings them to us, even if we don't show up. I call my side of the family over and let them attack it and take plates. That gets rid of that problem...lol! I have a small family; dad and two brothers but they can put away some food!
4/15/12 10:41 A
If you're angry, you're angry. There is no right or wrong way to feel about something. What you can control is how you react, not how you feel.
Take leftovers to work to share. Throw out things you can't/won't eat. Freeze individual portions for long-term portion control of the things you love. Use leftovers to help make healthy or healthier dishes for later in the week. Practice saying 'no' to taking home leftovers in the future. Have a plan for future get togethers (bring your own, healthier options if possible, do a bit more exercise, take smaller portions, etc).
They can only sabotage you if you let them. Be strong and good luck.
Fitness Minutes: (710)
141 4/13/12 9:45 P
That is very frustrating when they are not being considerate of your situation. Try to be strong and remember you have a goal and nothing is going to make you jump off the track or derail ya. Like others mentioned, try to pawn the food off on someone else.
Sometimes it's hard to get people to understand what you want, and even harder to go along with it. My husband revels in eating oreos in front of me and watches me exercise when he knows it bothers me. I have to tell myself I can't change others but I can tune them out.
Have you tried my favorite trick? Shove it in the back of the fridge, behind the milk and the water and all the veggies, wait two days, then declare it BAD and throw it out with a gleeful, maniacal grin.
Granted.... when I finally remember the food I shove in the back of the fridge, it is bad.
I am sick of explaining mom that I'm trying to eat better (for the past 6 yrs that is!)...she still asks me what to bake for holidays and my answer is: "you know i don't eat cakes anyway".
I cannot control my parents (or fiance's parents) but i can control myself and how i react. i log absolutely everything i eat when i visit my parents and if the weather is nice, it's a 20 min walk to them (so 40 min RT). not much but still better than nothing, right?
I also eat much less than I would at home. So small servings and they are used to not asking why I am not eating. Each time I eat less so it's not exactly "visible" that I'm not eating much...
Plus, lately I've started eating breakfast and a snack before heading to my parents. So , I am not hungry either.
Mom insists on bringing food back home and I always have a good excuse not to bring any :) I know, it's evil but hey, does the trick!
4/8/12 3:39 P
I reckon the only way to survive the pig-outs is to have a plan in place, and stick to it. Because they've been doing it for years and (probably) are not going to change. I'd be sure to take a huge tray of raw vegetables and low-cal dip. And maybe a low-cal dessert, too. I've found that I can easily take just a small spoonful of a lot of different foods, fill in the gaps on my plate with raw vegetables, and it looks like I'm eating a Mt. Everest of food-- when most of it is veggies.
I think they don't make the connection with all the celebrations and lots of food, to how overweight they are. "But it's (insert name of holiday or person's birthday here) !!" Like it would be sacrireligious to not eat a ton of unhealthy food on Easter or Grandpa's birthday or President's Day or whatever is being celebrated. And for your DH, to refuse the food would be like refusing his mother's love, or his family's love. I don't think people do it consciously. It's ingrained from childhood, it's a subconscious association, that to celebrate and show love etc. there has to be a lot of food and everybody needs to stuff themselves.
So knowing that's what everybody's going to do, the best thing would be to make sure your contributions to the family feast include healthy choices that you can load up on.
Fitness Minutes: (87,474)
2,867 4/7/12 10:16 P
LOL! You are probably right Missruth. Know what the totally ironic thing is... she doesn't seem to get why her baby is soooo big! (chuckle!!) I don't think that she does it to be nonsupportive but we talk about losing weight ALL THE TIME to her. Tomorrow when we do the EASTER pig fest, I am bringing my own lower cal. dessert. No I am trying to learn to eat at these things. My family never celebrates anything. It is just difficult trying to fit in with this family that eats all the time!
4/5/12 8:50 P
Some people see food as "love"-- I love you so much, I cooked all your favorite foods. Or I baked you this 6000 calorie cake. Or I made you this... whatever... that has enough fat grams in it to last you a month. Your MIL insisting y'all keep the leftovers, is like her feeding her little boy. She's giving love.
Doesn't mean you have to eat it. Whenever anyone pushes stuff on me, I take it with profuse thank you's. If I feel like I can't practice portion control, I'll freeze it in single-serving packages. If it's a real bad trigger food for me (that I would get up in the middle of the night to defrost and eat or stand there in the kitchen sucking on it still frozen like it was a popsicle), I'll get rid of it. Give it away, throw it away, whatever.
But it really helps me to look at the food extravaganzas, as family showing love. Not trying to be unsupportive or trying to sabotage my efforts.
AGAIN1, some folks just can't tell their parents no. Your hubby MAY be one of those people.
When we have extra food at our house, I have my hubby take it to his business so the walk-in customers and employees can have it. He does not mind.
Like others have said, you can't change them (or even your hubby), but you can change/control your reaction to them.
Fitness Minutes: (87,474)
2,867 4/5/12 3:08 P
Thanks again for the support Spark peeps!
Fitness Minutes: (37,224)
1,416 4/4/12 3:12 P
Sounds like my I laws - pig outs at every get together. I was angry at first over the lack of support but I have come to a certain amount of peace with it- I can't change them but I don't have to join them in the pigfest.
4/4/12 3:10 P
Don't get angry. Yes, frustrated, I would be too. My family doesn't understand my struggle with constantly "dieting" my whole adult life, but it's so I can be healthy and not have a myriad of health issues like they do.
Do what I do when people insist on you taking leftovers.....either make your husband take all to work with him, or (and I know it's wasteful) throw it away. That way no one has their feelings hurt. I for one don't like to waste anything, but I'm certain of one thing if I don't want the food to go in my mouth, it better not be in the house. I give in too much to temptation. I can do things in moderation when it is pre-portioned, but when there is a TON of leftovers, I don't want it in my house.
Fitness Minutes: (87,474)
2,867 4/4/12 2:50 P
Thank you ladies for your support! I understand what you guys were saying. Oddly enough, even though I know what to do, somedays when i am stressed it adds up. I am 2.5 months post major back surgery. I hurt but keep going. I am so psyched because I am able to do more but I was upset today when all that I have been doing has not reflected on the scale.
I had a long talk with the hubby and though he claims that he is on board, it has been an ongoing discussion with no longterm results. I have to realize that I can't change them. I guess I just wanted their support. But with SP I am finding support and reitterating what I know.
After venting, I did go on a 3 mile walk. Even though I was hurting, I slowly boogied around the neighborhood.
Easter "pig out" day is coming up. We go to a nice restaurant for our lunch and eat desserts at my MIL's all afternoon. Well, I am pre-planning my meal and bringing my own "healthier" dessert and then I am going to enjoy the rest the afternoon after I excuse myself to go on a walk. The family usually starts fussing at each other or brings up painful subjects, or controversial and I usually stuff myself because it stresses me out...aint going to happen this time.
BTW, the leftovers are in the refridge in the garage if my hubby or anyone else wants it!
I can understand why you're angry. You are seeking help from your family, and yet they are putting obstacles in your way.
However, Archimedes makes an excellent point that you can't control the people around you, only yourself. Often, people are uncomfortable when someone close to them wants to make a significant life change, so they (consciously or unconsciously) put roadblocks in the way in an effort to keep things the same.
It could be that your changes make them feel badly for not making similar changes in themselves, or they feel threatened by the new you that's emerging as you get stronger and healthier. Whatever their reason, they're uncomfortable with your changes and want to keep things as they are. The more actively you fight against their resistance, the more they resist.
So, the more you seek their help and support the more they are likely to keep blocking you. For now, I would try my best to ignore them. Find strategies for controlling your portions and keeping on track. Keep coming to SP to seek support, but stop relying on your family to support your efforts. Continuing to look for their support just gives them power over you that you should control for yourself.
Keep up the good work, and don't let them get you down. Once they see that you're not rising to the bait, they'll stop trying so hard to bait you.
All the best, Trinity
Fitness Minutes: (298,943)
4/4/12 11:53 A
You shouldn't be angry. You can't change your family. You can only change how you react to them. It is okay to say,"no thank you". You did good by eating a little less at the party. What to do with the left overs ? You're already doing the right thing by practicing portion control. Spark People isn't about deprivation. It's all about moderation and portion control. A person can have any food they want as long as they are mindful of the portion size.
For now, you do the best you can. If you find yourself stress eating, then you need to find better ways to reduce your stress that don't involve food. When you feel an urge to make a run at the frig, then put on your coat and take a walk outside until the urge passes. If you don't want to go out, then make yourself a cup of tea. sit and slowly sip the tea. Drinking tea is another way to reduce stress.
There are plenty of other things you could do to decrease the tension that causes you to eat. Do you have a hobby of some kind ? painting ? sewing ? knitting ? Engage in a hobby that has you using your mind and your fingers. because when both are occupied, you're less likely to run to the frig.
Another thing you could do is have some fruit. Whenever you want a treat from the frig, make a conscious effort to eat an apple. Keep eating those apples until you feel sated. I have yet to meet a person who could over eat apples. fresh fruit is not only filling because of the fiber it has, but the natural sweetness of the fruit should help decrease any sugar cravings you're having.
I am a firm believer that stress is a neglected aspect of weight gain. If people could reduce their stress, they'd automatically reduce their waistline.
And well, have you ever taken a yoga class ? If not, a good class could teach you breathing techniques that you might find helpful. A good class can also teach you how to meditate. I find meditating another good way to reduce stress and reduce any trips to the frig.
Can you take the food to work or church and leave it for other people to eat? I can't imagine how hard it is to stay on track with that kind of stuff at arm's reach. Maybe if you dispose of the food somehow and replace it with healthy stuff your husband will be ok with that.
Fitness Minutes: (87,474)
2,867 4/4/12 11:16 A
My husband has a big family and they celebrate EVERYTHING! His mom is a healthy size and my hubby is losing weight while still eating crap. My frustration is, they just had a big party for his birthday, and his mom didn't want to take all the left overs from the party she had made or had paid for, because...wait for it....she is trying to lose weight(?) ANYWAY, there is chicken, deviled eggs, cake, and icecream in our refridgerator. I told my husband that I was a bit perturbed and he acted mad that I wasn't on board with this. When I tried to get my point across, it was nothing but sarcastic loud "I am sorry!" which made me angrier! His mom knows how much I want this weight off too. At the party, I ate a bit less than I would normally but I love cold chicken and am trying to have 1 a day, only. We have gone out recently with friends for different occasions and i have been able to eat great. But I am just soooo frustrated! It's like my support system is trying to sabatouge me! part of me feels like I am being too sensitive but when I revel in losing a pound that is when all this crap food enters my home! I have told my husband's family over and over and over again that "food" is my "alcohol" right now. If I have a BIG problem, I will EAT!! Usually there is more healthy stuff in the house to pig out on but not this time!!
I am going to exercise and quit feeling so frustrated.
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