SparkPeople Funnies

They say kids these days are overweight because we don't get enough vigorous exercise. Maybe we should chew faster!

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Those are your three wishes? Chocolate-flavored lettuce, chocolate-flavored chicken and chocolate flavored tuna! Of course donuts are good for you. They're hole grain! What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day? If you swallow potato chips without chewing, they act like little snowplows and clear all the cholesterol out of your arteries! I didn't start gaining weight until my boss sent me to that personal growth seminar!
Cholesterol is good for you. It clogs your arteries so you don't bleed as much when you get a cut! Well, we can try, Ma'am. But to my knowledge, nobody has ever sued a dressing room mirror before. Because criticizing your old girlfriends burns more calories than sitting quietly, that's why! If you haven't exercised in awhile, you may need to stretch and warm up before you stretch and warm up. I'm 63 in dog years. Respect your elders and let me have the chair.
I can't run early in the morning. When my buns of steel bang together, it sounds like two trash can lids! First my ball rolled under the sofa, then my water dish was too warm, then the squeaker broke on my rubber pork chop. I've had a horrible day and I'm totally stressed out!!!

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