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My doctor told me to start my exercise program very gradually. Today I drove past a store that sells sweat pants.

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I love crawling, but like most forms of cardio, it's murder on the knees! Cholesterol in my veins is a good thing-- it leaves less room for germs and viruses! Gravity has lowered my chest, my stomach, and my butt! Why hasn't it lowered my cholesterol? I've always been a high achiever, always striving for bigger, faster, greater… and now suddenly I'm expected to settle for lower blood pressure and less cholesterol?
It's easy to tell the difference between good cholesterol and bad cholesterol. Bad cholesterol has an evil laugh. My heart has survived 16 girlfriends, 7 fiancees and 4 ex-wives. You think my heart is afraid of a cheeseburger?! A low carb diet is bad for you! One of my patients slipped on some bacon grease and broke her toe! I don't count calories or carbs. Dieting is hard enough without math!
I can't drink alcohol on my low-carb diet. I'll just have a couple shots of gravy with a twist of bacon. My bones are getting softer, but my arteries are getting harder so it balances out. I did a 30-0minute workout today: 15 minutes looking for my sneakers, 10 minutes looking for my sweat pants and 5 minutes on the treadmill. We have an excellent employee health plan: we built our parking garage 2 miles away from the office!

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