SparkPeople advertisers help keep the site free! Learn more
Member Comments for the Article:
11 Nice Ways to Say 'No' to Food Pushers
Politely Turn Down Food at Parties and Gatherings
140 Comments
KATIEMAY76
11/16/2011 8:17:51 AM
This is very common in the South. I was raised by champion food pushers. People have some very interesting reactions when you start changing your diet. I do not eat meat or dairy anymore. I have learned to not say anything, just eat the things I want and make no excuses. A simple "No, thank you." SHOULD be enough, so if it isn't- that is not MY problem. They seem to take it very personally, as if I am judging them for eating things simply by NOT eating them myself.
My family pushes left over food on us when we leave family dinners at Mom's. We welcome the cake, cookies, pastry, donuts, and candy. They want to feel good giving it to us. Why argue?
We used to just throw it away when we got home, maybe freeze the cookies to bring to social events, but lately, we swing by Occupy and drop off our excess sweets at the kitchen. They loved that half of a birthday cake . . .
As for the leftovers argument, why not ask for a baggie of some to take home for later when you're not so full. You don't necessarily have to eat it, but it will make the cook happy that you wanted some more.
I have many "food pushers" at work and instead of indulging, I'll bring my own snack. Like today, there was homemade fudge that I "just had to try" and I simply mentioned "Thanks, but I don't care for walnuts" and instead I had some trail mix I brought from home. Success!
I guess another thing to think about is cultural issues. In some places, a first offering of food or drink is automatically refused, A good host would never accept that you really meant you didn't want anything, so a second or third offer would be made, until you 'allowed' yourself to be persuaded to take something. A host who accepted your refusal and didn't offer again would be seen as stingy or ill-mannered.
We also need to remember that we're the ones who are changing, and refusing Aunt Sally's homemade pie or Cousin Elmo's heavily laced eggnog could be seen as a slight, and in some families -- okay, mine in particular -- this could lead to years' worth of feuding. Food has all sorts of meanings beyond simple nourishment; sometimes food is an expression of love, and rejecting the food is seen as rejecting the person who provided it. If a lie, white, gray or rainbow-colored, will avoid hurt feelings, I really don't believe it will irreparably damage my soul. (Your mileage may vary.)
"No, thank you" really should be all we need to say, but for some of us it just doesn't work that way.
I had a friend who had quit drinking alcohol, and he would refuse drinks with, "Not just yet, thank you." About midway through the party, he'd switch to, "No more for me, thanks."
I apologize if I accidentally offend anyone with normal relatives. I envy you.
Good article but I don't believe in telling any sort of lie because I never lie. Usually when someone here offers me treats I just look at them and say' Thanks but I'm trying to quit' and that makes them laugh so they go to the next person. There are a lot of bakers here constantly putting out goodies and I very seldom eat them. We just had our Holiday Bazaar and I had to bake two apple and two peach pies in my oven and that about drove me crazy because I really wanted to eat a slice of each. but being for sale, I could not. The craving went away and I was able to let others buy the pies and I never got a slice. LoL
I agree with others: honest, polite refusal is much better than lying, "little" or otherwise. Humor is fine too, but a simple "No thank you" is usually sufficient.
AZWALKINGFAN
11/15/2011 1:47:45 PM
I too believe being direct is best, however some situations are still difficult.
My mom would put food on our plates, then harangue us about eating so much. If we left food on our plates, we were punished.
A little white lie is okay - first off, white lie is becoming a saying that belongs with the dinosaurs because colour should not describe a lie. Second, I echo what others say - lying is lying. I refuse to lie. If you have to lie to get out of a food situation, I'd suggest looking inwards as to the reason that you cannot stand up to someone who is pushing something on you that you do not want. The only reason to lie - if it is a life and death situation, such as happened when I had a gun pointed at me. I definitely lied and agreed with the man, he let me go. Food though, that's not life and death. Stand up for yourself, if you don't learn now how to say "no" then when will you?
Along the vein of using humor... "My clothes are allergic to... *item* - they always grow smaller!"... by the time someone figures out what I meant, I've wandered across the party away from the food. ;)
ARDENRN
11/15/2011 11:25:01 AM
Lying is not "nice" in any context regardless of how "little" or how "white" the lie. Besides, if you lie like this, you are prone to lying to yourself and under-estimating the calories you consume. I am very disappoonted in this advi e, and would like to see that stricken from this article.
Speak the truth, and if someone has a problem with you saying "No thanks", then they have the problem, not you.
