What happened to a simple NO thank you and leave it at that? Maybe it's just me but it's not me that would be considered rude if I don't want to eat, it's others that try and push things on me. My friends know I just lost a ton of weight and as such they make jokes that I am getting too skinny (I can't afford to lose anymore) but they would never ever ever be so rude as to put food on my plate or push me past the point I have said no. Guess my friends and I are all too busy actually socializing rather than nosing into what others are and aren't eating.
I went to an early Halloween party last nite and it was a potluck of yummy foods. I had two meatballs, a teaspoon of a cheesy taco dip with 4 small scoop chips, a hot dog "finger" and 1/4th of a piece of cake. No biggie and I surely didn't gain 10 pounds due to eating a little of food that's not my norm. I didn't lose weight to totally deny myself of "forbidden foods" til the day I die but I also am ever conscious of stuffing myself and eating bad foods every day.
10/21/2012 9:16:37 AM
I've had friends come to my home with their own food, because they have to lose weight for health reasons. They tell people that they cannot eat "x, y or z" because of doctors orders. I know that some "food pushers" feel offended when guests don't/won't eat and they are wrong to do what they do. It seems to me that the best message to send the food pusher - as politely as possible - is that your physical health must be a priority even in a social setting. And, for me personally...I try a bit of everything on the table and then I'm usually not able to eat any more. If I didn't allow myself the luxury of sampling foods (all foods), I would never stay on track...but I respect the discipline and choices of others.
I do not like the suggestions that are lies, "white" or not. The others are interesting.
I like the food dodge, "Sorry, I don't like the side effects." while patting hips. Or, I could very truthfully substitue concern for my weight and my knees, if the firstt seemed vain instead of humorous..
I'm not a fan of the lying responses. Unless it's someone you will probably never meet again. But the one suggest saying you can't stand a certain food and elaborating about how much you dislike it, what happens if that person ever does see you eating that food? You might not remember lying to that person and saying how much you hate that food, but that person will most likely remember. I think any of the honest reasons should be good enough and if someone still doesn't listen and continues to push, then you just need to get harsh with them.
Great article with good tips. It will make facing the next 2 months much easier to deal with. Thanks
10/21/2012 6:26:26 AM
I get this more at work than anyplace else. Fortunately, I work with nice people who back off when I say no thank you. I'll get a few comments that will embarrass me a bit when I say no thanks, but they aren't nasty...more along the lines of "you have so much will power."
At a previous job it was harder. I worked in an office where almost all the women were overweight...and not interested in doing anything about it at that time. I would be sure to eat breakfast and bring a healthy lunch so that I could legitimately say I was full. They tended to just put pieces of cake or donuts or brownies on my desk... Most of the time.I'd let them sit there for a while and then take them back to the serving station, although, occasionally I'd cave and eat a small bit. Very hard when you're dealing with determined food pushers...especially people who should be eating healthier themselves. They take your refusal as an insult.
10/21/2012 3:58:20 AM
I just had this experience YESTERDAY! lol. There's a lil ol' lady in our building that plies me with treats galore! She's sweet but won't take no for an answer. Yesterday she offered me pastry bites which I took and shared with three other people and she tried to offer me AND MY CAT lollipops! Those I discretely left sitting right there. I don't like the idea of lying that is brought out in this article. There are other ways..
I think the lying is only to avoid a scene. I also would rather be honest and I'm willing to make a scene if presented with an insensitive food pusher, but there are times when an apt white lie would be easier on everyone present.
This is good advice with the holidays coming up. My mom gets upset if no one takes leftovers after a holiday dinner - she doesn't want to get stuck with all that food - so it's easier to take something someone else in my family likes that I don't.
I've had someone tell me they'd be really really offended if I didn't have a piece of the cake they'd brought for the office. My reply: "I'm sorry to offend you over something so trivial, but I don't eat cake."
Being polite is one thing, but lying to food pushers is counterproductive. I have had conversations that were like tennis matches, with people trying to get me to take leftovers home, try just a little bit of this or a taste of that, a tiny bit won't kill me, you have to live a little, self-denial isn't good for the soul, and so on. In general, I find that such people are not trying to sabotage anything, just determined that everyone enjoy themselves, and they only have their own yardstick to measure that by. At one party where there were mountains of food, the hostess tried to get me to take any number of things home with me. The only way I could make her stop was to tell her that if I took any of it home, it would only go straight down my garbage disposal, because it's not the kind of stuff I eat. She found other willing takers eventually.
I don't care for the dishonest responses. I'm ok with different responses for different types of people, but you shouldn't have to lie. If someone can't let it go once you say "no thanks," they may not be the best company... (I do realize sometimes it's family). But generally, I have found that in many cases, friends and family are very supportive--in fact, my grandmother even asks me what items she should make available whenever my husband and I are coming to dinner. :-) Good luck everyone!
I have to agree with the posts that are honest answers. I don't think "No, thanks" always works. It needs to be a stronger message sometimes. I dislike being rude. Taking the food and dumping it is wasteful and they will do that again to you. The message needs to be clear and strong enough for the person and situation. I just don't have a canned response.
I disagree with fibbing to make someone else feel better about pushing food at me. I have had enough people who do not support me, my decisions, or my healthy lifestyle. I do not need to make them feel good about not supporting me.
One of the things being on WW has taught me is how much less food I need than I used to think. People really don't get it when they don't have the same goals. Sometimes saying nothing is the best response. I don't think we need to defend our choices unless we want to have the conversation. We don't owe anyone an explanation. It is hard to get in trouble when you don't open your mouth!
Also, the advise to just have a bite of something to make someone else happy is one I would be careful about. If you want to eat it, fine. If you don't, then walk away and do what is best for you! You are the only one who can be responsible for your decisions.
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