Great article with good tips. It will make facing the next 2 months much easier to deal with. Thanks
10/21/2012 6:26:26 AM
I get this more at work than anyplace else. Fortunately, I work with nice people who back off when I say no thank you. I'll get a few comments that will embarrass me a bit when I say no thanks, but they aren't nasty...more along the lines of "you have so much will power."
At a previous job it was harder. I worked in an office where almost all the women were overweight...and not interested in doing anything about it at that time. I would be sure to eat breakfast and bring a healthy lunch so that I could legitimately say I was full. They tended to just put pieces of cake or donuts or brownies on my desk... Most of the time.I'd let them sit there for a while and then take them back to the serving station, although, occasionally I'd cave and eat a small bit. Very hard when you're dealing with determined food pushers...especially people who should be eating healthier themselves. They take your refusal as an insult.
10/21/2012 3:58:20 AM
I just had this experience YESTERDAY! lol. There's a lil ol' lady in our building that plies me with treats galore! She's sweet but won't take no for an answer. Yesterday she offered me pastry bites which I took and shared with three other people and she tried to offer me AND MY CAT lollipops! Those I discretely left sitting right there. I don't like the idea of lying that is brought out in this article. There are other ways..
I think the lying is only to avoid a scene. I also would rather be honest and I'm willing to make a scene if presented with an insensitive food pusher, but there are times when an apt white lie would be easier on everyone present.
This is good advice with the holidays coming up. My mom gets upset if no one takes leftovers after a holiday dinner - she doesn't want to get stuck with all that food - so it's easier to take something someone else in my family likes that I don't.
I've had someone tell me they'd be really really offended if I didn't have a piece of the cake they'd brought for the office. My reply: "I'm sorry to offend you over something so trivial, but I don't eat cake."
Being polite is one thing, but lying to food pushers is counterproductive. I have had conversations that were like tennis matches, with people trying to get me to take leftovers home, try just a little bit of this or a taste of that, a tiny bit won't kill me, you have to live a little, self-denial isn't good for the soul, and so on. In general, I find that such people are not trying to sabotage anything, just determined that everyone enjoy themselves, and they only have their own yardstick to measure that by. At one party where there were mountains of food, the hostess tried to get me to take any number of things home with me. The only way I could make her stop was to tell her that if I took any of it home, it would only go straight down my garbage disposal, because it's not the kind of stuff I eat. She found other willing takers eventually.
I don't care for the dishonest responses. I'm ok with different responses for different types of people, but you shouldn't have to lie. If someone can't let it go once you say "no thanks," they may not be the best company... (I do realize sometimes it's family). But generally, I have found that in many cases, friends and family are very supportive--in fact, my grandmother even asks me what items she should make available whenever my husband and I are coming to dinner. :-) Good luck everyone!
I have to agree with the posts that are honest answers. I don't think "No, thanks" always works. It needs to be a stronger message sometimes. I dislike being rude. Taking the food and dumping it is wasteful and they will do that again to you. The message needs to be clear and strong enough for the person and situation. I just don't have a canned response.
I disagree with fibbing to make someone else feel better about pushing food at me. I have had enough people who do not support me, my decisions, or my healthy lifestyle. I do not need to make them feel good about not supporting me.
One of the things being on WW has taught me is how much less food I need than I used to think. People really don't get it when they don't have the same goals. Sometimes saying nothing is the best response. I don't think we need to defend our choices unless we want to have the conversation. We don't owe anyone an explanation. It is hard to get in trouble when you don't open your mouth!
Also, the advise to just have a bite of something to make someone else happy is one I would be careful about. If you want to eat it, fine. If you don't, then walk away and do what is best for you! You are the only one who can be responsible for your decisions.
8/21/2012 9:53:58 AM
Oh man, someone puts food on my plate after I say no, they better be ready to find it on their plate, the floor, the tablecloth, or be wearing it.
At work or school, I can almost always end the conversation with "I'm sorry, I can't eat that because it's not kosher." Very rarely will the person respond "yes it is, I made sure before I offered it to you!" or "we specifically bought the kosher [ice cream, cake, cookies] so that you could have some!" When that happens, I feel guilty saying no, because it's so nice of them to go out of their way to learn what I can eat.
When the person is Jewish, it's much harder, especially if they know the kosher dietary laws and know what you can and can't eat...we tend to be some of the biggest food pushers around!!! If the food is dairy, it works to say "oh, I just ate meat, I can't have dairy for [3 hours, 6 hours, whatever]."
Saying "the doctor says I have to lose weight" works wonders. Even the most diehard food pusher will usually back off when a doctor's orders are invoked. In the same vein, since I have chronic back problems, I can usually say "I have to lose 5 more pounds as quickly as I can so my back will stop hurting, it always hurts when I reach that threshhold." People generally don't want you to be in pain.
It's also easier when you can tell the person "I really overdid it yesterday/this morning, so I have to be careful what I eat tonight to make up for it." For some reason, knowing that you're not better than them helps some people to back off.
I don't encourage actual lying, but sometimes a truth can be tweaked just enough to make it work...for example, the doctor who told me to lose weight? That was true. He did tell me that -- 15 years ago, and I've lost 60 lbs since then...but I will keep quoting him forever!!!!
The first time offered a simple no thank you, the second time no for health reasons and if it goes to a third time it's not about me being polite; it's about me responding to a rude abusive person who is saying my goals and life is not worthwhile. Caving into abusive people and feeling bad about myself is what got me in this mess!
The third response is very easy. I just question if they really still want me to have it after I've just total them that it could harm me...if they give me a response anything less that no...I take whatever it is and dump it into the trash.
After a few years of this my circle of family and friends not only respect my food decisions but I arrive and there are healthy choices. My family is all eating clean at this point...just look back on my blog and see what my mother offered for Father's Day. This is not about making the world nice for rude people it is offering others the example of why being a Sparkperson is the healthy lifestyle. Be strong. Offer: no, no and then NO. It's your right to be proud of your body and you don't have to entertain people that insult and want to harm you. Those are not friends! And if family, you love them enough to give the example of being better and living longer.
With family, I let them know about my goal and how good it makes me feel to accomplish the goal before we get into a situation with food. When they really care, they tend to bake my food at gatherings or offer enough variety so there are healthy options.
With friends and parties, if I have interaction with the host before hand, I tend to make a "joke" asking them to hold me responsible for what I eat. They usually laugh it off but tend not to push food on me or even if they start they catch themselves and say "Oh, you're watching what you eat."
When you make other people feel apart of your success they tend to want to help you succeed.
I keeping running in to the "But I bought it especially for you" push. I usually just say "Thanks but i don't feel like any right now. I'll just leave it here though so I can have some the next time I'm over." Generally, if its something fattening, it has already been eaten by the next time I'm there. Problem solved!
Persistent pushers get "You're nothing but a feeder!"
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