Member Comments for the Article:

How to Tell Others about Your Weight Loss Goals

Get Support Where You Need it Most

32 Comments



  • JAY75REY
    This article is food for thought. Like other commentators, I've seen a mixed bag when sharing goals and asking for support from those closest to me. I recently shared with my boss, who is also doing a diet (though hers is a little extreme IMHO). We both agreed to empty our candy jars on the desk and take away that temptation. That was cool.
    DH hasn' t always been supportive because he doesn't come on board and wants to eat out constantly. Also he gets negative and hopeless about his own weight problems so he sends these vibes toward me. BUT at the moment he and I are working on it together and I think we'll have success. I'm seeing signs of motivation in him.
    I rarely tell anyone about my diabetes because I hate being lectured and monitored by others: "you're eating that! that's so bad" etc.
    - 7/10/2011 7:54:43 PM
  • I admire the desire to want to include others but this seems like a "perfect world" scenario to me. I would LOVE to have been able to tell people when we started but I seriously couldn't handle the eyes rolls or body language of "oh...you mean AGAIN!?" The best way to prove your commitment is to just do it and let people say something to you and come to SP or similar sites so you can get support from like minded people because a lot of times your declaration of a healthier lifestyle can make many people resentful. It shines a spotlight on their unhealthy habits whether you mean it to or not and if they're not ready to change or think things will change, a big time attitude can emerge. Been there and done that. :-( - 7/10/2011 7:20:29 PM
  • Sometimes our "loved ones" are toxic people, frequently making critical or demeaning comments. In that case, why give them more ammunition by declaring our health/weight loss goals? The support of people who really care about your well-being is wonderful. Having people tell you it won't work or you won't follow through is non-productive. Been there, not going back. - 7/10/2011 12:15:59 PM
  • "I am in control! It's my choice. No one besides ME can decide how much weight I'll lose, how I'll do it, or whether I want to lose it in the first place."
    Great words, I'm printing them as a little poster to be one of my visual aids! - 7/10/2011 1:42:42 AM
  • There's a problem with this style of goal setting though: people who say they're going to do something and then get lots of positive feedback get buzzed on the happy glow of "I'm doing something and getting recognition" and don't actually follow through. People who don't share goals are more likely to work at them, because the only warm fuzzies they get are from success.

    There's an interesting TED talk by Derek Sivers about it. - 10/21/2010 12:26:14 AM
  • I agree with SMY3THE. There's no need to get other people involved. I'm just doing this for me. I'm not accountable to anyone else. - 4/24/2010 4:51:25 AM
  • This was a great article...but it made me SO thankful for the support my family and friends have given me as I begin this journey.. - 1/27/2010 6:42:01 PM
  • This is what I need to write to MYSELF! - 1/23/2010 10:55:25 AM
  • I enjoyed the article and would have liked to have read it years ago at an earlier attempt to get healthy. Definitely has some good points. Thanks. - 1/11/2010 4:18:44 PM
  • IWILLBREAKFREE
    I too find this article amazing. It's true that in the past no one supported me, and I failed. This time around I am just doing it. I lost 4.5 lbs already and can't wait for Christmas to show my friends and family that even without their help I can do something right. - 11/9/2009 10:38:49 PM
  • What a great article, this can be so hard to do! Can't say enough about having the support of others. - 5/16/2009 9:07:32 AM
  • Great letter! I am a shy person and the only person that knowsabout my goal is my husband. I am affraid of the reaction of others and I just don't want to deal with any negativity. - 4/28/2009 7:53:03 PM
  • I find people are jealous, so you have to be careful about what you tell others. Do it for yourself. - 4/15/2009 12:56:57 PM
  • Great letter! I wish I had this when I started!
    - 4/15/2009 6:06:38 AM
  • SMY3THE
    I didn't tell anyone. I just did it. I didn't want to be nagged. I didn't want to defend myself. I didn't want my program to be a concern of others. I decided that I needed to take personal responsibility for what I eat, regardless of what food was available. I needed to hold myself accountable. Of course, it quickly became obvious to my wife. I think she would have liked it better if I had made her more a part of the program, but her need to control things is one of the problems, not the solution. I needed to be in control of myself. I wished that my wife could have been more encouraging, but in some ways, having to do it myself probably worked to my advantage. I am actually still hurt by many of the things she has told me and does tell me. It is totally ironic that she rarely complained when I was overweight, but now that I am slim, she complains about it all the time. Jealousy, probably.

    Part of it was that I did not want to "go on a program," or "go on a diet." I knew that was pointless. I needed to still be able to eat things I love, yet make changes that I can sustain for the long term in how I do that.

    I don't find that having someone else to be "accountable" too is at all effective. It is actually counter-productive. The only person I am truly accountable to is me. If someone is looking at me critically when I eat a bowl of ice cream, it just makes me sneak it when they aren't looking, and then I eat more of it. I can't be feeling defensive about my choices - I just have to be in personal control of them.

    My quiet example though has inspired many people around me to get healthier too. My wife, my son, his wife, my mother in law, people at church, people at work; all of a sudden, they have seen what I have accomplished (lost 60 lbs and am now basically thin), and they have decided that they can do it too. They have started exercising more, eating less, losing weight and getting in shape. I don't tell them to do it, or urge them to, or tell them how to do it. In fact, I tell them everyone is different and everyone has to find their own way. What worked for me may not work for them at all, and what works for them might not work for me.

    I think that one of the biggest reasons for my success has been my decision to quietly make my own decisions about what I put in my mouth and how I exercise and to not be controlled by those around me. That has been difficult - sometimes it has been the hardest part, but the challenge may have been what made me succeed. - 4/14/2009 11:42:46 AM

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