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You know you are a SparkPeople member when the scale is your friend and not your foe.

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It's normal for a man your age to have chest pains when he drips hot, melted pizza cheese on his shirt. It's different when you get older. When you're my age, visions of sugar plums dance on your thighs. No, I don't know if the Gingerbread man was gluten-free There's a thin person inside me screaming to get out. Can you prescribe something to sedate him so I can hear my TV programs? How many packs of gum would I need to chew to burn as many calories as two miles of jogging?
Dinosaurs didn't smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, or eat junk food… and where are they now!? Obesity is a symptom of modern technology. Your mouth has a broadband connection to the nutrition superhighway. My diet says I can have 1800 calories per day. It doesn't say anything about NIGHT! This magazine says we can lose 50 pounds in a week by eating chocolate cake three times a day. Finally, a diet that makes sense! You know it's time to improve your diet when you get carpal tunnel from dipping french fries in ketchup!
To prevent a heart attack, take one aspirin every day. Take it out for a run, then take it to the gym, then take it for a bike ride… After I lose 20 pounds, I'm moving to a new apartment. When my weight comes back, it won't know where to find me!

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