I borrow an assertiveness trick called broken record. I smile warmly and say something along the lines of thank you for offering-- it looks luscious. When the pusher tries again, I just repeat the smile and the comment. Every time the pusher tries. They usually stop after the restatement. If they go on much longer they either get huffy or they get the giggles.
10/21/2012 5:51:01 PM
I agree with Dixie 1021, presenting a lot of your helpful "tips" with dishonesty as the premise is ludicrous. If you feel uncomfortable being honest about weight loss, or even simply not wanting to eat something with your friends and family, there's probably a lot of dysfunction there already. ALWAYS be honest! You always reap what you sow.
My first answer is a plain, "No thank you." with a smile. If then pushed, I'll repeat, "No, thanks. I'm fine". And put my right hand up, like backing off, again with a smile. If pushed again in the same confrontation (for want of a better term), I just change the tone of voice and repeat,"No. Thanks anyway." and no smile.
It rarely gets to a third refusal. Usually the earlier refusal with smile works.
When it comes to great-auntie pushy-push, though, I have resorted to, "Oh, sorry, there's [name] calling me" - and then cope later with feeling bad.
When this happens, especially at holiday get-togethers, I can understand why people don't want to upset 80-year-old Grandma Gretchen who probably only bakes once a year anymore. It's hard not to feel guilty. I usually ask if I can just take a piece/slice/portion home with me to enjoy when I'm less full. That way, no feelings are hurt, and I can usually recruit help in eating a responsible portion by sharing with my husband or 10-year old later.
At work potlucks, I give myself a food budget of two items and skip my morning or afternoon snack. If anyone asks if I tried their specialty and I haven't, I just say no, but it looked delicious and ask for the recipe. It pays the co-worker a compliment and gives me a chance to add a recipe to my collection while seeing if there are easy ingredient swap-outs that would make it less caloric/fattening, etc.
10/21/2012 3:52:04 PM
A "white lie" is a lie, nonetheless. To say that telling a white lie "won't hurt anyone" is not true. I read a quote from (oh no, I can't remember now) someone that essentially said "Never sacrifice any part of the truth on the altar of peace." When the truth is sacrificed, the "peace" you think you're keeping isn't realóbecause you know yourself it's not the truth. What ever happened to just saying, "No, thanks" ? No follow up; just no thanks.
A lot of these are lies! That's not cool. I want to be a person of integrity not just a thiner person. These must ways to be polite and have integrity. I don't want to change one for the other.
10/21/2012 2:20:49 PM
Hi! My name is Elis‚ngela and I'm brasilian. I live in Rio de Janeiro. I loved this article. I'm a person that take care with my health. I lose 5 k and I need lose more 5, but I want to have health. I love to eat good foods and don't like whwm a person das that I'm very fat. This is impolite!!! No one need hear bad words. i refuse and wait the better the others people.
My favorite is, Sorry, but I'm "allergic" to that. Seems to be the win/win excuse that satisfies everybody. They did offer which feels good to them; and I did decline in a kindly what that also feels good to them. And I got out of even having to "just taste" it. ReeGee
10/21/2012 12:39:33 PM
I use this line a lot, "You know me; I eat like a bird!" Anyone who has met me knows how true this is. I get full easily, but have no problem taking home left-overs or getting something that is smaller in portions. Nobody argues with me because it's the truth and the humor keeps others from feeling like I'm criticizing them for their food choices.
I never lie, eventually you will get caught in it. I just say no thank you, I prefer not to eat it. If they push, I repeat no thank you. They will learn eventually and others around will tell you it was the right thing to do. It's my body and my tastebuds and there is no place in my vocabulary as a little white lie. LIES are always BLACK in my book. I was raised that way and very grateful to be honest .
10/21/2012 12:25:30 PM
I have this situation right now! A friend (sometimes a "frenemy" but that's another issue" made plans to see me tomorrow because we both have a day off. She suggested Red Lobster and I declined, because I'm following WW and I'm not going out to eat as much as before and trying to cook dinners myself until I get a better understanding of portions, ways of cooking, calories, etc. My willpower is not very good so I know what to stay away from. I suggested she come to my apartment and I'll make lunch(I'm a good cook) and then we can go for coffee somewhere and talk. She kept pushing Red Lobster, saying "it's only 1 day", "what's diet!", etc. She's slim and has never had a weight problem. I finally got angry and cancelled our plans because she wouldn't budge. Oh well.
I frequently refuse food, not because of my weight problem, but because I eat no meat, fish, dairy products or eggs, on principle. I simply say that I'm a vegan and don't eat animal products. People rarely ask me why. I'm longing for someone to do so, as I'd love to be totally honest with them and say that exploiting animals in any way is immoral, barbaric, disgusting and obscene. But I'm usually too much of a wimp!
A year and a half ago I was diagnosed as a type II diabetic. Recently, at a friend's 60th birthday celebration I was asked several times to have a piece of cake. I politely declined each time. At one point I was told "go ahead, nobody will know". My response was "nobody will know, except my glucose meter in two hours". That seems to have finally got the message across. I think most people have good intentions, but forget that others may have some medical or weight issues. I am proud of the fact that I have lost 56 pounds!
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