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CLH722 SparkPoints: (0)
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10/12/12 5:50 P

I don't understand the attachment to a bunch of fabric you wore for 8 hours. Reminds me of Hoarders - emotional attachment to material goods is not a good thing. If you want to keep your dress in a box in a closet for the rest of your life, that is certainly your prerogative (and the norm) but I don't see anything wrong or weird about doing a "trash the dress" session.

Different strokes for different folks.

I will unlikely do either - will probably sell my dress to someone on a budget who could use a dress at a discounted price!

SLMCDEVITT SparkPoints: (0)
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9/12/12 10:19 P

I saw that the Trash the Dress fad was getting popular with newly married couples but before it was mostly newly divorced women and "trashing the dress" was their way of ending that part of their life and moving on. Personally that is how i see it. I wouldn't do that to my dress. Even if my dress sat in my closet for years i don't think i would get rid of it. It would mean too much to me.

HOT4HUBBY SparkPoints: (771)
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9/12/12 3:13 P

Thanks!... he is really something else! so lucky he picked me! Oh yes... those Kleinfeld dresses are crazy! Before AND after my appointment, I asked if I could just wander around since I knew I would probably never be back. lol. I was just blow away at their selection size, and as you put it, the "works of art"... amazing place!

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,577
9/12/12 10:31 A

That is a sweet story Hot4Hubby. And now whenever you look at your dress or look at the box it is stored in, you are going to have fond memories of your sweet fiance/ husband.

I would love to be able to go to Kleinfeld and get my wedding dress. Those dresses are truly works of art.

AMALLECO SparkPoints: (11,422)
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9/11/12 3:20 P

I'm not a fan of it. Whatever dress I have, I would probably keep in a fancy trunk in the attic

SCTK519 Posts: 2,086
9/11/12 11:43 A

Some people aren't as sentimental as others when it comes to weddings or may be sentimental about something other than the dress. I also think money spent on the dress could be a factor. I'm keeping mine because of a combination of the two.

LAURAHNTR6 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 149
9/10/12 10:07 P

I can't imagine trashing my dress. Spent $350 of my own money and I love it! Can't wait to walk down the aisle and see my man's reaction. After the wedding, yes, it probably will sit in my closet for years and years. It's MY dress! I can't imagine donating it either, although I donated my 1st dress. emoticon

BROADBRUSH Posts: 1,806
9/10/12 6:19 P

@HOT4HUBBY - totally agree and glad you have sentiment, your mom did a good job of teaching you appreciation of things in life. what ever they may be - yes to each her own.

HOT4HUBBY SparkPoints: (771)
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9/10/12 2:53 P

I am stationed in San Antonio, TX. My husband (then fiance) saw me looking at dresses on multiple sites just to get an idea of what kind of style i wanted. I saw one on that I absolutely loved! I seached the city of San Antonio and surrounding towns for something similar (i'm more into the look even its cheap, rather than the designer name just to say i wore that designer) but to my amazement, I couldn't find anything close to the look! I guess he realized for some reason (since he's a man) that I wouldn't be able to get that dress out of my mind unless I tried it on. So, he booked a flight to New York for me, him, and both of our mothers! We went to Kleinfeld (just the girls while he went walking around during the appointment as he did not want to see the dress until the big day) I tried on the $5,000 dress! and omg was it gorgeous!! However, it was WAY out of my price range, and WAY too heavy! I ended up trying on a few others and buying a beautiful dress (profile pic) for around my budget $3,000. I had been saving for my dress for sooo long, and it was all of my own hard earned money. Not one cent from my hubby, my mother, or anyone else. In this case, I feel like I deserved to spend this amount as I saved and prepared. Also, every bride has a budget, based on what she wants to spend on what aspects of her wedding. With that being said, I would rather have my caterer forget to show up and have it rain on my day than to trash my precious dress! Every bride makes her own decision on what she will do with her dress, but I guess i'm just an old soul, because being young, I plan on keeping my dress. sentimental reasons... but again, i could not imagine trashing my dress after how hard i worked for it. I believe a wedding dress, regardless of the price, has its own value to the bride. Mine is based on price, what my husband did for me to get that dress, and it's sentimental value. But hey, to each their own!

BROADBRUSH Posts: 1,806
9/9/12 1:07 P

@RLR YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU - that is exactly right - but we see it ALL THE TIME- Christmas - a reason to excess on everything
Birthday - who can out do who
and on and on it goes.
Showers and Stags - Stagettes or whatever
destination weddings where many times hardly any of your family can attend for the cost
i never took part in it - i think it is a waste of everything
let's all get back to the basics and the real meaning of what ever the occasion is supposed to be!!!

RLR386 SparkPoints: (0)
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9/8/12 2:20 P

The same thing could be said about spending thousands of dollars on a dress that you're going to only wear for one day to begin with. Yes, it's a special occasion, and yes (ideally), it's something you're only going to do once, but shouldn't the whole magic of the wedding come from the actual marriage of two people who are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together and not from the glitz and glam put into things like a dress or a venue?

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,577
9/3/12 2:18 P

Remodeling a house is a lot different. Sure you are destroying something, but with the goal of building it up and making it better.

I do agree that it takes a certain type of person to buy an expensive dress and thenturn around and destroy it.

The young lady who is now dead because she wanted to trash her dress. It is so tragic. Didn't have to happen.

I also agree about the engagement ring. I would much rather put that money towards my future life. My rule is don't go into debt. If you can't afford the ring then put it on layaway.

BROADBRUSH Posts: 1,806
9/3/12 10:13 A

the 'not spending a lot on a dress' aside - i wish the girls would also apply common sense to an engagement ring - i know it is off the topic - but it is the same principle. i have had this in my own family - where my kid wanted to put the money into the downpayment for a house and buy his fiance a 'reasonably priced' ring. she bought into this THREE months' salary rule -
again i say where is the common sense - the bling was the thing. i also had a niece who did the same - the guy spent a small fortune on a marquis cut diamond- they divorced five years later and the ring is virtually worthless (setting of gold is worth more) cause when they brought it in to the jewellers the first thing he said was the cut was not popular. a diamond ring is not a good investment - a house is.
but anyway - this whole thing is a matter of views and we are not trying to get every one to agree one way or another. my point in the first post was the young bride who died - it was such a waste - accidents happen i know - but this was one that could have never happened.
there is such a thing as photoshopped pics - and they can do wonders with doctored up videos to make you look like you are doing all sorts of stuff.
have fun and be safe - that's all i say!!

SCTK519 Posts: 2,086
9/2/12 11:11 P

I'm sure they would, but not everyone thinks that way; some people have money and feel entitled to things. If you've ever seen an episode of My Sweet 16 on MTV or Bridezilla, Say Yes to the Dress, etc, you know it. I think the whole trash the dress thing is dumb, but it's also not up to me to tell someone not to do it. It's not like my mother or grandmother made the dress or that's it's custom made elsewhere;David's Bridal, for example, is a chain store that's cranking them out and it's a faceless, nameless person you're never gonna meet in your life, much like Any other piece of clothing you own. It's not like they aren't compensated for their blood, sweat & tears. People buy homes and destroy them ALL the time; it's called remodeling and someone else worked very hard to build that bathroom or deck, etc that you've just torn down to redo and the person who buys the house after you might do the same and do you care?

I think there's a certain type of person who would trash the dress and I would include entitled people, those who don't think of how much the dress costs or the sentimental value of it and just want to get their picture taken again. I'm not destroying mine because I'm not about to destroy something I paid good money for, love, and have a sentimental attachment to; I'm thinking of maybe someday revamping it into something I can wear out. I think most people that posted here, including myself, feel that donating it is a much, much better option than destroying it.

Edited by: SCTK519 at: 9/2/2012 (23:24)
MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,577
9/2/12 9:57 P

I bet if Bill Gates or Oprah dropped $100 they would bend over and pick it up. Both came from humble beginnings. They strike me as thankful for all they have.

If someone buys a car and crashes it on purpose. Or buys a mansion and burns it down, they would be prosecuted. Doing such is a criminal offense. Reckless driving and arson.

OK so destroying your dress is not a criminal offense, but someone poured their blood, sweat and tears into that dress. So destroying it just because you can unfathomable.

Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 9/2/2012 (22:05)
MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,577
9/2/12 9:52 P

I believe that just because someone buys something it doesn't give them the right to destroy it.

My mom made a doll and worked hard on it. She donated it to the church bizaare. The women who bought it gave it to a child that destroyed it in about five minutes.

My mom found out about the doll. The woman thought it was cute and funny. My mom was not amused.

Being a craftsmen, I know the value and hard work that go into things like Wedding
Dresses. Even if a girl has a lot of disposable income, I think it is a consumerism gone wrong.

SCTK519 Posts: 2,086
9/2/12 8:29 P

If someone buys the Mona Lisa, it's theirs to do whatever they want with it. It doesn't mean though that you or I can't think if they destroy it, that that is wasteful or dumb. I agree that the best idea if you're not going to keep it is to donate it, but I also think that's everyone's choice and I think that girls who potentially have no wedding budget, for example, are less likely to be mindful of how much is spent on a dress they'll only wear once. It reminds me of the Bill Gates analogy where if he dropped an $100 bill on the ground, he's worth enough that it's not worth his time to pick it up. I don't think the girls who can spend as much as they want on a wedding dress would necessarily be aware of how much they are then throwing away if they chose to trash the dress.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,577
9/2/12 8:13 P

It is my belief that just because you spend a lot of money on something or just a little. I don't believe that anyone should destroy a dress.

Even if the bride no longer wants her dress, someone would want it.

I sew a little and make crafts. These dresses are works of art.

Imagine if someone bought The Mona Lisa and then destroyed it just because they felt they had the right.

Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 9/2/2012 (20:14)
SCTK519 Posts: 2,086
9/2/12 8:10 P

I'm not okay with it, BROADBRUSH, but my point is the person who can afford a dress that is thousands of dollars I would bet isn't thinking that they only wear the dress for one day and then it sits in a closet. I would say that type of person is less practical than a person who buys a dress on resale or buys one off the sales rack at David's. Money is not an object to them, whereas say a bride is paying for her own wedding, then she's going to be more mindful of where the money is going & how much is spent. I see someone who buys a multi-thousand dollar dress as foolish. I mean do you really think that someone who is spending 2 months worth of paychecks on a wedding dress is really concerned about money?? People who buy BMWs aren't concerned about gas mileage or cost...if they were, they'd be buying Honda Civics. They clearly aren't thinking about cost when they buy the dress so I don't see why they would start when considering whether to trash it or not.

I have no intentions of trashing my own dress because 1) I like it and 2) I am aware of how much I spent on it and don't feel like throwing that money away. That said though when you purchase a dress you only wear once whether you feel sentimental about it later or not, the money's gone. Even if someone donates the dress, which seems to go against your ideas of cherishing the dress for all time, the money is gone & essentially wasted depending on how you look at it.

Edited by: SCTK519 at: 9/2/2012 (20:21)
LEELOODIUM SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 24
9/2/12 6:42 P

This trend isn't that bizarre to me since I think buying an expensive wedding dress is as good as throwing money away anyway. Whether it's trashed that day or sits in a closet (or where ever) the rest of it's existence doesn't seem to make a difference.

BROADBRUSH Posts: 1,806
9/2/12 4:52 P

@sctk - so with that reasoning - you are ALRIGHT WITH SOMEONE CRASHING a BMW cause they could afford to? or burning down a mansion cause they could afford it in the first place? wow - i don't get that reasoning at all.
it is not the money we are talking about here.

SCTK519 Posts: 2,086
9/2/12 12:43 A

The cost of the dress could impact this in two ways: if you paid say less than $100 for the dress, trashing it isn't a big deal. If you paid thousands of dollars on the dress as a previous poster mentioned, you could still trash the dress cause let's be honest if you're spending thousands of dollars on a dress, you're not concerned about money.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,577
9/1/12 2:05 P

Although I should add, the women I personally know. Whether they spent thousands or hundreds. They didn't trash their dress.

On another message board. One young woman I conversed with. She said she wouldn't want the dress any more. She didn't want anyone else to have it. It was her Daddy's money and her right to destroy the gown. I tried to convince her to give the dress to Brides Against Breast Cancer. I hope that is what she did.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,577
8/31/12 9:20 P

I don't get this whole trash the dress trend either. That is tragic that a bride drowned trashing her dress.

I heard of one bride splattering her dress with sundae toppings. Another where the bride set her gown on fire. And another where a bride took off her dress and then threw it in the ocean. Letting the waves wash it away. Makes me scratch my head.
At least she was wearing a swimsuit. That is the only smart thing she did.

I do know women who have spent thousands on their gown. These dresses are made by hand and even beaded by hand. That is why they are so expensive. The fabric is hard to work with and slippery. I think theses gowns are worth the expense.

HERA2012 Posts: 43
8/31/12 12:15 P

wow a polar plunge is awesome:)

If people want to donate the dress I think thats nice. I also really like some of the trash the dress pictures and also the possible spiritual emotional significance of the act. I plan on buying a very simple made inexpensive dress because I do not see the point in that level of consumerism but that’s just me. Maybe its because I am in the start of the wedding planning process but seeing the pictures of the bride dismantling the dress is kind of touching. A shedding of being a bride and now being apart of a married partnership.

The women who drowned is a sad story and hopefully a lesson learned so no one has to die in this way ever again.


Edited by: HERA2012 at: 9/14/2012 (13:19)
8/30/12 9:06 A

i got an awesome deal ($45) on my dress on ebay. it's beautiful and i plan to polar plunge in the gulf of mexico in it

BROADBRUSH Posts: 1,806
8/29/12 3:39 P

thx - maybe you should mention what we have been suggesting here so all those poor dresses can be freed to pay it forward - lol BB

LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 26,763
8/29/12 1:56 P

"hi luann - i guess you did not read the entire post - i said donation, revision and revamping were some of the options. not burying it anywhere."

Ummm... you guessed wrong. I DID read the entire post. In fact, I read BOTH of yours, along with the others And I agree with the options you listed.

However, most people I know do have their dresses in their closets. The drycleaning businesses do well with the preservation of the gowns and accessories!
But I stand by what I said.. that re-using the dress, even in that fashion, is better than doing nothing with it.

Edited by: LUANN_IN_PA at: 8/29/2012 (13:57)
BROADBRUSH Posts: 1,806
8/29/12 1:38 P

hi luann - i guess you did not read the entire post - i said donation, revision and revamping were some of the options. not burying it anywhere.
i know many brides that have spent thousands - in fact the minute you go into the bridal shop you are probably looking at a mark down at $999.00.
i am glad you did not have to spend that kind of money -
and that is exactly my point - you do buy a dress and perhaps some one else can also benefit from it.
thanks for weighing in - of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 26,763
8/29/12 11:29 A

First off, I don't know a single bride who spent thousands on a dress. Seriously!

My take on this...
Taking a unique memorable photo in your dress - even if it gets trashed - is better then hermetically sealing it and burying it in your closet for 50 years.

SCTK519 Posts: 2,086
8/29/12 10:11 A

You're right about families going into debt for weddings and I understand that it seems ridiculous to spend all this time and money only to seemingly throw it away when you 'trash the dress'. My thought was just to say that the whole wedding thing has really gotten out of hand and the trash the dress while silly & not something I think I'd do, I don't think it's any sillier than spending $400 for a cake that's tiered & feeds 100 people when you could get the same cake non tiered for more people for less. I was thinking too as I was reading your post that one of the crazy things about the trash the dress fad is that you've spent all this money on the wedding and the dress and the photographer, etc. You end up just spending more to trash it! Seems so silly; I'm sure some day it'll be a standard wedding expense. I don't know how much damage actually gets done to the dress either; I feel like some of the ones I've seen out there you could still take the dress in to be cleaned & preserved and it would be fine. :) I agree with you that it just seems so pointless to do; I think we both reach the same conclusion just for different reasons. :)

Edited by: SCTK519 at: 8/29/2012 (10:20)
BROADBRUSH Posts: 1,806
8/29/12 9:13 A

Hi SC - that was exactly my point - why not go to WAL MART or SEARS and pick up something lovely - i think you misunderstood -
and as far as respect - i mean it would be like you making a lovely cake for a dessert and then some one saying - lets throw it against the wall! i am not sure if you get it - but for all your effort and lovely gesture to bring cake - how would you feel.
also - i would not spend that kind of money- but many many brides and their families go into debt for an expensive gown. all i meant was - that is pretty disrespectful as well . would you take money for a car then smash it into a tree on purpose? of course not!.
so i hope you understand - i believe in paying it forward and yes - donating is a special and lovely gesture. i also know many seamstress/tailors who can turn that dress in to something else - (prom dress, etc) and how thoughtful for the happy girl that gets it.
thanks for your input - BB

SCTK519 Posts: 2,086
8/29/12 7:52 A

While I agree that the trash the dress fad seems ridiculous and I don't really see the point. I think that could also be said about almost all the things that you said about the dress here; I also certainly don't think it's disresepctful. No one in the world cares as much about a wedding as the bride, no one. Why is it the expectation that you're buying a multihundred or even multithousand dollar dress for a single day; you're not even in that thing for 24 hours?! Why are you dieting so severly? You haven't been 100 lbs since you were 12. I've been married almost a year and no one has asked me at any point what's happening with the dress; no one cares. I don't see the point in going broke or taking out a loan, etc. for one day of your life. You can make it special and thoughtful without breaking the bank on a dress or anything else. The dress doesn't encapsulate my relationship with my husband; it doesn't encapsulate someone's relationship with their partner who doesn't get married, so I'm not really sure what there is to cherish about it; in my 30 years, I saw my mother's dress Once! Otherwise, she kept in a box in the basement, like I'd assume most people do. I saw something on pintrest where someone framed it, but really where are you gonna hang to the frame of your husband's tux I suppose. :) I think marriage has changed a lot too; it's no longer the end all and be all of a woman's life. I didn't go to college to find a husband; I went to college so I could get a good education, meet lifelong friends, and get a great job. People don't spend their lives waiting to get married anymore and so while I still think the day you get married is really really important and incredibly special; I also think people should invest more in the rest of their lives than that one day.

I think it's sweet when people have it made into a baptismal gown for their kids if their religious. I think it's difficult to pass a wedding dress down to someone because of a lot of reasons: changing styles, different body types, etc. It gets hairy too if you think your dress was fabulous & still is and your daughter doesn't. If you've cherished the dress that much, you may feel bad if they don't want it or if they want to revamp it a bit to make it work for them.

I really like your idea of donating it; I think that is absolutely the way to go if you don't know what to do with it or if you don't feel emotionally attached to it. Because it's only worn once, they're always in great condition.

BROADBRUSH Posts: 1,806
8/28/12 8:44 P

a young bride drowned doing this ridiculous new fad - apparently you take pictures and make a video of bride walking into stream, lake, pond with dress on - this is so WRONG on so many levels - where to begin.
first of all you spend months looking for the 'perfect dress'
usually an import - something which may have taken hours to create, hand bead, etc.
lace from france, silk from italy etc etc
you buy it - at a cost of thousands of dollars - your mom usually pays for it, or kicks in a bunch of money.
you go for numerous fittings - you diet until you are blind to fit into the thing
you look in the mirror with tears in your eyes - and your bridal party looks at you with tears in their eyes.
your dad, or other special male walks you down the aisle to all the ooooohs and aaahhhs and a standing ovation from the entire congregation and throng of guests and onlookers.
you hire a photographer and spend lots of time and money on pictures of you in this gorgeous creation.
the bride that drowned had a couture gown and it was absolutely stunning. when she walked in to the water and soaked - she became bogged down with over 100 pounds of dead weight. of course she did not ever think doing such a thing would cost her her life. and apparently it never occurred to any one else - come on - this is tragic - but it is stupid and a disaster of their own making. i don't usually blame the victim - but in this case i do and the entire entourage.
also- WHAT ARROGANCE - if you did not want to cherish this dress - box it for a memory and possibly your granddaughter to wear - how about donating to those less fortunate brides who cannot afford such a gown. how about having it refitted to be used like a possible evening gown, or recycling the material - a beautiful bassinette cover - a table runner for a hall table in a large foyer - on and on and on -
please to all you brides out there - don't TRASH YOUR DRESS or anything for that matter. it is disrespectful to you and everyone else involved.
i hope this 'fad' dies quickly - no pun intended.

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