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Diet Myth #173: Eating the candles on your birthday cake helps you burn calories.

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It's a pacemaker for your heart, plus you can download apps for your liver, kidneys, lungs, and pancreas! If you swallow potato chips without chewing, they act like little snowplows and clear all the cholesterol out of your arteries! I didn't start gaining weight until my boss sent me to that personal growth seminar! Cholesterol is good for you. It clogs your arteries so you don't bleed as much when you get a cut!
Well, we can try, Ma'am. But to my knowledge, nobody has ever sued a dressing room mirror before. Your new pacemaker includes a Pac-Man game that gobbles up the cholesterol in your arteries! Because criticizing your old girlfriends burns more calories than sitting quietly, that's why! Our Heart-Smart Pizza is tomato sauce, pepperoni, sausage, meatballs, and mozzarella cheese served on two defibrillator paddles.
If you haven't exercised in awhile, you may need to stretch and warm up before you stretch and warm up. I'm 63 in dog years. Respect your elders and let me have the chair. I can't run early in the morning. When my buns of steel bang together, it sounds like two trash can lids! First my ball rolled under the sofa, then my water dish was too warm, then the squeaker broke on my rubber pork chop. I've had a horrible day and I'm totally stressed out!!!

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