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7/19/12 8:01 A

Everyone else has said it all so well that there's little I can add, except this.

Divorce hurts. And when there are children involved, they can be hurt. So, while I applaud both your attitude and your determination, I also want to urge you to consider that you're likely to do at least a bit of grieving over the loss of your marriage and your child(ren) are likely to grieve over the loss of their dad in the family pix.

Thus, when setbacks appear overwhelming, as they will in such a trying situation, come back here for the support and encouragement you obviously did not get from your spouse.

Best of luck to you on your journey.

GMHALIK Posts: 3
7/18/12 5:05 P

He did't leave you because you have gained weight. He left you because he has a problem. He isn'r committed. I was married to one that he sounds like years ago. He was unhappy and wanted to be free of committment. He wanted a mom or maid not a partner. He blamed me...weight gain after having 4 babies in 5 years and I didn't have his tea refilled fast enough cause I was feeding or changing babies. Then when I started back to college he couldn't handle that either. So he blamed my weight and lack of taking care of him and left. I blamed myself for several years but as I watched him through the years, he did the same thing to several women...some of which were skinny! He has a committment problem, likes to have his ego fed, and has affairs to make himself feel good. He has hurt more people than you can count through the years. All this is said to try to show you that its not you ---ITS HIM! If he were committed to you, he would have bought a famiy gym membership or asked you to take a walk. Forget him but do what you have to do to make yourself healthy and fun for your child. Drop the weight for you - then enjoy watching his mouth drop but DO NOT GO BACK. Take it from someone that has been there. If its not your weight, he'll find some other way to drag you down, because he isn't going to want you to be better than him. He is an emotional abuser and they are the worst kind!

BZYBEADER SparkPoints: (16,546)
Fitness Minutes: (17,138)
Posts: 693
7/18/12 2:59 P

Good for you, Amber! Only you can make that very personal decision about whether or not to accept him back, but I think it's great you are taking a stand and doing it for YOU. :)

DMJAKES Posts: 1,635
7/18/12 1:48 P

Arhodes....good for you!! Happiness really is the best revenge. Do allow yourself to mourn the relationship and then move on to a new (and much better, I'm sure) phase in life.

STARDUST2K4 Posts: 1,376
7/18/12 12:27 P

I'm excited for you to run into him after you've lost all the weight. Those moments are priceless.
You don't need a person like that in your life. Way to stay positive!

TJ1TJ1 SparkPoints: (2,524)
Fitness Minutes: (473)
Posts: 285
7/18/12 11:37 A

"New Beginnings" I say, Get your work out on, get your mind right, get your look good on, and most importantly, don't let him steal your joy.

The weight gain and most likely other crappy stuff made him leave, some of which are his own issues. But whatever happens, if you guys work it out/if you let him back, stay focused, concentrate on building a better you. For you and your baby.

This is YOUR time! Make some changes to make you feel good.

LOTUS737 Posts: 4,630
7/18/12 9:35 A

I think it's great for you to have such a positive attitude. It is very hurtful for him to say that's the reason- I'm sure there was a lot more going on. Regardless, you'll find plenty of support and motivation here! Check out some sparkteams for a smaller community feel!

CINCYCHIC27 Posts: 306
7/18/12 9:23 A

Oh, wow, I mean.... wow.
I am also going through a divorce, though due to infedelity, but it may have been weight related as well.
Over the last 3 years I have lost 70-ish pounds. I look better than I ever have. Feel better than I ever have and he chose NOW to cheat on me??? And with a woman larger and less attractive than me. Go Figure?!?!
But let me say, it motivated me. I took all my stress and anger and headed straight for cycling class.
Lost 20 more pounds!
I recently celebrated July 6th. That was the day they were found in bed together last year.
That day last year, I was crushed.
This year, I was estatic. It was the best thing that could have happened to me.
I now have a new job.
A new SUPPORTIVE partner.
And a new sense of who I am.

Stay Strong!
And I say, good riddance!

BELLYDOG Posts: 2,466
7/18/12 9:21 A

Arhodes07, you've come to the right place if you want an attitude adjustment and lifestyle change. You might also want to purchase "The Spark", or better yet, get it at the library. It will show you how other areas of your life can be positively affected by your journey to better health. This journey will not be easy and it will not be short, but it can be completed. Break up the 50 pound goal into smaller 10 pound increments and it won't seem so daunting. And reward yourself everytime you achieve a goal. Good luck and stay strong, you are definitely worth the effort!

BRITOMART Posts: 8,332
7/18/12 8:29 A

I wonder how many of the 50# he's (at least partly) responsible for you gaining in the first place.

Good success to you.

MIRV22 Posts: 643
7/18/12 6:18 A

You most certainly do not want him back! What an awful thing to do. You can do this and you will be so much happier with both your extra weight AND him gone.

SBNORMAL Posts: 880
7/18/12 4:59 A

Stay strong, like the others said, he was looking for an excuse. You have lost a lot of weight just with him leaving, now getting to your 50 pounds, stay with Sparkpeople and exercise and eat healthy, you will lose it. emoticon emoticon

RADIOTIKSPARK1 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (2,813)
Posts: 638
7/18/12 3:03 A

I know divorced are complex but, speaking as an outsider, he sounds like someone that you are better off to be rid of. You deserve better than that and you know it. This is a great first step, but make sure you are getting healthy for YOU, not him. This is your time and your journey!

KOMTRIA Posts: 1,063
7/17/12 9:54 P

I find it hard to believe someone could be that shallow.'
Sorry, no one should be treated like that.
Seems to be he was needing an excuse.

ARHODES07 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 2
7/17/12 9:42 P

My name is Amber and my husband just left me because I have gained 50 pounds. I am using this as a motivator and to say that when I do lose the weight he will not be coming back. Also the stretch marks from a baby are battle wounds that I am proud of. Stay positive

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