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JIBBIE49 Posts: 73,098
5/5/12 8:39 A

Love yourself and DON'T QUIT.

SPARKER87 Posts: 366
5/5/12 2:25 A

Hey SparkPeople!!

I can't believe that it's been three years since I first found SPARKPEOPLE. I remember I started this journey because I needed a change, and in a way SP found me. I remember finally feeling like I found a place that helped me. A place with people wanting to change their lives for the better. A support system for every bump along the way...and a cheer teams for every milestone. In the beginning I was nearing 290 lbs. I remember thinking to myself ''I'm ten pounds away from being 300 lbs.'' I knew I didn't like this fact, but I didn't know what step to take to change myself.

Thinking to myself ''what's the next step?"---Just taking a step seems like the obvious answer, right? And it is...a step is really all it takes. But I needed more! My bestfriend called me and told me that she was engaged! Then, she said she wanted me to be her Maid of Honor! Wow! An honor that was. We started looking at dresses online and swapping Emails. I was so excited for her. We found this digital wedding planner and you it allows you to see a visual of your wedding; the hair, jewelry, possible back drop, and dress attire. ---Seeing my 'virtual model' (size 24 model) standing next to my friend's 'virtual model' (size 4 model) did not sit well with me. I started to think of the wedding photos, the way my dress would fit, everything---I wanted to not just feel great in a dress, in photos, at a wedding---I wanted to feel great for myself!


After discovering SparkPeople, I felt like I had just been handed valuable tools or cheatcodes that I had never known about. There were so many people like myself! I read success stories everyday. I also found people going through similar situations. I loved the articles and calorie counter! I loved getting rewards!

I bought a scale, stock piled the healthy foods, downloaded new music, bought a giant water bottle---I committed. I took a step. I weighed myself the first Saturday of each month. I didn't want to drive myself crazy with weigh-ins. I went from almost 290 lbs to 243 lbs in 6 months. I was the queen of self control! Oh yeah, this girl---turning down cupcakes at my nephew's birthday party, quenching my thirst with ice water instead of soda, and working out everyday---and loving it!!

I started to run a lot. I discovered all sorts of music in that few months. I would turn up my new playlists and just go. I also found old friends who had also wanted to get their 'sweat on', and we worked out together. I bought new clothes, spent three hours in the salon getting a new look, and started reading a lot more. It was a great feeling.

I'm sorry, as I'm writing this I'm getting this sense of nostalgia, and I'll explain why later.
But, anyway...I applied for a University and got my acceptance letter, and I left home. The second time in my life that I did something for me. (I'm trying really hard not to insert smiley faces everywhere).

College life: Met so many amazing people. Made a great impression with my professors, received a lot of requests and got offered a lot of opportunities from my professors---I was ecstatic! My self-esteem was shooting through the clouds! Did I mention I was dating more, walking a mile everyday (uphill) to class--3 to 4 times a day! I had so many workout partners! I also had my own personal trainer (my best-friend), I also had my own person chef (Cafeteria salad bars equipped with grilled talapia, fresh tuna, grilled chicken, and shrimp..oh, and huckleberry salad dressing! yum!)
So I thought that I would have lost weight---I didn't. But I did notice that a pair of jeans that I had purchased a year ago, that didn't fit me before (red ring around the tummy, cut off circulation when I sit down kinda jeans), actually fit quite well now. Weird, I did not lose any weight, but fit these jeans. I was working out more than I ever had in my entire life and was also eating the healthiest. I didn't understand it. Why just inches? (If you have the answer please let me know).

Summer came and Summer went---then school started again. This time I had my own place "bye-bye dorms". I had an awesome workout buddy! We did yoga, belly dancing, salsa, plyometrics, and walking. We also created healthy dishes every Sunday together while watching rented movies. I still weighed the same. I was seriously adding in more intense workouts---I would be sweating crazy afterwards. Sweating equals fat crying, am I right?
So towards Thanksgiving and all through December I got so busy that I was probably only eating 600 calories a day" fruit, green tea, oatmeal, spinach leaves, boiled chicken, and a cup of hot cocoa"--everyday. Trust me, I wasn't purposely only eating this amount of food a was all I had. I was busy and broke. I was still working out every night. I also had picked up the habit of weighing myself every Saturday. In 6 weeks I had lost about 20 pounds.

I had been on a plateau for a year, then suddenly a drop in weight. Was it because I cut my calories in half?? I was honestly....kind of pissed. I was eating 1200 calories a day, mixing up workouts consistently 5 days a total of 6-10 hours every week. And NOW my body wants to start shedding the pounds again?? I had my Thyroid checked, but that wasn't it. So again...if you have any input, give it to me.

So I moved back home in January. I decision that I was not happy about, but it was also necessary (Family issues). When I first arrived home, I realized everyone; my family, friends...everyone; celebrates in eating. For instance, I visited a friend and they were cooking breaded chicken and macaroni and cheese. Afterwards, one of them decided to go and buy three pizzas. The kitchen was stocked with soda and then there was a large cake for dessert. I ate some pizza. After I left my friends, another friend had called me to come over to her house. I went over and she insisted I try her new Asian noodles. She also just tried a new cookie recipe. ugh! Then I went home---where the donuts are piled high, and the fridge is stocked with sugary drinks. Also, my friends and family like to celebrate every weekend like it's Superbowl! steaks, burgers, tacos, cheesecakes, potato and macaroni salad! I must admit...even I was not strong enough to resist this constant feasting. I've gained 10 lbs back since I've been home. I've also not worked out in three weeks. I just feel tired and achy. I don't like this.

I thought at first I needed some shake of grand motivation once again...but I was consistent, I did it before...I STARTED here before. I know if I sit around and weight around (pun intended) that I'm just going to dig deeper. How do I say no to a family that INSISTS on eating fast foods and then they give you crap for not eating? How do I resist a kitchen full of junk?

So here I am again SPARKPEOPLE...and I'm reaching out. I know I have to be strong and learn to stand up FOR MY HEALTH AND WELL-BEING!

If you have any advice on a workout routine (I do weight training a couple times a week, I jog about 4-7 miles a week, and I dance or play basketball about 3 times a week). I did this for a couple years now and I like my routine, it fits with my schedule. Also, why isn't 1200 calories a day working for me? help please.

I hope this helped someone or reached out to someone. I'll be around for awhile.

Thank you sparkPEOPLE,


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