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BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (108,021)
Fitness Minutes: (82,255)
Posts: 2,954
7/7/12 3:36 P

Hi there

My advice would be to turn your thinking from "diet" to permanent life style change.


KYRSTINRO Posts: 945
7/7/12 3:15 A

Let me know if you like it. I live off it during the hot days :))

STARDUST2K4 Posts: 1,376
7/5/12 3:19 P

Oooh I'm going to try that coffee recipe!

KYRSTINRO Posts: 945
7/2/12 6:48 A

Oh my all time frappe fav recipe:

1 cup water
1/2 cup ice
1 tsp sugar
2-3 tsp instant coffee
put in blender and mix
makes 2 cups

you can also add 1/4 cup soy milk (20 cal)

NOLAMAEW SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (356)
Posts: 35
7/1/12 5:40 P

Keep your head up. The comments made are very helpful and the longer you are on SP the better you will feel.

One thing that has helped me the most this time is to not be an "all or nothing". I have always jumped in head first and within a few weeks fell off the wagon because I felt horrible about what I "had" to do everyday and "had" to eat. Instead I decided that each good choice I make leads to another...naturally. Now instead of fretting about making mistakes or eating the wrong thing, I get excited and encouraged by making the smallest improved choices.

As for the family....take your family favorites and look up the recipes by Meg to see if you can find a healthier version. Sometimes its an easy exchange like "bake instead of fry" but the flavors are all still there. The number one thing is don't alienate yourself from your family instead try making meals that are good for all of you (and you don't have to tell them its healthy). They may not have weight issues but I'd say if they are eating food that you don't think you should eat they probably shouldn't eat it either.

Good luck sweetie, we are all rooting for you!!!!

TEACHFIRST268 SparkPoints: (27,710)
Fitness Minutes: (20,501)
Posts: 1,770
7/1/12 12:47 P

Wow...some great reading on this thread. Ashley, you're not alone, my friend! I, too, am working to change my mindset to accepting this as a lifestyle change, not a temporary fix or solution. I try to talk the talk, but deep down I know I haven't fully bought in. I am working to,'s a process!

I couldn't agree more with what folks here are saying. And yes, I get the whole depressed idea of being on a diet. "It's not fair! Fine, I'll NEVER enjoy ice cream again - accept it, fatso!" (I'm working on getting rid of my negative self-talk, too!) I'm really working to find ways to incorporate these things so I DON'T feel deprived. I have to compromise a lot, but hopefully it will get easier.

In your case, I think setting mini goals to accomplish, conquer, and build upon might be your ticket. And I think you've unearthed what your first one should be. The ice coffee habit!!
Take a week or so and see if you can find a healthier alternative. Do not deprive yourself of the iced coffee, but explore and experiment with ways you can enjoy it that are healthier. Folks here have offered suggestions to try. (I'm DD coffee girl, myself!) Take a week to find something you can live with, feel good about the fact that it's healthier, live with it for a week or two, then find something else you can change, adapt, or add (exercise would be great!).

You seem like a baby-stepper. Don't be overwhelmed at the big picture, take it a little step at a time. And keep coming back here for support when you need it!!!

KYRSTINRO Posts: 945
7/1/12 11:58 A

@ASHELY_: i have coffee daily, but i always drink it black. coffee doesn't make you fat, what you put in it does. so cut back on the sugar and milk.

I lost 40 lbs wt SP back in 2006. Kept them off until mid-2010 then starting putting them back on. not all of them, but still. what happened? injury, divorce, medication...and eating crap. didn't fall back to all my back habits but certainly some ....

since jan 2012 i'm trying to get back to my happy weight which is a very slow process. I am 6 yrs older, I am passed 30 and the body doesn't want to lose weight so easily now. I walk for miles , easily, so my body is used to working out's MUCH harder now, but I do not quit.

since jan i averaged 2 lbs loss a month. that's NOT much, but it's something ; so what if it takes me another 4 months to get to the healthy weight for my 5'2" be it! I do not give up.

I am so happy to know that my body is feeling good abt the food and exercise. I don't deprive myself, i am just careful abt the quantities.

you can do it!

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (199,879)
Fitness Minutes: (298,793)
Posts: 27,304
7/1/12 6:41 A

Hey, Ashley ! I know it's hot out and people are inclined to drink more iced coffee, but at 150+ that's going to hurt your efforts at weight loss. How big is the cup you're drinking ? Because some of those fancy Starbucks or DD iced coffees can be as high as 400+ depending on the size of the cup. So, if you're drinking six per day, those calories add up fast.

Instead of having six, how about 1 or maybe 2 ? That will not only save you calories, it will save you $$$s too. Those iced coffees can be pricey.

If you'll looking for a drink to help cool you off, how about iced tea ? You can make you're own version using stevia instead of sugar. Stevia is a natural sweetener that has no calories. if you need something sweet to drink, try iced tea with Stevia.

You can also try to drink more water. Have your cup of iced coffee, but instead of having more cups, drink water. If you need a fizzy fix, try flavored sparkling waters like Poland Springs, Adirondak, Perrier, etc... they taste wonderful straight out of the frig.

So, as others have noted, if you want to lose weight, you're going to need to cut back significantly on that iced coffee. If you do this, you will lose weight. Basically, you're drinking all your calories.

BRITOMART Posts: 8,302
6/30/12 8:06 P

Yeah, it's "simple"--not 'easy', but simple.

You have to want to change,
and you have to accept that your body changes as you age, after birth, all sorts of things make a difference. It's priorities. No one can set those except you. No one can make you stick to them except you. When eating healthy matters more than 6 iced coffees a day, then you'll stop drinking the 6 iced coffees. It's simple: but it's NOT easy.

It does help to not keep the trigger foods/drinks in your house. That's kind of basic.

I wish you every success. You have your whole life to learn to live it well...that's both reassuring, and very, very unnerving!

Edited by: BRITOMART at: 6/30/2012 (20:10)
KCOGSWELL726 Posts: 58
6/30/12 7:00 P

That is way to much iced coffee at 150 calories a serving. Make your own, if it takes more energy to make it you may not bother as much. I am a regular coffee addict myself and found that I needed to change what I was adding to my coffee rather than stop drinking totally. Normally I would have made with Splenda and half & half (40 cals/serv). I then changed to Splenda and fat free half & half (18 cals/serv), now I make with Splenda & unsweetened coconut milk 5.5 cals/serv); and it tastes great. Play with different things, you may find you like something that you make up better than the pre-made iced coffee.

I have also found that you can not deprive yourself of anything that you like or you will end up frustrated and binge. I try to plan my meals for the day in the morning so I am able to work in an evening goody while still staying within my ranges of calories and other nutrients. I was never one to cook or bake much, pre-packaged, frozen or easy to make was always easier than trying to learn and take the extra time to prepare home cooked healthy meals and snacks, Not only was thins hurting me but my family also. Sparkpeople and Sparkrecipe sites have really helped me to learn new recipes and ways of preparing healthy meals for my family. Lots of fresh fruits and veggies are important too. I was so bad, I went to the farmers market and didn't know what half of the vegetables were.

I grew up over weight in a family of obese people, I do not want this for my children. I will be honest, in 2006 I had gastric bypass surgery and lost all the weight. I actually lost too much, so I decided to put a FEW pounds back on so I would be at a health weight. Well that was way to easy, I very easily fell back into my old eating habits and ended up gaining 40 pounds more than I planned on. So here I am. Honestly I wish I had found SparkPeople a long time ago, maybe I would not of needed the surgery, Four months ago I felt like crap most of the time, now that I am eating healthy (even healthier than after surgery) I feel great. The 40 pounds that I have been trying to lose has been coming off slowly but like I said I feel great so I am happy. And further more, I am helping my children learn to make healthier choices so they hopefully will never need to deal with obesity.

I just made an amazing dessert. 1 cup of sliced fresh strawberries (46 cals), 0.5 TBSP Polanders Sugar Free Strawberry Preserves (5 cals), 0.5 cup Turkey Hill Fat Free/No Sugar Added Vanilla Bean ice cream (70 cals), 3 TBSP Sugar Free Cool Whip (30 cals) total of 151 cals for a large strawberry sundae. Experiment, there are ways of having what you like in moderation or in a healthier way. I honestly believe I will be totally able to live the rest of my life eating the way I do now and be extremely happy. Best of luck, keep us in the loop, we are all here to help each other.

ZORBS13 SparkPoints: (199,401)
Fitness Minutes: (194,898)
Posts: 15,862
6/30/12 6:02 P

stop buying the iced coffee. Make it so that you have to brew every cup one at a time.

ASHELY_ Posts: 7
6/30/12 5:41 P

How can I stop my addiction to coffee? I have to have it everyday and I used to only get it a few times a week until international delight came out with their iced coffee that comes in a half gallon and now I can easily access it since it's right in my fridge :/

ASHELY_ Posts: 7
6/30/12 5:38 P

Thank you guys for all the great advice! I'm not trying to diet, I'm trying to make lifestyle changes, but it seems impossible.
I completely cut out soda and no difference and the last time I lost weight I cut out soda and lost 5 pounds so I honestly don't know why losing weight is so hard to me now.
I am in no way cutting out my favorite foods I just cant be satisfied unless I'm eating crazy proportions of them.
Like iced coffee is my worst enemy each serving I have is 150 cals, but I'd say I atleast drink 6 servings a day and to try to make up for it I cut out food instead of coffee. Which of course I know isn't healthy emoticon

Edited by: ASHELY_ at: 6/30/2012 (17:39)
ASHELY_ Posts: 7
6/30/12 5:33 P

"There is a perception that when a person loses weight and becomes "thin", they can eat whatever they want because their bodies have changed. This is a misconception. If a person wants to take the weight off and keep it off, they have to maintain all the healthy habits they adopted to take it off in the first place. You can't go bad to your old habits. If you do, you'll gain all the weight back and then some. "

The thing about that is when I lost weight for my first time, I lost almost 40 pounds and then I went back to all my old habits and the weight stayed off for two years until I got pregnant. I guess maybe now things are different?

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (199,879)
Fitness Minutes: (298,793)
Posts: 27,304
6/30/12 4:01 P


As others have already noted, losing weight and being healthy shouldn't be a diet. Diets don't work. they are short term solutions. You want a life time solution. That means the changes you make today to lose weight and be healthy, you keep for the rest of your life, not the amount of time it takes to lose the weight.

There is a perception that when a person loses weight and becomes "thin", they can eat whatever they want because their bodies have changed. This is a misconception. If a person wants to take the weight off and keep it off, they have to maintain all the healthy habits they adopted to take it off in the first place. You can't go bad to your old habits. If you do, you'll gain all the weight back and then some.

I suspect the reason you get depressed when you try to lose weight is that you're trying to do too much too soon. Perhaps your goals are just too ambitious. As a result of trying to maintain these lofty goals, you're ending up being frustrated. Also, Spark People has never been about deprivation. You don't have to deprive yourself to be healthy. But, you do have to learn portion control. And that isn't easy.

No one ever became a healthy eater over night. It's impossible. That's why Spark People encourages its members to start with some simple changes first. Example, if you're not used to eating 6-9 servings of fresh fruit and veggies each and every day, set a goal to eat 2-3 servings each day for one week. if you're not used to drinking 8 glasses of water, set a goal to drink 2-4 glasses each day for one week. if you're not used to regular exercise, set a goal to take a 30 minute walk each day for one week. Once you've achieved these goals. then you set new ones.

And that's how good health starts. It starts with some simple changes you CAN stick with. Don't look at weight loss and good health with an all or nothing mentality or you will end up failing. Every little bit does add up. All it takes is one small change. Because one small changes leads to another and another and another. Before you know it, all those small changes add up into one huge accomplishment.

So, let me ask you, what simple changes do you think you could try ? What would you be willing to do for one week to change your life forever ?

BRITOMART Posts: 8,302
6/30/12 3:38 P

What do you call 'dieting'? I mean, eating healthy IS a diet, but it isn't a deprivation, well, it doesn't have to be, not with practice.

If you just don't like self-discipline, that's another problem (mine, by the way!) and it needs to be addressed on its own terms.

6/30/12 3:35 P

Make sure that the foods you are taking in have enough nutrients in them! We often forget that our mental state is generated by our body. Our thoughts are a biological creation. If you aren't getting the nutrition you need to support your mind, you can find yourself suddenly depressed or anxious. Do some research on what sorts of foods nourish your brain!

STARDUST2K4 Posts: 1,376
6/30/12 1:46 P

But of course, there is more to losing weight than how well clothes fit. I go through that all the time. I'll try on clothes and shoes-especially high heels! but what it really boils down to is "where the heck am I going to ever wear that?" so my motivation for losing weight is not the clothing, but the way my body can move.
Yes, I was happy eating everything I wanted, but I was also unhappy with what it had done to my body.
Personally, when I was starting this, I was miserable and depressed too, but I realized that it spoke to how addicted (emotionally) to food I was/am. Why should happiness be defined as eating whatever you want? What about getting out and jogging a few miles? Just as being happy isn't defined in wearing all the cute clothes you want, on the other end of the spectrum, being happy shouldn't be defined as just being able to eat with abandon.
Losing weight stops being miserable when you have a goal in mind that you'd do anything to achieve.

PCVCHRISTINE SparkPoints: (21,364)
Fitness Minutes: (57,082)
Posts: 135
6/30/12 1:30 P

Instead of going on a diet, try to look at each of the meals that you eat (and each of the different activities that you partake in) as an opportunity to make a healthy decision. That is when diet transforms itself into a lifestyle.

You said in your profile that you've used Sparkpeople successfully in the past. Can you think about some of the motivations that you used in the past? Or some new things that might motivate you now? I find it helpful to have a visual reminder of why I'm making the decisions that I'm making.

Good luck ;)

BUBRA007 SparkPoints: (14,384)
Fitness Minutes: (7,426)
Posts: 754
6/30/12 1:13 P

I always start "diets" this way...feeling super deprived and miserable watching the hubby and kids eat all the decadent foods I wish I could have. This time with Spark...I've been on the wagon 4 weeks now..its been different. I am eating a lot more fruits and vegetables, but I'm also eating the same as everyone else too. For example, I had 2 slices of pizza last night for dinner, and I still stayed within my calorie range. Its all about tracking for me and fitting what I really CRAVE and WANT into my daily allotment. I know I can do it this time because its a lifestyle. I'm not in the back of my head thinking...once I'm off this diet I'm going to eat XYZ...which every other time when trying to lose weight, I would.

I get the whole hating trying clothes on the end of last school year, I was just wearing dresses because all of my pants were too tight and/or didn't fit!! I love how I feel now. I am motivated, I eat those "bad" non-diet foods, but in moderation. Good luck, just start and every day you will start to feel a tiny bit better!

SP_COACH_NANCY SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (112,042)
Posts: 46,222
6/30/12 1:08 P


Diets don't work and the reason they are just temporary fixes for a life-long journey. What does work is making this journey one that you can stay on for a lifetime. While this doesn't mean you can eat whatever you want as often as you want, it does not mean total deprivation. Same is true for exercise. You do not have to work hours on end to live a healthy lifestyle. Just a 30 minute brisk walk that gets your heart rate up 5 times a week is all it takes.

I once read a really great analogy regarding healthy living...this experts used the analogy of putting on your oxygen mask first before putting on your child's because if you don't care of you first, who will be there to take care of your child. I absolutely love this analogy...taking care of you, will allow you to take care of others in your life.

Be strong!

Coach Nancy

ASHELY_ Posts: 7
6/30/12 12:42 P

Thanks, but I am not happy with my weight at all. It doesn't help that my fiance, friends and mom all tell me I'm fine just the way I am but its obvious that I'm over weight.
I have no support at all emoticon

ROCKQUEEN88 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (1,120)
Posts: 85
6/30/12 12:38 P

If you are happy the way you are then by all means do NOT diet! If you want to lose weight for YOU then you need to find a happy medium between the two. I know myself, I sure as heck do not like exercising and eating healthy and all that, but I have found the longer I do this, the better I feel. There is nothing more satisfying then finding your inner goddess.

ASHELY_ Posts: 7
6/30/12 12:33 P

So when I'm dieting and exercising, I'm sooo unbelievably unhappy. When I'm not dieting life seems good except when I'm putting on clothes or looking in the mirror, but other than that I'm happy, lazy & eating everything I want and way too much of it. The thing is though that I still want to lose weight but it seems like when I do I get depressed and then go on crazy binges and I figure life is too short to base my happiness on how well my clothes fit.

So should I be happy and fat or skinny and unhappy (answer seems obvious but its a lose-lose to me)
Can anyone relate?
How can I make losing weight not so miserable?

Edited by: ASHELY_ at: 6/30/2012 (12:37)
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