The secret is" It takes two to have a conflict, and only one to end it". There is always some truth in the issue that created the conflict, however great or small it may be . Learning to accept the truth is hard and part of the secret.
The other part of the secret is lowering your shield of defense and coming out from behind the shields. Your opponent now has two choices: Take a cheap shot at you (which may hurt), or to lower his shields also.