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They say kids these days are overweight because we don't get enough vigorous exercise. Maybe we should chew faster!

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I eat right, I exercise, I don't drink or smoke… but I'm still going to die someday? That changes everything! Give me the chair and half of your sandwich or no unconditional love for you! If you put a crouton on your sundae instead of a cherry, it counts as a salad. First we insert a balloon to open the clogged artery, then we fill the balloon with helium so you weigh less. With this new drug, cholesterol forms outside the body, where it can't clog the arteries.
You gave up fast food and lost 100 pounds. The bad news is, you've developed a styrofoam deficiency. Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. I think that means being thin feels as good as tasting nothing. Vegetables are very good for you, but don't overdo it. You're suffering from greenhouse gas! When you deprive your body by dieting, it may interpret this as starvation and adapt as necessary to survive. I'm the only dog at the park without an iPod!
You exercise six days a week, drink lots of water, and eat low-fat meals with plenty of fiber. Medical experts have recently discovered that sort of thing will kill you! The first Food Pyramid was built in ancient Egypt by a Pharoah who hated vegetables so much he buried them at the bottom.

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